I am coming to believe...

that kitchen tools and gadgets are the invention of someone with a lot of stock in Johnson & Johnson. Because apparently, I can't work a simple vegetable peeler without slicing at least one finger open at any given point. My left thumb was the victim last night as I was peeling a butternut squash.

Sure, I could buy the squash already pre-cut. But there is something ..... I don't know what the correct word would be. When I chop and dice and peel and cut and all that myself, I feel even more connected to the whole food prep process. I think, "this is the way that generations of women before me helped prepare food...." and I feel more deeply connected to them. I feel more deeply connected to the growing process -- to the farmers who grew the item and sent it on to the store, or brought it to the farmer's market, and to the food itself. I know it sounds insane, but there's an energy to the whole preparation process, and there is a beauty to the rhythm in chop-chop-chop. To do all this is almost a spiritual exercise. It takes time and effort and expending yourself for something else to come about.

This is why I love cooking, in spite of the nicks, bumps, bruises, and other kitchen mishaps. There is nothing quite as satisfying as the ability to give people nourishment for their bodies and perhaps at the same time for their spirits and souls -- and for yourself as well. Can't buy that at a drive-through!

I had this great post

all worked up about Dwayne Jarrett's 2nd DWI and how I'm tired of entitlements... not just in athletes and celebrities, but in society.

But then, around 9:15 PM, that all changed. I found out that another frat brother of mine has passed away -- also very unexpectedly and WAY too young. She had recently had surgery but seemed to be bouncing back very well. I don't know all the details, but I can tell you that my brain refuses to wrap around the idea of losing another one so soon.

She was only weeks older than me. She'd just turned 41; I will in 19 more days. People our age are not supposed to die. What the flip is going on with my generation? She leaves behind a husband and two teenagers (daughter & son). That's two friends I've had pass away, leaving teens behind. This is wrong, wrong, wrong, on more levels than I can begin to think.

So here's my thought for the night: hug and kiss the ones you love. Tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them you love them and why, if for no other reason than, "I just do." Make the time to do so. If you had only five minutes left, you surely wouldn't spend it blogging or working on a spreadsheet or doing anything else other than telling people how much they meant to you -- so why wait? Do it now.

Karen, we will meet again. Until then, you & Carolyn behave up there. God's got both hands full anyway -- HA!!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year....

Not Christmas. GAK! Deliver me, O Lord ........ no, friends, the most wonderful time of the year is now: Autumn.

Autumn -- the world in all its radiant splendor, with fire-drenched color and crisp weather. The smell of the Northern Hemisphere moving toward dormition. The tastes of crisp fresh apples and hearty squashes, and the warmth of hearth and home. Harvest has come, let us enjoy what we have and be thankful for the year that it took to bring this moment to fruition.

Autumn -- when manly men suit up in tight spandex with bulging pads underneath and crush each other on a field of green over a piece of pigskin (and if that's not a reason to rejoice in this world, then nothing is). These same men will play their games until the chill of winter .... and then move it all to a subtropical locale to play their post-season bowls (college) or championship game (Super Bowl) because, hey football is a moneymaker, and that's what it's all about, right? But I digress...... The love of the game.

Autumn has always been my favorite season: spring makes me sneeze, summer is great but always too hot, winter... meh. But autumn. Maybe it's the introvert in me -- the cook who loves to prepare healthy yet hearty (and heart-felt) meals for those she loves. Or the girl who thinks a true treat is being next to a fire and enjoying the crisp air around her too.

I wait all year for these sweet months of autumn.......

Some random Tuesday thoughts

* I had a busy weekend, preparing for and being part of the team that presented the Christ Renews His Parish women's weekend. What a joy and delight it was! I am tired and yet strangely energized. There's so much I could say and not enough time to write it all down. To the ladies at the Joyful Hearts table, my deepest gratitude for all that you taught me over the weekend. To my sisters on the team, mille grazie isn't enough to thank you for your presence in my life.

* It was so sad to learn last night of Kenny McKinley's passing at age 23. He was a Gamecock who was playing for the Denver Broncos. The police's initial findings are consistent with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. I really hope that it wasn't the case, but if it is, then it's doubly sad. If you ever feel you have no reason to go on, please for God's sake, reach out to someone. Call 1-800-SUICIDE, and you'll reach the Kristin Brooks Hope Center. They can help. And my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who loved, cared for, and played with or against Kenny McKinley and will miss him so very deeply.

* Do you ever have a "mulling" day? I am so far today.... Not really into talking, just mulling over things in my head. But that's okay.... I'm going to have a "thoughtful Tuesday" instead.

Invisible Illness Week

This is National "Invisible Illnesses" Week -- a way to educate/advocate for all of us who do deal with an illness, just not an obvious or visible one. I actually have two, since I also deal with migraines; however, mine are so minimal by comparison that I would rather let those who deal with them on a daily basis speak on that topic. But this is the 24-7-365 one for me.......

30 THINGS ABOUT MY INVISIBLE ILLNESS YOU MAY NOT KNOW

1. The illness I live with is: Primary Lymphedema (I shall abbreviate as PLE). It is a condition in which the lymphatic system does not circulate properly and swelling can occur at the site of damage. Primary is congenital and most likely hereditary. It can manifest itself in early childhood, after puberty, or after age 35. Secondary lymphedema is caused by some trauma or removal of lymph nodes (example: cancer surgery). In so many women, they develope SLE in the arms or sides because of mastectomy. In my own particular case, it was probably present all along, is definitely hereditary (have a cousin with the same condition, just recently diagnosed as well in her late 60s!), and began to manifest itself sometime between ages 14 and 19. I can't pinpoint an exact time.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2008.
3. But I had symptoms since: Who knows? First manifest around 1985-ish?
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: needing support garments almost 24/7 (not in the shower or pool).
5. Most people assume: that it's more of a cosmetic condition than a medical one.
6. The hardest part about mornings is: needing the extra time to unravel bandages, re-roll, remove additional compression aids, AND put on the compression wear after showering. I've managed to get the compression hose on in about 5 minutes, but when I get a new pair, it's a few extra minutes for that.....
7. My favorite medical TV show is: does "Forensic Files" count?
   
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: well, nothing that directly affects my condition, but my MP3 player.
9. The hardest part about nights are: summer nights, when I'm wearing tubiform stockings, compression aids, AND 2-3 sets of bandages per leg. SWELTER!!!
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. Okay, about 10 vitamin/supplements, and 1-2 pills each day (not related to lymphedema; no pills for that!)
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: am already utilizing them.... well, I don't consider MLD (manual lymphatic drainage) an alternative treatment, but some physicians do, I'm sure.....
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I don't know which I would choose. There are times "invisible" is better, but you get so weary of explaining, "yes, I have an illness; no, it's not some quacked-up quasi-illness.... do you want to see information on it, because I can give you more than you'd ever want.
13. Regarding working and career: I still get to work, but I have PT every two weeks, and so I work it as my lunch hour .... and if there's a difference, I make it up by staying late or coming in early.....
14. People would be surprised to know: lymphedema isn't just a "cosmetic" condition but if untreated, it can lead to serious issues.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: this is 24/7/365 for the rest of my life. In my case, it's congenital and so I have to manage it, the same way that anyone with a chronic condition has to manage theirs.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: nothing. I didn't realize I had this condition until I was 38 and so I just always DID with it anyway.
17. The commercials about my illness: What commercials? Totally not on the commercial radar .... and thank God because there's not a drug out there to be advertised for it.... so none of the "what a wonder drug, here are the 40 million ways it could kill you" ads.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Going support-hoseless.... I do in the shower, and a couple of times when I have had a migraine develop, I've gone to bed unwrapped or unhosed. And I won't be able to do hot tubs, saunas, steamrooms, etc. again. But otherwise......
19. It was really hard to have to give up: my razor. Yep, I'm not allowed to use a single-blade, double-blade, quatro-blade, or any blade. Electric razors, those are fine. But if I nick the skin and infection sets in, the protein-rich lymphatic fluid is nothing but a breeding haven for bacteria..... :( Le sigh. So I don't get quite that silky smoooooooooooooth closeness. Hmm, wonder if lasering my legs would be okay! And Nair/Neet STINK (literally).
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: hmm.... cooking? Nothing really. It's a condition but not necessarily life-limiting. It's as limiting as I allow it to be. If I don't take care of myself and do the right thing, then yeah, it's limiting.....
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: go hoseless!! :D
22. My illness has taught me: more about the way the human body works. I had so little knowledge (still do, I think) about the body's many, varied, interesting detox/elimination processes.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: well, about the condition: nothing. Not that I'm not ready to advocate, but most people don't ask much more than "so what do you have to go to PT for?" You do a short explanation, and it's like, "Oh. Wow. Didn't know there was such a thing...." and that's as far as it gets.
24. BUT I love it when people: ASK QUESTIONS!
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: my thought is that I have this condition, it does not have me.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: do not hesitate to learn about the condition, and DO NOT miss an MLD treatment, and FOLLOW THEIR INSTRUCTIONS. Yes, it's a colossal pain in the @$$ to bandage every night or use a pump (if you have fibrotic skin), but it beats bout after bout of cellulitis all to hell. I had ONE bout, extremely mild, no open wound -- and it STILL took 3 weeks of antibiotics to get it under control.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: well, for me, it was the fact that after 20-ish years of untreated and undiagnosed PLE, my skin had not become fibrotic, or otherwise horridly disfigured. I consider myself TREMENDOUSLY lucky in that respect. Even my physical therapist was VERY surprised. In some ways, it was almost like it had just recently started happening, instead of having 20 years or so of this condition.......
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Just listening to me.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I believe in advocating and educating. The more you know......
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: happy -- and that I have made a little difference in helping people learn and understand

Do you have an "invisible illness"???? Click http://invisibleillnessweek.com/ to learn about Invisible Illness Week, and consider participating in "the note" project!

It Is Now Official....

As of today, September 9, 2010, I am an "Old Fart" (R) : I ordered my first set of bifocals.

I've worn glasses or contacts since I was 15. Twenty-six years of wearing single-vision lenses has been good to me. But it's only been in the last few weeks that I've noticed that I don't need to sit quite as closely to the TV, computer screen.... or to have the hymnal or choir pieces quite so close either.

Welcome to your 40s, kiddo!!!

Slipping the surly bonds of earth....

For the first time in a while, I had to fly on business. Most of the time, I don't travel for work, or at least no travel beyond driving distance. After one particular leg of this flight, I was swearing the same thing: "If I can't drive there, I won't be there."

Chicago beckoned, so onto the big bird I went. Every song about flying or traveling was going through my head -- by the time we landed in Chicago, I was humming Arlo Guthrie's "Coming into Los Angeles" (wasn't about to sing the words, heck no!). G-vegas to the ATL was a piece of cake: 30 minute flight. ATL to O'Hare ... it was all good until the final descent/landing. I mean, at one point in the flight, I was thinking, "You know, I ought to ask the attendants about their careers. I mean, if something ever happened, it would be really cool to do this." By the time I was leaving the plane, I felt like saying, "You're a braver soul than I, Gunga Din!"

I don't know what happened: the descent angle, the time of day, the stress and trying to find my travel party (coming in from various airports)... but I got sick. UGH!!!!! I made it into the terminal, called the lead in our party and got on the bus to the rental car facility where we were to meet. Turns out, I landed at Terminal 2, they were at Terminal 3 and ended up on the bus at the same time. We got going but between O'Hare and our hotel, she had to pull over for me.

How embarrassing. Here I am, a grown woman, with a nice job, terrific friends and family, and a good life (on the whole), and I'm frickin' crippled by motion sickness and migraines (yeah, I think one of those might have been beginning to build as well). I know it's not anything I can control, necessarily, but I mean really. So I missed dinner that night while nursing my aching head, neck, shoulders, and stomach.

However, I must say that I got to nurse myself in grand style!!! Highly recommended: Hilton Garden Inn's beds. Yes, you can buy them online, too. However, no way am I going to spend that much on myself right now. But lush and lux they are: oh my! I think I sank into the bed and barely moved. Divine, just plain divine.

The next morning, we took a tour of a sister company, and one of their specialty labs that does work across the company. It was truly amazing to see everything they do and how it's put to use in the real world. After the tour, it was on to the Corporate offices, and into 2 days of meetings (well, one afternoon, one morning, and then a short meeting for our team). But on the drive up, I couldn't help but chuckle. I saw a turnoff for Harvey, IL -- and I wanted to go soooo badly, just to see the shell of the Dixie Square Mall. One day, my plan is to get back to Chicago and make a tour of all the locations from The Blues Brothers. But I digress.

For dinner that night, we went to The Glen Town Center -- it's a shopping/living/dining area (apartments/condos over the stores or restaurants). It's kind of like downtown Greenville combined with Shoppes at Greenridge. Pretty neat idea, I must admit. Dinner was at The Yardhouse -- I had a salad and the spicy tuna roll, which was not sushi-like at all. To be fair, the waitress did tell me that it wasn't a typical sushi roll. However, may I suggest that they call it a tuna cake instead? Because that's pretty much what it was. Tasty, to be certain: tuna over the spicy sauce over an edamame layer. I could only eat about half; it was good, but the salad filled me up, as well as our non-cocktail hour offerings.

After our team meeting on Tuesday, my local counterpart and I had to head back to the airport. Our Group HR Director called a ride for us from a company with whom they have an agreement. The limo driver showed earlier than we expected (or told them to arrive) and at the loading dock ... oops! But he got us to the airport in plenty of time.

One small complaint to the fine people of O'Hare International: for all the air traffic you encounter, you might want to talk to the TSA about a grant for more security stations! The security lines were way longer than necessary, and when I finally got to my gate, they were boarding already! I wasn't late-late, but surely later than I like to be. It would have been nice to have time to grab dinner from somewhere, even if it was "Sammies 2 Go" or something. Thank goodness I had a few minutes to spare at Hartsfield. By the way, a huge tip-of-the-cap to the pilots for the ORD-ATL leg on a fabulous job for both takeoff and landing (hardly even noticed them!).

So what's next on the agenda? Putting all these timetables from the meetings into action this week!! :)

Doing it right....

One of the things we discussed a few weeks ago in our Weight Watchers meeting was never counting the things we do right, but harping on and beating ourselves up over the ONE thing (or two) that we did wrong. I'm as guilty as anyone -- trust me on that!

Over the last few weeks, I have had this odd sense ... the feeling that I can't do anything right some days. We all have moments like that, or even a couple of days gone haywire that do that to us, but the recurring feeling is not me. I don't know why, and I surely don't like the sensation. So I am making an extra effort to focus on the good things I do, in all aspects of my life......

So here's my list of recent successes:
* I take healthy foods for my meals and snacks.
* I work out and was very proud of what I did this weekend.
* I have really prayed for people and their needs, and know that they are doing the same for me.
* I have worked to reconnect with those who mean a lot to me.
* I have advocated for my mother's health, and feel as if we're back on track to getting the answers we need.

I'm especially proud of the last one: Mother is as stubborn as her daughter, and if I'd had to take her bound and gagged, kicking and screaming, I would have. Worth every bit of effort to get her there. And now we have a path to go on. I don't know all the answers, but we're getting there.

I have an alter ego

Her name is Suzy Homemaker.

Suzy is a fiend in the kitchen. When Suzy takes over, watch out world. So what did Suzy come up with over the last few days?

1. Two appetizers for a Weight Watchers meeting, straight out of two of their cookbooks. The first is a granola-bar-like cookie. The other is a tartlet (phyllo shells) filled with caramelized onion, chopped Canadian bacon and some shredded reduced-fat Swiss. I thought for sure that at an early morning meeting more people would enjoy the cookie-ish dish. Flat wrong: I made 36 bars (um, Suzy made them, sorry!), and brought home about 24 or so. I made 40 tartlets and brought home... 10 or 12? Either way, they were good!

2. A coffee-braised beef roast with caramelized onions .... one word: a prolonged mmmmmmmm. Can't wait to take some into work tomorrow for lunch. Slurp.

3. My .... er, Suzy's .... famous mustard-chicken barbeque (pulled chicken). Remember, it is the South and barbecue is a NOUN, not a verb!!! "We're having a barbecue" in about 40 states translates down here to "We're cooking out/grilling (out)." This is done in the slow cooker with 3 ingredients. Suzy & I (ha ha) put 4 cups of the mix in the freezer for future use, as well as a cup & a half in the fridge for use this week. Mmmmm.

Suzy is about to work her magic on some ground chicken breast to create some burgers. Gotta think how I want them.... one patty each with different seasonings, or four just alike? I mean, one as teriyaki or another as chipotle lime and yet another with wasabi..... gotta think on this.

I am still alive and around....

Just been really busy and stressed and trying to be the duck.... you know, calm on the surface and paddling like hell underneath.

July has been strange, in many ways. Mom's health is still up-and-down, and my own health concerns have taken a backseat. My best friend's husband has been in the hospital most of the month so far, with difficulties from a recent surgery cropping up again. Work has been busy but at least not crazy-insanely so.

I can't think of much else to say right now. But I will write more after my day trip tomorrow to Alabama.

SO proud of them!

Congratulations to the University of South Carolina baseball team for winning the NCAA College World Series. I am not a USC alumna, but I love Gamecock sports. And I SOOOOOO enjoyed watching them claw their way to this championship.

They will forever be the champs, as well as the last team to win the CWS at Rosenblatt Stadium.

WONDERFUL job, Coach Tanner! FANTASTIC work, players! You make us all thrilled!

Best question I've heard in ages

So I was sitting in church this morning, conversing with a soprano in our choir, and we were talking about voting on Tuesday. I mentioned that I normally LOVE the campaign season but this particular one has done nothing but disgust me. Jane said, "Oh good, so answer this for me...... if everyone is such a conservative, exactly WHAT are we conserving?"

I had a brief moment of silence, and the cynic in me replied before I could shut myself up: "Conserving the idea that what's mine is mine, screw you."

But I'm right.

For all the talk of family values and moral fiber........ REALLY? When did selfishness and greed and isolationism and ignorance and "go back to your own kind" become a good thing? For all their talk of being good Christian people, and their photo ops outside of churches and their stories of how their deep faith and strong family saw them through..... no one has the testicular/ovarian fortitude to say, "None of what we stand for politically has any connection to the values I nod my head in assent to on Sundays." These things are NOT Gospel values, and I for one would love to see the candidates stop talking about how their values are good for SC. Values like that are not good for my state, or its people.

I'm all for bringing business to our state. God knows, we need it, but we're whoring ourselves out in tax breaks to get them here. And in doing so, we're mortgaging our public educational system (which God knows needs all the money it can get), and a million other projects that all need tax money to survive. "Uh Chief? Sorry, we're $18 million short on revenue, but hey we created 180 jobs!" Sure. 180 minimum-wage jobs or part-time jobs, or a combination of the two. We might as well just set up a jar on the nightstand and put a shingle on the statehouse steps advertising our going rates.

I'm all for reforming the immigration system, but I'm definitely NOT in favor of the "you ain't from around here, are ya boy?" attitude that is way too pervasive (and not just in my home state). It is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. No one is going to be entirely happy with whatever consensus and compromise is reached but ignoring it hasn't worked either.

So again...... just what are we conserving?

***

Speaking of conservative politicians, I don't agree with her politically, but I will say that I like the way Nikki Haley has handled the accusations and allegations slung her way. And you will never convince me that the Good Ol' Boy system here in good ol' South Cack isn't behind it because they're threatened by her: a strong woman, from a different cultural background, who wasn't brought up on a Protestant church bench from infancy up. And SHE of all people has actually had a very good response -- basically saying, "None of it's true, and I'm ignoring it and moving on." When South Carolina's latest embarrassing politician opened his idiot mouth (yeah, Jake Knotts, I mean you), and then said, "What's wrong, she can't take a joke?" he sounded more like a playground bully .... threatened by a girl who could kick his butt in short order and move on to the next one. Like I said, she and I will never see eye-to-eye on the issues, but I give her full props for not giving him the time of day ... almost could see her rolling her eyes and saying, "Well, one more idiot down, thousands of others to go."

For Memorial Day

This song just flat gets me, every single time. I cannot help but mist up listening to the lyrics and thinking of all those who make the ultimate sacrifice for my freedoms.

"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." -- John 15:13

Funny things happened last night

I am slack. I know. You don't need to remind me of that! So what's going on in my world? Work, as always; hey, gotta pay the bills! WW training and work and meetings and sharing my story. Church meetings and workshops and events galore. Starting personal training and trying to get my body back on track.

Last night I had to stop by Wally on the way home. I had a coupon for a great snack and the only place I've found it is a Supercenter. I stopped at the one nearest work, got out my insulated bag and a couple of other bags for my goodies, and got to the checkout line. The girl was putting everything she could in the insulated bag, and then had just a couple of items for the other. I was glad that it only took 2 of the 3 bags I brought in -- and she looked at me and said, "That makes you happy?" (like, "Good Lord, girl, what kind of happy pills are YOU on?")

Well, yeah. It's a Friday night, I got mostly everything I needed to get me through the next week for food, and I remembered to bring my bags with me to the store (something I'm trying to get better about doing). It might not have been winning the lottery, but it was a good feeling. So YEAH, I was happy.

Then later on last night, I wore out my blender......... and sadly, not due to mixing margaritas. I wore it out with smoothies. Yes, please laugh about it because I have! Ol' Faithful could mix the liquids just fine, but when I put ice or solids into the blender, not so much anymore. I bought a much nicer replacement today, and it's got an "ice crusher" mode! WAHOO!!!! Even better? Bought it on closeout, saw it in another store later on today at TWICE the price I paid for it! SCHUH-WEEEEEEEEEEET!

Long time no blog....

At least not here. I have a couple of others (as you can see to the left), but lately, I've been woefully neglectful of all of them -- especially my original baby here.

April has been interesting and eventful. Easter came and went and it was just beautiful! I went on retreat with some ladies from church, and it was fantastic. It didn't last long enough, but does it ever? I joke about being a conspiracy theorist (not really, but....); however, I almost would have sworn some cosmic conspiracy was going on. After such a wonderful weekend, this past week has had more stress than you'd believe: car trouble (and being dependent on others for transportation for 2 days) ....... a family member's possible diagnosis of (ahem) "immaculate degeneration" -- to which I thought, "gee, how many family members have had this, and you're surprised you're next?" And, I just purely love the malapropism: immaculate degeneration is far more interesting than macular degeneration, whether age-related, hereditary or a little of both.... (SNORT!)

But you know -- life is good. Life is so good. I'm loved, I love others, I have a job, I have a vision, and while I can whine about minor annoyances, I truly have nothing to complain about! And that, my friends, is worth celebrating!!!!

Joy-driving: road-geekery of another kind!

Back when gas was a beautiful, lovely, blissful memory at $1.50 or less per gallon, I enjoyed nothing more on a Sunday afternoon than to get in my car and just go. I'd take the roads either previously untraveled, or partially traveled, and just follow them out as long as I could with the time I had, or until I found a road that I knew connected somewhere.......

Today, I was scheduled for a hair appointment about an hour from the house. The hairdresser is an old high school friend, and I am in need of some highlights, so I thought I'd give someone I knew a little of my business. We got some mixed signals, and she had a family emergency anyway, so we're going to reschedule. But in the meantime, it was a great opportunity to just go "joy-driving"!

What is "joy-driving" you may ask? It's when you hop in the car with nowhere in particular to be, go, do, no set time frame to complete anything in........ basically, just finding joy in being and seeing. So from the town where I was supposed to go, I ended up taking the road by my grandparents' graves (and had I not had a more "pressing concern" I'd have stopped for a while). I went into the next little town over, which I rarely visit, but it was nice to go there. I could have traveled four or five different ways to get home at that point, but I stuck to the main road. Once I got back to the next largest town in that area, I decided to go home yet another way that I rarely travel...... well, that, and I also had a bright idea to look for a bakery outlet store. I have become quite enamored of the new sandwich thins, and thought it'd be a great way to pick some up for a good price. I found a store, picked up the bread, and then stopped for lunch. (For thoughts on lunch, see my Weighty Matters blog).

From lunch, I turned onto a road I'd been meaning to travel for quite some time. Amazingly enough, it took me not far from where I would have come out anyway, had I stuck just to the main road..... actually, it carved off a good bit of it. And now, I have another connecting road, if I ever find myself out joy-driving, and can't figure where I am........

Such a gorgeous day and a lot of fun!!!

Happy Easter everyone!!!

For many years, I was part of an e-mail list for people involved in initiation ministry ... and now and again, one of the list members would occasionally say, "I often wonder just what we are initiating them into." This was usually said when HMC would do something just unexplainable or dumb or head-shaking. And I admit, I still think that on occasion ..... and especially after this week in the church.

Last night, I attended the Easter Vigil and every year, it never fails to move me. I do still occasionally ponder T's question: "Just what are we initiating them into?" And my answer would be: a flawed body that needs your brokenness to help make it whole. Broken as we are, we're still the ones responsible for carrying out Christ's work in the world. Insane as the institution can be, it is still the people who make the Church.

There's a great song by Michael Card that I had forgotten about until I played it on Good Friday. As many times as I've listened to the song, it was like rediscovering a great truth when I heard it again.......

The marks of death that God chose never to erase
The wounds of love's eternal marks
When the kingdom comes with its perfected sons
He will be known by the scars

It is because of the scars that we will be perfected. The love that caused the scars is what we celebrate in the Triduum. You cannot separate Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter. It is one event, so interwoven that you cannot place more importance to any segment over the others. Similar to Easter and Christmas. Without Christmas, there is no Easter .... but without Easter, why would you even need to celebrate Christmas?

Jesus Christ our light is risen; sound the trumpet of salvation! Surrexit Christus, alleluia; cantate Domino, alleluia!

He is risen: he is risen indeed!

And may we stay......

I was mulling this over at lunch today and planned to post about it. Mea culpa.

I cantored the 12:30 Mass today and was once again reminded that the kids in college are actually young enough to be my kids. Even the seniors -- gasp! I don't think of myself as old enough to be anyone's mother. I know, the mirror tells me differently, as do my license and birth certificate. My aching muscles were certainly letting me know it this morning. Somehow, in my mind, I still think of myself and my friends as forever young. And perhaps in a way we are.

We can't stop thinking of each other in those terms, no matter how hard we try. Even the ones who have been friends for years on end and seen each other through marriages, divorces, children, teens, all the important firsts...... somehow, we're all still a certain age to each other. For my college friends, we're all still around 25. We're out of college and just starting life and we're all still fresh-faced and fresh-brained. The mirror says 40, the mind says 27, and some days my spirit says 12.

And I think we keep each other young -- in the best way -- by doing that. We don't see the wrinkles, the crow's feet, the saggies, the burdens, or anything else. We're all still wonderfully young to each other.

Bob had it right: May we stay forever young!

I haven't forgotten

.... to make good on my travelogue for the Memphis trip. I have just been swamped, and it's not going to be any better until after Easter.

I'm still alive. Still kickin'. Hanging in, hanging out, and hanging on, to quote Tanya Tucker. (Boy, there's a phrase you don't hear or read every day...)

In the meantime I am working on a posting for both M&M and Weighty Matters (a cross-posting) that I hope you'll enjoy!

UPDATE: Here's the link to the PDF file of the newest playlist (along with comments - like you didn't expect those?)

What a weekend!!

Had a great time in Memphis! Will definitely blog more later about it, but I am so very happy for Stoney & Jennifer! They are a wonderful couple, and I wish them every blessing in their life together!

Things I need to change....

1. The number of hours in a day from 24 to 30, ON THE CONDITION that the other 6 hours must be used for me and only me, and at my discretion to do whatever I please......

2. My amount of sleep. I'm not getting enough and haven't for a while. I'm going to have to learn to manage my energies far better than I'm doing now. I've long been hard-wired to not fall asleep before 11:00, but if it takes Unisom by the truckload to get me on a better sleep schedule, I'll just have to renew my Sam's membership.

3. Letting the minor annoyances get to me. I don't know why they do but they do. Frankly, I'm growing tired of the "no wire hangers" sort of thing in myself.

I have a lot of things to work on....... where to start?

Snow. Snow. Snow.

For the fourth or fifth time this winter, we are having a "winter event"...... only this time, it actually did happen to us. Oh, we've had mild freezing rain and a dusting of snow the other times. And naturally there are always the predictions that never pan out for us (but 30 minutes north of us and oh yeah.....).

This time, it was for real. We got beautiful wet snow at the office, closed up a little early, and I drove home in a pretty snowfall, light and twinkling. I've driven in a couple of other snow events here in my adult life: both were quick and furious with huge flakes and driving winds. The difference between the two is an angry uncle-by-marriage who's stuck watching a gaggle of kids when he'd rather be at a monster truck rally with his buddies ..... and a sweet grandmother who just pulled your favorite cookies right out of the oven, so happy to see you that she can't wait to hug you!

Anyway, it cancelled some of my morning events, but not my afternoon ones. It will be in the upper 30s by noon, so no problems driving. By the time the events are done, it will not be dark yet, so it shouldn't be much trouble driving home.

And it made me think of where I was a year ago....... a beautiful mountain cabin nestled in the Monongahela National Forest of West Virginia. Oh my. It was a butt-cold but gorgeous weekend. Matter of fact, Fasnacht is tonight in Helvetia, and I wish them a beautiful day and pleasant evening (especially for the feast at The Hutte; don't forget your reservations!). We were just outside the Dolly Sods wilderness area, not too far from the Canaan Valley resort area..... I cannot begin to tell you just how beautiful that area is.

So I looked up the weather report for the Canaan Valley area this morning: as of right now, 19.2 degrees F; chances of snow: 90% today, 40% tomorrow, 70% Monday, 30% on Tuesday and Wednesday...... Oh, le sigh. Massive le sigh. I could use a snowbound weekend in a cabin in the middle of nowhere ...........

Again, my friends. Since not this year, perhaps next. But we will do this again. Somehow, someway.

Really? Really?

So I was perusing Facebook, as I am usually wont to do when I have a few moments. And I noticed one of the lovely ads off to the side: "For Classy Cougars Only!"

One of my cardinal rules in life has been this: things (or persons) which are self-described "classy" generally aren't. I want to say I got that idea from Lewis Grizzard and his description of a personals ad: "Classy SWF age 35-39, enjoys blah blah blah...." and how usually the woman who actually showed up was quite frequently the antithesis of class. I think of those glittery iron-on t-shirts from the 70s: a butterfly with "Classy Lady" detailed below it -- and usually worn by women with heavily bleached hair, eyes with enough liner and mascara to make Rocky Raccoon say, "Tone it down, sister!", and too often with a cig hanging out of their mouth with enough ash on it to rival Mt. St. Helen's. And usually yelling something to someone they knew or screaming at the kids that their daddy was gonna whoop their aaaaaaaassssssssssss (or for those who don't always drag out their words, that's "ass"). Or it also brings to mind a restaurant like "Klassy Kafe" ... usually, a great hangout for the Whiskey Tango crowd. I guess that's where I get the connotation.

And the whole cougar thing.... really? How did those of us who are single and of a certain age get saddled with this predatory moniker? Just because we have a little more confidence and self-awareness at this time in our lives doesn't automatically mean we are out there to pounce on the first willing 25-year-old guy who comes along. When I think "cougars," I think of my college mascot: a perfectly noble creature! When the real cougar goes on the hunt, it is for survival, not because he feels he can and is therefore entitled to. If it were a Far Side world, we would already have the National Large Feline Anti-Defamation League already working overtime on this......

Classy Cougar. If I ever describe myself this way, you'll know I've hit my head and given myself a bad case of brain damage. Feel free to pull a Cher moment: "SMACK! Snap out of it!" I will thank you for it. I promise.

I Love Rock 'n' Roll.....

but lately, I have been completely enthralled with AOL Radio's "Jazz Vocalists" to listen to while at work.

I think that when it comes to singing, if I were to ever attempt a career in vocal music at this late stage of the game, it would be jazz -- probably Great American Songbook type of things. I purely love when a Billie Holiday tune comes across..... oh my. And I have been floored -- in fact, beautifully pleasantly surprised -- by Renee Fleming.... yes, the operatic soprano has a mezzo voice for jazz that is phenomenal. I've discovered the music of Blossom Dearie other than what I grew up hearing on Schoolhouse Rock.... she's the one who sang about us unpacking our adjectives. Her version of "Someone To Watch Over Me" is absolutely endearing.

I catch myself walking around at work humming tunes and most of them are the jazz standards. Or I'll be singing something in the car and it's got a jazz feel to it. There's not a lot in life that I regret -- I don't like the idea of looking back and thinking "what if?" But these are the times I think, "Yeah, I should have been a vocal performance major."

As much as I completely love rock and pop, I couldn't have sung it. I don't have the grit in the voice. I probably could do indie/Americana stuff.... but it's not me. I do sing church music.... in church. (Just for the record -- attention haters and naysayers: choosing to keep my church music in church has ZERO to do with proving to ANYONE the depth of my love for Christ. God already knows. Now....)

But jazz/GAS stuff.... yeah, I could do that.

Le sigh.

I'm still alive, and well....

But I am here to tell you this: there is a special level of hell, one that Dante never imagined, for those who create malware, spyware, viruses, Trojan horses and all other manner of electronic evil. But at least, thank you to the guardian angels and patron saints of electronica, we're finally mostly rid of the crap.

More to come.........

My challenge.....

I haven't done much work on my New Year's Revolution -- at least in terms of actual written plans to increase my positivity. It's been a pretty busy couple of weeks at work and home, and I'm just getting into the swing of the post-holiday routine.

I think one of the things that might help me is to pick back up some hobbies that I had let slide by: pleasure reading, needlework, even writing or working on my short stories/novellas. I miss those things. So I have a stack of books waiting on me...... new needlework patterns were ordered and just arrived today ...... and the novellas/SS's are still on my computer, waiting patiently for my return.

I also plan to do is take more time for myself by reclaiming my Saturdays and Sunday afternoons for whatever *I* choose to do. Saturdays have become a day to do all the errands I can't get to during the week. That's not the way to spend every Saturday. Sundays, I'm usually so pooped I fall asleep in the recliner. Not a way to spend a Sunday either.

Getting myself together -- not a bad plan for 2010!

HAPPY 2010 EVERYONE!!!

2009 wasn't a bad year altogether, but I am so excited for what the new year will bring!

In a shameless moment of self-promotion, check out my "Revolutions, Not Resolutions" post over on Weighty Matters (my blog about weight, health, etc.). It kind of explains how I feel about resolutions from a health perspective .... and let's face it, at least 75% of most resolutions are all about losing weight, stopping smoking, getting on the workout bandwagon, etc. Anyway, my revolution plan for 2010 is to get a better attitude. While I try to lean to the positive, optimistic side, I see some negative tendencies I have and I don't like. I don't think they're the real me, and this year I need to improve myself in that area.

I guess you could call me a realistic optimist. I hope for the best, plan for the worst, and expect the same-old from people, events, and situations. I don't really want to be a sunshine-n-roses kind of person. That level of happy-happy-joy-joy just makes me itchy. I'm old enough to know that sometimes, life is gonna smack you around, that people are not always whom they present themselves to be, and that things just happen. But I also don't want to be a gloomy Gus or even a misanthrope (though there are times I would relish it, just for a few moments). I have had times when I've been surrounded by negative energy, and I hated those feelings. I felt absolutely horrific and I don't ever want to be in that place again either. So I like being balanced -- but I prefer to be more in the sunshine-n-roses end of the curve than the Eeyore side of the bell. I want to believe that people can surprise me with goodness. I want to focus more on the good things in life and less on those annoying little details that just pull you down.

So my goal for this weekend is to map out a 12-month plan. Tangible ways I can develop a better internal me. The last few years have been (and continue to be) about making the outer me better..... it's time to make the inner me stronger and better too. Oh, not that the external changes haven't helped with that -- Lord knows, I finally grew a backbone during all that time -- but it's time to focus on the internal things a little more closely.

Here's to 2010: better, stronger, faster!!! Oh, and friends? Ever forward!!!!

The swoooooon dive.....

On the advice of my physical therapist, I saw a vascular surgeon on Monday. No problems, no vein issues, just another ally as I continue to manage the lymphedema. As part of the checkup, they did an ultrasound of my veins. And during the procedure, they mash on your leg to check the blood flow.

Yeah, you can guess what happened. From the description they gave me later, it surely wasn't graceful and it wasn't a swooooon, but a good ol' headlong WHACK onto the .... well, I don't know if it was the floor, the ultrasound machine, the doctor.......

The doctor doing the ultrasound said I took a step forward, he grabbed my shirt to break my fall but came down to the floor with me. All I remember is standing up one second and being on the floor and having a team asking me, "Hello? Are you with us? Can you hear me?" The doctor I was supposed to consult with was helping too, and he was telling me about another fainting incident he was party to .... in Kansas City and involving one of the KC Chiefs players! YOW.

The only problem was that I couldn't stop upchucking, so they sent me for a CT scan. Luckily it was normal -- no bleeding in the brain, but they still sent me home with orders to not return to work until Wednesday. I apparently have a mild concussion, or else they are treating it as such, just to be safe. I also have a gorgeous cut at my eye and a beautiful bruise/goose egg on my left cheek. Not sure if that's from the floor or the ultrasound machine or what. It is a beaut.

I always say that when you wear yourself down to a nub, God has a way of making you rest whether you like it or not. Well, I wasn't quite to nub status (or at least I didn't think so), but wow, God.... this? :D

So I am heading into work today. There are things I absolutely have to do and cannot be done from here at home, so......... A good thought or two or a prayer or several are appreciated!

Low-key and high-enjoyment

For way too many years, I got caught in the Christmas Crazies...... you know, working hard to make sure everyone has THE perfect gift, that the tree looks JUST right, that everything falls into perfect place. When I worked for the church, trying to make Advent & Christmas nice for all the parishioners AND to make my own holidays good too..... well, it made me a total Grinch. The pre-ghosts Scrooge would have told me to lighten up. For the longest, I just couldn't stand Christmas. An old friend opined (and I heartily agreed) that if she could go to sleep -- a loooong winter's nap -- from December 16 to around January 4 or so, then it would be great.

This year, things are different. I don't know if the November "gratitude adjustment" helped shift my perspective or what happened. I don't know if it was some long-dormant fervent prayer of my heart that finally went silently from my lips to God's ear and stirred His heart. I don't even know if I consciously set out to do it. But at any rate and for whatever reason, I downsized my expectations this year.

And I have enjoyed preparing for Christmas for the first time in a long time.

Did I do shopping? Some. At least 8 years running now without buying any gift from the mall itself. WAHOO!!! The gifts are more practical this year for everyone, less fanciful. That's fine. This is a time for practicality, of determining what is really important. (Ironically, as I type this, my father is discussing buying a new HDTV for the living room and giving me the current non-HD that's there. I'm not sure whether to be grateful or talk them into a more practical plan....).

I've done more cooking and baking -- not that I have a houseful of stuff, just that I've been more of a homebody. Also, we had a homemade/handmade gift exchange at work, so I was trying out some ideas.

Am I over-the-moon, super-hyped? Oh no. You, dear readers, know me better than that. But I am happy and content and calm this holiday season. It's been a year with lots of ups and downs in my family: Mom diagnosed with a manageable condition with no cure; my brother lost his job and is now looking at a new career path; I took on new responsibilities and have often wondered if I can handle it all. Somehow in the midst of all that, there's a calm and peace -- knowing that all is well, all will be well and all will continue to be exceedingly well. Even in an uncertain economy, a contentious culture, a polarized society, with violence and despair and discontent coming out of every news story...... there is peace.

I think of a place in the past where there was war, an occupying army, religious and cultural clashes, an economy that makes our bad one look like a windfall, and a defeated people bereft of hope. And how just at that moment, "eternity stepped into time" and changed everything. Oh, there was still an occupying army. There was still war and poverty and discontent ...... but there was also hope, peace, and light. It was and remains a light that both shines as a beacon and glows in the heart like an ember. It brightens a path and warms a heart.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it..... And the word became flesh, and made his dwelling among us; and we saw his glory, the glory as of the Father's only Son, full of grace and truth." (John 1:4, 14)

And from one of my favorite Michael Card songs............
"Celebrate the Child who is the Light, now the darkness is over
No more wandering in the night, celebrate the Child who is the Light!"

I am still around and kicking

I have just had a very busy December. It's always busy, but it has seemed that there's always more to do than time in which to do it ...... so I'm trying to determine what's truly important and what is more expendable. I've had to adjust some things to fit all the important things in, and yet it seems like I'm doing everything I really want to do.

I still have shopping to do -- and had planned to do that this afternoon. I tried to do some during lunch hour this week ...... BAD idea; very bad idea. Lots of honking, unseen obscene gestures (seen by me and God, not by the other drivers), and swearing. It's not worth that sort of hassle to try to save some time. As I said, I planned to shop this afternoon, but my parents decided to drive into NC to see the snow and take the dog. I realized that I didn't want to miss that -- especially since I will still have time to shop tomorrow afternoon, Monday after work, and even into Wednesday if needed.

I've done some baking as well -- we had a homemade gift exchange at work. That was the only requirement: the gift had to be handmade/homemade. I used to cross-stitch years ago, and I even bought material over the Thanksgiving break. But I just didn't have time for that, unfortunately. However, I do bake and enjoy it. I've always enjoyed baking, and now I enjoy the challenge of making food both tasty and healthy. So I made some of the Hungry Girl caramel pumpkin pudding cupcakes for my gift. Yum. Mo. For the gift exchange, nearly everyone made food gifts. Even my coworkers were like, "Oh dear. None of our stuff is something A can enjoy....." As luck, fate, God, the universe, whatever would have it, I happened to get THE ONE GIFT that wasn't food --- one of my coworkers makes those beautiful glass light boxes (you buy a glass box, drill a hole for feeding a strand of mini-lights through and leaves the plug out). OH MY!!! I was over the moon to get that gift -- I can use it all year long (just change out the bow that's on top).

I've been involved with choir -- we had a concert last Sunday and we're getting ready for Midnight Mass. What's so strange is that on the weeks when I think to myself, "I cannot do this. I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I just want to go home right from work...." and I go anyway, I always enjoy it. And we sound good -- not bragging or boasting, just stating a fact. :-)

And in News of the Unexplainable, I've also been waking up early at least 2 mornings a week to go to the gym. Yeah, the girl who's never been a morning person at all is waking at 5:00 and getting over to the gym by 5:20 or so to get in a quickie workout.

With all that, I've had to limit some of my 'Net time. Otherwise, I'd be up half the night and not a happy girl at all. While I love my time online, I haven't really missed too much either. I keep up with my friends on a few mb's and on Facebook and that's all I'm needing right now.

Yep...... right now, things are good, I'm not stressing over the holidays, and I'm looking forward to really celebrating Christmas with a happy heart. Hoorah!!!

Continuing to give thanks.....

Tomorrow will be my last "gratitude adjustment" post on Facebook (as November is ending), but I am certainly no less grateful for everything. I have appreciated this exercise even more than I expected. I needed to step back and really think about the everyday things for which I am thankful. Here's the latest (since my last post):

• 11/20: "Today I am thankful for a good boss. I've had wonderful ones and I've had lousy ones. The good ones make it very worthwhile. Hats off to 'JB'!!!"
• 11/21: "Today, I am thankful for warm socks! I know that sounds silly, but see how thankful you are for them when you're in a cold building! :)"
• 11/22: "Today, I am thankful for the journey known as life. I am thankful for the companions on the journey and what they have to teach me .... about themselves, about myself. I'm thankful for multiple chances and grace for each moment."
• 11/23: "Today I am thankful for dress-down week, for a 24/7 access gym, and for coffee waiting when I got home from the gym for breakfast. And thankful for polish that dries in 60 seconds. Important stuff for a Monday morning!"
• 11/24: "Today, I am thankful that my dental appointment is AFTER Thanksgiving lunch at work! :D I'm also thankful for good dentists & hygienists, and for good strong teeth!"
• 11/25: "Today I am thankful for a wonderful vet and staff who love my baby to death. And I am thankful that I can bring him back with me to the office this afternoon. I am also thankful that my cooking turned out well last night!"
• 11/26: "Today, I am thankful for so much, I hardly know where to start: for grace, forgiveness, love, family, friends, and abundance; for friendships made and found again; and my sincere prayers for all who need some level of miracle in their lives. But then again, don't we all? HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE!!!!!"
  
• 11/27: "Today, I am thankful for a day off. And I am thankful that I only have two retail places that I *have* to visit today, and not for any BF specials. I do not do Black Friday."
• 11/28: "Today, I am thankful to be able to help people become healthier, and to share even one or two small things to help them along the way."
• 11/29: "Today, I am thankful for the start of another liturgical year -- the wonder and anticipation of Advent that makes Christmas a true joy. After all, the real Christmas season is Dec. 25 until Jan. 6, not Black Friday to Christmas Eve at 6:00 PM."

I will continue this exercise, but in a slightly different format. My plan is to keep a daily calendar in Publisher or Word, and put my thanks on each day. Then at the end of the month, posting it online in PDF format or as a link online.

Amazingly enough, I find that while I still have tense moments and crazy days, somehow they haven't seemed quite as bad as I might have expected originally. Ha. Imagine that. If, as Proverbs says, "a merry heart is like a good medicine" how much more helpful to the system is a grateful heart?

Not gonna, no way, no how

Black Friday sales, that is.

One, I love sleep like a fat kid loves chocolate cake. I never get enough, that's for sure (I know, I know, something I've got to work on). So you definitely were not gonna see my happy rear outside Toys-R-Us or Wally or anywhere else at midnight, 3 AM, 4 AM, 5:30 AM, or whenever. Two, I love warm houses. My internal thermostat went on the fritz somewhere around the 100-pound mark, so I cannot take the cold without being bundled up like I'm doing the Iditarod. Three, are the prices really worth it? Yeah, I can try to snag a laptop advertised at (example) $249. But if the store only has 3, and there are 500 people there also wanting a laptop....... right. I'd rather pay $299 and avoid the madding crowds.

The only places I plan to venture today are..... leaving in 10 minutes to meet a friend to pick up something. Then back home, wait on Mom to get back from a funeral (long story) and then out to Hobby Lobby to browse for something. Other than that....... MAYBE the grocery store.

I have heard via friends on FB that it's not quite as crazy out there today as it has been before. I remain unswayed .... it's just not worth it!

The Gratitude Adjustment / Channelling HRHJCB

You know, it's going fairly well...... I do notice a difference in my attitude. Each morning, shower time has become my time to go, "Okay, really, what *am* I thankful for today?" And it forces me to get that in my head early enough .... and throughout the rest of the day, it forces me to really think about being more grateful for everything that comes my way. Here's my list so far:

• 11/9: "Today, I am thankful for those who listen to my heart as well as my words. That means more than you know!!!"
• 11/10: "Today I am thankful for the rain.... I hate that people on the Gulf are getting hammered with it even worse, but thankful that it's also heading our way. We still need it!"
• 11/11: "Today, I am thankful for all veterans, and for those who serve today. Your sacrifices and hard work make my freedoms possible, and we don't thank you nearly enough!"
• 11/12: "Today I am thankful for health conditions that make me take better care of myself. They really are blessings in disguise!"
• 11/13: "Today, I am thankful for my family (immediate and extended) and their love for me through every place and stage of my life."
• 11/14: "Today I am thankful for bright warm sunshine and crisp air."
• 11/15: "Today I am thankful for the opportunity to serve God and his people through singing. I am so humbled by the trust God placed in me with this gift, and it's my prayer and hope that I use it properly."
• 11/16: "Today I am thankful for the ability to look back and say, "Nope, wouldn't change a thing." Every event, every person, every trial and every joy has made me who I am today, and why would I ever want to change that?"
• 11/17: "Today I am thankful for my friends: you keep me sane, and when needed give me a reality check; you love me in spite of my foibles, failings and flaws; and you make me a better person by your belief in me!"
• 11/18: "Today I am thankful for my chiropractor - I'll be even more thankful after today's appointment! :)"
• 11/19: "Today I am thankful for my dog, Maddox. I know that sounds crazy, but I love my buddy so much. He's a good example for my own soul: he loves without regard and without measure."

And I really mean all those things.

***

Now, for those of you who are familiar with the Sweet Potato Queens series of books by Jill Connor Browne, you will certainly appreciate this:

So there I am, getting myself a fill-up and coffee fix at a gas station on the way home, and one of the girls at the checkout counter was bawling her eyes out. I mean, red-rimmed, puffy, etc. and she was telling the other girl about the breakup of her marriage (at least from the little bit that I gathered).

I wanted so badly to both give her a huge hug, and then to tell her "Okay, baby. Starting now, chin up, tits out. He is a man, plain and simple, and you can't make anything else out of him. And the man who is worth crying over won't make you cry." But I didn't -- (a) b'GOCK! b'GOCK! and (b) she might have looked at me and (rightly) said, "Chick, you know NOTHING about my situation so keep your trap shut."

What slew me was when I heard her say, "I never wanted to go through my middle years alone... (sniff sniff sniff)." She looked younger than me. One, I'm thinking, "Middle age? Hunny, when do you think that STARTS because it sure as hell AIN'T 35!" and two, I thought, "Better to be alone and happy than together and in agony." Life is just too short to be in that much misery over a jerk (note: I know full well that NOT ALL GUYS ARE JERKS!!!! There are plenty of good ones out there, and I'm blessed to count several guy friends among them. But this guy was apparently a real weiner... er, winner. Yeah. Pardon me, my Freudian slip is showing....)

So to Jill Connor Browne, thank you a million times over. Thank you for writing Book of Love (the first) and for whatever in the universe compelled me to buy it and read it again and again and FINALLY having the message sink in a few years later: "If you don't like your life, change it." Life is too short to be wallowing in misery, and I really really should have been bolder and told the girl something uplifting. I don't know that it would have sunk in, but I should have tried harder. I just hope she's got a Jill in her life who will tell her, "Okay, enough sniveling because he isn't worth the salt in your tears. Now hold your head up and go conquer the world!"

Go forth and conquer, friends!

Having an attitude of gratitude....

I generally think of myself as positive -- but I have my moments where I'm given to complaining, and most often about the tiniest irritants in the grand scheme. A real-life "Princess & The Pea" moment.

For example, I am practically OCD when it comes to kitchen storage things. I know, I laugh about it and yet it's really sad. My brother even half-jokingly refers to me as the female version of the husband from "Sleeping With The Enemy." (No, I don't need the towels to be stripe-side out, and even-lengthed, nor do I need cans with brand name facing out. If anything, I'd turn cans nutrition facts label out -- HA!) The prime example is this: I have a lot of Ziploc/Gladware plastic that I use to take my lunch in -- everything from 1 cup bowls to larger storage things. Now, even as messy and unorganized as I am, I am a real stickler for making sure it's all stacked to minimize clutter and maximize my ability to find them in a hurry (which is most mornings). I truly get all whacked out when they're thrown up into the cabinet haphazardly. I have yelled, begged, cajoled, etc. and all it does is make me super-stressed out.

This is just an example of what I mean -- it's the little things that really don't mean anything, that I'm allowing to stress me out...... when I ought to just be grateful for having the items, for having a way to wash them and keep them clean, for having a house to put them in, and food to put in them. So many things I should be grateful for --- and like an idiot, I focus instead on the part that matters least.

In my heart of hearts, I know I am blessed beyond belief and I really am grateful for all those things in my life. I have more than I need, more than I want, I have health and I have family and friends, and I have a job (such a blessing!). I have the ability to think, to create, to move and walk and breathe without assistance. There are such overarching blessings that I feel like a total, complete heel for the penny-ante whines.

So I really want to work this month on my "attitude of gratitude." I want to stop focusing on those stupid little things and instead be glad for what those irritants mean

• Less whining about the dishes in the sink, and more grateful for the ability to put food on them.
  
• Less screeching about dirty clothes that pile up, and more drop-to-my-knees-in-praise for having more than one item to wear and the means to keep them washed.
• Less peevishness about little crap that really doesn't matter, and more rise-up-and-cry-out about things that really aren't right with the world.
  

From all the petty concerns -- deliver me, Lord. For the things that truly matter -- make me grateful, Lord. From those who have the least in material goods and the most in spirit -- give me the wisdom to learn from them, Lord. For those who need me to speak for them -- give me boldness to do so, Lord.

The Gang still rides......

Another weekend, and I have more apple butter cooking up overnight. There were two pecks of apples to use, so........ It's about 6-1/3 pounds or so of apples before peeling and coring. So I figure it's about 5 pounds of apples afterwards. And I still have quite a few apples left to eat (my adored Pink Lady kind).

And I just realized I left out the spices! Crap! I remembered the Splenda but not the spices. Dang it. Need to go add it really quick!

The Apple Butter Gang.....

Forgive this walk down Memory Lane, but when I was a kid, I got a great thrill out of Movie Saturdays at the elementary school. You see, one of my Girl Scout friends had a dad who had a great love for movies. On Saturdays during the school year, and occasionally in the summers, Mr. H would show movies to the kids using the projector. These were the days when movies and films in class were shown with big honkin' projectors and you had to get the reels just so......... Kids today have no idea how good we had it.

For the grand princely sum of 50c/week, we got to see not one but TWO kid-friendly movies in the cafeteria. Mr. H also provided popcorn and cotton candy for a little extra money. The movies were the great Disney 70s fare like Bedknobs and Broomsticks, The Cat From Outer Space, the original Freaky Friday with Jodie Foster, and one of my very favorites, The Apple Dumpling Gang with Tim Conway and Don Knotts. If memory serves, I also saw the first Superman with Christopher Reeve on one of those Saturdays.

But anyway, last Saturday, I became a one-woman Apple Butter Gang. As I mentioned in my last post, I got possessed, bought 3 pecks of apples, and found a very easy crock-pot apple butter recipe online! The adventure of making apple butter was more like a misadventure from one of the Apple Dumpling Gang movies -- and just as much fun! These are some of the things I learned from my great apple butter adventure:

• The crock-pot that I thought was 6 quarts is only 5. Oh well. What can you do? Okay, what I really wanted to do was get my happy rear to Kohl's for the 8-quart crockpot they had on sale earlier this week. Like I need it. I do. Don't I?
  
• Whomever created the recipe has a serious sweet tooth! :) The original recipe called for 2 c sugar for three pounds of apples. It said you could substitute Splenda. So I did. And let me tell you.......... 1.5 cups of Splenda was PLENTY for 6 pounds of AB's -- honestly, almost too much. I could have gotten away with just 1 cup of the Brown Sugar Splenda.
• When it says cook on Low for 8-10 hours, go with the 10. I ended up putting the apple mush in the fridge until Monday evening, then getting it out to cook down some more. And honestly, I could have let it go for maybe even 11-12? These were some seriously juicy apples!
• Five quarts of apple pieces will cook down by half. What I thought might be 1 gallon (4 quarts) of apple butter was only 72 oz (9 half-pint jars). Yeah, that's still a buttload of apple butter. And I have more to make ..... I gotta do something with these apples! We will also be making and freezing some applesauce too. MMMM!!!!
  
• And, homemade apple butter definitely beats store-bought! ANY day.

Signing off now!
Suzy Homemaker

It's the only explanation...

I am possessed. By the demon of domesticity. Her name is Suzy Homemaker.

I hardly have a domestic type bone in my body for things like home cleaning, chores, decor (I'm definitely no Martha Stewart, but I have a vague idea of what works for me). But I am finding myself strangely drawn to the kitchen and whipping up all manner of food.

I went back to the orchard after working yesterday's WW meetings. I bought 3 pecks total: 1.5 each of Pink Lady (my favorite variety!) and of Arkansas Black. I also got the bright idea while standing there in line to make some apple butter.I found a very easy crock-pot apple butter recipe online, and I fired that sucker up today. I used primarily the Arkansas Blacks, with one of the Honeycrisps. I have even made a double batch, so I might be cooking these apples well into tomorrow...... And I don't know what kind of acidic-like stuff is in apples (peelings, fruit itself, etc.), but let me tell you, my hands felt like sandpaper!!! I did an improvised version of Mary Kay's "Satin Hands" routine with what I have on hand at the house, and they're starting to appear human again. I also managed to completely clog up BOTH basins in the kitchen sink Apparently our disposal wasn't really up for the peelings from 6 pounds of apples. Yeah, I know. I ought to start composting if I'm becoming a domestic diva. Actually, I've been thinking about it anyway (my God, what has come over me????).

I had planned to make some ham & potato chowder today as well and freeze it for the winter. I have about 10 quart freezer containers just begging for some soup to be put into them. I've delayed only because I have to also bake some chicken and some turkey burgers for this week. Yeah, I can do it all at once, but Lord have mercy! Too much domesticity and I may burn out! HA!!!

As much as I love kitchen gadgetry

it has become rather apparent that the gadgets do not love me back........

I am typing to you right now with a band-aid around my right ring finger, top knuckle. That's where I sliced/gouged it on a mandoline, trying to nicely and evenly cut a summer squash. Okay, keep in mind that this gadget wasn't a terribly expensive model -- less a "mandoline" and more of a cheap "slicer" (yeah, you think?).Further proof that you get what you pay for. Happy to report that this will be my LAST accident using said slicer -- I bought a much nicer mandoline a couple of weeks ago. I just grabbed this one out of habit.

Meanwhile, my left thumb and the top knuckle of the left index finger look as though they lost a serious clawfest with a most ill-tempered feline. This was from using the "and if you act now, we'll throw in......" portion of the package. I bought one of those "Titan" peelers that is advertised on TV, and it came with a free julienning tool. Actually, I'm rather pleased with the peeler and the extra gadget. They're both pretty nice.

These culinary preparation disasters should come as no real surprise to those who know me. Remember "danger-prone Daphne" from Scooby-Doo? Or "Messy Marvin" from the Hershey's commercials? Yeah. I'm a relative of theirs.

I have grown to love preparing food. It's been one of the nicer side benefits from the whole weight-loss thing: falling in love with food and how to prepare it, and ways I can make it tastier and better for me. But God knows, while I would love to buy it already-prepped, it's not always an economically sound idea to pay for convenience's sake. Sometimes it is -- don't get me wrong. For instance, as I stare at the ever-reddening bandage, I'm thinking maybe paying more for the pre-sliced squash could have been a good thing.

For me, there's something more "authentic" about doing it yourself. Being part of the preparation can give you a deeper connection to your food and a deeper appreciation for it. Yes, I can buy a can of soup; open and heat, and enjoy for 2 or 3 meals. Or, I can take the time to get all the ingredients, make a huge pot of the soup, eat it for days or freeze it for later, and know more precisely how it was done, what went into it, etc. I haven't gone quite so far as to using ingredients I personally raised with my own little hands; I guess I'm probably more Rachael Ray than I am Martha Stewart. But at least it's a place to start. I can appreciate all the different flavors ... improvise a little with the herbs and spices to suit my own tastes ... ponder the universe and agriculture and all that transpired to bring this food to me. And what the food will do for me once it enters my system .... and how its energy can best be used. What will I do with what the food has given me? How do I respond to that gift? (Yes, let's all hold hands and sing "All Good Gifts" from Godspell, right? Just think about it, okay?)

Where my failures lie are in the mechanics of the preparation. Food and meal prep occasionally requires great patience and an even hand. *SNORT* Okay folks, we need not address my shortcomings in those departments. I'm all too aware of them. So maybe, just maybe, that's the lesson to be learned -- even more so than the "connection to the food and the life cycle and all of creation by extension" portion. I've learned to appreciate the idea of the process, and need to work further on the timing thereof.

****

And in other news............ only 3 weeks to go and I will officially no longer be larva. Color me very psyched!!!!

Fell a little short......

Today was Race for the Cure 2009. My goal: finish in 45:00, but be happy with anything under 48:00.

There could not have been a more ominous weather forecast. They were calling for BIG rain today, mostly all day. It looked a few times like the sky might just open up this morning. God, however, smiled on us and the rains held off. Now, it was cool .... cool and humid, as opposed to last year's warm and muggy. It's an odd combination but not a bad one. I suppose this is what doing a 5K in London would be like.

I got to the parking garage and went down to the gathering area and vendor stations in the courtyard. One of the things which I should know by now is to not visit vendor tents until after I finish the race. Nope. I go right away and end up hauling it all with me (mistake #1). I didn't get as many things this year or visit quite as many tents. Honestly, do I need another tote bag? No. I did buy a checkbook cover at a t-shirt vendor .... and it was needed. The little plastic one they gave me when I opened this account nearly 5 years ago is just about being held together by a string.

The survivor's walk began, and honestly, that part alone is worth the price of admission. This year, I was especially impressed by the women who are 40+ year survivors. I think about the horrific chemo treatments that were around back then. I know the ones my great-aunt had 30-something years ago and how terrible they made her feel (in addition to the fatigue from her actual illness). To see these ladies smiling and waving to us all .... serious lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

Soon afterwards, we lined up and began. During the first mile, in order to get around some of the slower traffic, I began to walk faster, zigzagging in and out. And in some of the wider spaces, I began to jog (mistake #2). Got to the one-mile point and............... 17:16. WHAT? I know, better than last year's 21:something, but still. That's my usual pace at the office on a walk, where I'm not jogging. But I also remembered that my one-mile pace is usually my worst (because of the slower people and the 1-mile-only crowd mixed together with the 5K'ers). Okay.

So the second mile comes along and it's pretty well uphill a good portion of the way. I pulled off the jacket I had on because by this point, I was definitely warm. Wrapped it around my waist and put back on my sling backpack. A full one, again, thanks to all the vendor stuff I picked up. Not smart, not smart. Anyhow, I walked along and kept an eye out for two of my coworkers who were running it. I didn't see them at all! When I got to the 2-mile mark, my time was around 33:15 (if I remember correctly). Okay, that's a good pace ..... for a stretch where I thought I was doing my worst. Um, okay.

Soon came the time for the turn to begin mile three. I really was getting tired, and I knew I would have to do some jogging if I hoped to have a prayer of seeing 45:00 when I crossed the line. I looked down at my watch when I hit the water station and realized 45:00 was slipping away from me. I looked down a short time later and saw 48:00 had elapsed from the start time. I felt like crying, but instead...... I started jogging. I now would have to be happy with anything short of 56:26, even if it was 56:25.

I saw one of my runner-coworkers: she did 33:20!!!! I was so proud of her, and then she told me our other runner did 30:00 (roughly). WHOA!!!!! Talk about extra proud of them -- the one who finished in 30 just quit smoking earlier this month. He's about 9 days out without a cigarette, and figured that doing this race was good incentive to keep on the healthy track. And she just took up running earlier this year. Amazing, both of them!!!

I got to the final turn and couldn't find the timer that's usually at the finish line. I looked at my watch and guesstimated that I'd have somewhere around 52:00.

Apparently, we got a later start than I thought we had. I saw 48:52 at the timer (a smaller one than last year's, which is how I missed it!)..... and started running. I was gonna hit 49:00 if I could. But I didn't have quite enough juice for that.

It's okay though............. Not only did I beat my time from last year by 7:23, I'm still roughly at the same pace I was this spring. And all this year, I haven't exclusively walked as my only exercise. I've done the bike and aerobics too. In a way, I think that helped me ..... it improved my cardio enough that I wasn't totally exhausted at the end. Last year, they had chair massages available and I took advantage -- and nearly fell asleep. This year, I didn't see the massage area, but it's okay. I went back to the food court, got a Fiber One yogurt and some water, and pulled the apple and protein bar I'd brought from home out of my backpack.

I also ran into someone who hadn't seen me in a long time and she didn't recognize me. I have to admit; that's one of the best feelings ever. I love watching eyes bug out and jaws drop. I also ran into my original WW leader in the stairwell -- she didn't recognize me from behind! :D

It is astounding to think that in 2 years, I've managed to shave 17:03 minutes off my time. That amount of time is right now buying me right at another MILE under ideal circumstances (in real life, let's say it will get me 7/8 of a mile). I am thinking the only way right now I'll break 45 is to start running...... more often, so that I can build up my endurance. I can do about 20-30 seconds of straight on run-jogging, and then I have to slow it back down. It might be that I have to do a running clinic where I learn how to run.

I already can't wait for next year. I have another walk in a month for Juvenile Diabetes, and there's a place to hope for 45 too!!!

20 years ago this morning....

I awoke face down on a very nice area rug in Greensboro NC. I didn't wake until 11:30 AM, but it was the next couple of minutes later that got me. When I peered out the windows, there were limbs all over the front yard. I asked Mrs. T (our hostess) what had happened, and she quietly, almost haltingly said, "Girls, the storm came through early this morning. Y'all slept through it."

That's right. I slept through a hurricane.

Hurricane Hugo. 20 years ago last night, it made landfall just east of Charleston, and instead of skirting up the coast as we expected, it came inland, hitting Charlotte, Greensboro, Roanoke and other interior portions of Virginia and eventually Pennsylvania and even up to Buffalo.

We were staying in Greensboro because we had tickets for the Elton John concert, originally scheduled for September 22, 1989 in Charlotte. We figured the storm would go up the coast, toward the Outer Banks and the Tidewater area....... no problem, right?

God said, HAAAAAAAAAA!

No concert. We stayed in Greensboro until Saturday afternoon, at which point we trekked on over to Raleigh where other friends had gathered. By Sunday morning, I was tired and just wanted to be home until I knew what would happen next. We all knew school was shut down indefinitely. I dropped off one person from our travel party in Fort Mill (just outside Charlotte). His neighborhood looked like a war zone..... trees and uprooted stuff and mangled fencing. Half his street had water and electricity, the other half did not. I remember he asked about his sister, and his mom mentioned that she was up the street at a neighbor's taking a shower because they were in the water-service area, and their home had none. I dropped off another person in Spartanburg, then headed home to wait it out.

A week later, we were back, but things would never be "back to normal." Even though we weren't there for the height of the storm, as some of our local friends were, an event like that changes you and your perspective. I never really thought I was invincible or even immortal. Having attended way too many family funerals as a youngster gave me lots of exposure to the life-and-death cycle. I knew from losing two classmates in high school that, yes indeed, it could happen to any of us and eventually it would catch up to us. So I held no illusions of invincibility or immortality. But I had an illusion of innocence -- that somehow, the world was still fresh and wonderful if I just believed it so.

That was a casualty of the storm. Wisdom and knowledge have their price, usually consisting of selling your innocence and your idealism.

At least the NBA can thank Hugo for something -- they got a star out of the deal. Tim Duncan was supposed to be an Olympic swimmer. The Olympic-size training pool on his island got destroyed in the storm, so he changed sports.

As autumn approaches....

I'm so glad autumn, my very favorite season, is nearly here. There's a special kind of magic about those three months that grabs me and doesn't let go. In nearly 40 years, I've never quite been able to adequately describe the magic -- and even if I could, I wouldn't want to break the spell by uttering the appeal. I love the rich earthy colors. I love the crisp air. Of course, I love football season!

The maple tree out back has always been my fall barometer. When I was a kid, I always knew it was close to my birthday because there would be tons and tons of leaves all over the yard from the maple. As time has gone on and the climate has changed, I can't count on the leaves as the telltale sign of my birthday. For many years, the leaves didn't turn, let alone actually fall, until November -- past my birthday. Other years, especially the drought-stricken years of recent memory, the leaves have turned and gone by mid-October (too soon for this girl!).

The tree isn't much longer for this world. It is very old, drying faster than you can imagine, and we've already had to cut limbs weakened by summer droughts and winter ice storms. It makes a nice wood to put in the fire pit, but there's sadness in that burning too. I dread the day the tree will come down at last. It's coming fairly soon -- the tree trunk is just barely on our neighbor's side of the property line, but the branches extend to both yards. As a kid, I always thought of the tree as ours and in a way, I still do. Dad and the neighbor have discussed it several times over the last few years -- we all know that the tree is dying. When limbs were cut a couple of years ago, one limb in particular had a portion of the center hollowed out and full of black ants. Yeah. Not good for the tree or for our respective properties (his shed, Dad's shed and our deck).

It is startling to realize that I'm about to turn 40. Honestly, it's a birthday I've looked forward to for quite some time now. I've been prepping myself for months, telling myself I'm 40. It's just a number. That's all. But it's a good number. I feel very at ease in my own skin and in my own life. It took me such a long time to get there. With age comes wisdom (sometimes, anyway), and as much as I still think of myself as being younger (I'll always be 27 in my mind!), I wouldn't want to do it all over again. I gained this perspective and insight and wisdom through my failures and missteps and stumblings -- and even if I could go back and change things, I wouldn't. Do I want to trade off the hard-earned knowledge for getting my way (and maybe getting far worse)? Not a chance. I'm keeping what I've earned. Yeah..... that's it. A sense of earning my keep in this world. That what I know and what I feel and sense and believe has been earned, and not just handed to me. That's what's making 40 feel like a great place to be.

Makes me giddy. Fall and 40.

***

One very VERY sad note: I lost a fraternity brother this week, and I am just heartbroken. Carolyn was only a few months younger than me. She was a dedicated teacher, coach, friend, and all-around good person. There will never ever be another person like her -- yeah, we all know that. But in this case, it's so very true. Carolyn wasn't the life of the party; she was the party. It really makes me so very sad to realize the world is a dimmer place without her. I pray today, the day of her funeral, that her family is strengthened and comforted by God's love and care, and that they take solace in the love shown by the legions of people whose lives were touched by her -- all the kids she coached, the students she taught, her colleagues, the friends who loved her, and anyone whose life was changed by her care and concern.

As for me, I am sure that the angels welcomed her warmly into Paradise. I also have no doubts that she's already organized a parade, followed by a barbecue, for all new arrivals to have a meet-and-greet! And is passing out clown noses and balloons to everyone. "Hey, Moses -- here you go, you forgot this! HONK HONK!"

Godspeed, Shotgun. You will be sorely, dearly missed, and I know we shall meet again.

An ugly W is still a W!!

Hallelujah, it has begun and the long national nightmare is over -- college football season has arrived!!! My beloved Gamecocks were again the Cardiac Chickens......

Last year, the game at NC State was almost a yawn: 34-0 and NC State looked baaaaaaad (and I don't mean "Superfly" kinda bad). This year, it was much, much closer, and near the end, looked pretty dang scary. We squeaked out a 7-3 win.

Actually, it's a good thing. For me, the harder you work for something, the more meaningful it is. And two, you learn more from your challenges than from your creampuff moments. Next weekend, Georgia is NOT going to be an NC State (no offense to the Wolfpack, mind you) so we had best develop our A+ game this week. Georgia will be bringing it -- especially if they get punked by Okie State.

Fall is just around the corner. It is official now! LET THE GAMES CONTINUE!

A veggie tale of sorts.....

I am a proud product of the South...... except for some of the food.

Fried chicken? Check (okay, these days, it's faux-fried in the oven but that's not the point). Buttermilk biscuits? MMMM.... gimme!!! Cornbread? Very much so, but it took me a few years to get there. Same with bluegrass music; took years me to appreciate it. Collards or turnip greens?..........

Well, let's pause there.

My parents, every New Year's Day, would have black-eyed peas and turnip greens. Mom is not a fan of collards so they substituted turnip greens for the annual New Year's Day ritual. Supposedly, you eat these foods as a symbol of the money you hope to obtain throughout the year. Frankly, I prefer -- and practice -- the money-burial ritual instead (don't ask, it's a long story). And to show our disdain for those disgusting foods, my brother and I made a tradition of splitting a frozen pizza and bag of chips.

I'll also say that while I was a somewhat picky eater as a child, as I've grown older my tastes have developed and changed. The broccoli I absolutely hated as a child is the same food that I have never gotten enough of from age 12 on. The cornbread that I refused to eat all through my childhood and teen years (except as Thanksgiving dressing) is the stuff I love now. I still don't like black-eyed peas or field peas or butter beans or anything of the sort.... I do like a small amount of black beans (usually as part of a soup or corn salad), and I love kidney beans in chili, but that's about the extent of my bean adventures.

About a year ago, we had a catered luncheon at work from a local upscale barbecue place. One of their sides that came was cooked collard greens, cooked "southern-style." Flavored with ham and onions. I needed a couple of extra veggie servings that day, and I knew I couldn't count macaroni as a vegetable (much as most meat-and-three places try to convince me otherwise). So with much trepidation, I got a small serving of the collards. I wouldn't have called it love at first bite, but I did go back for seconds.

Now, eating Smoke on the Water's collards is one thing. But to fix them myself is another. And to venture even further is yet another. But it happened. I was passing through Durham NC a few weeks ago and stopped at Cracker Barrel for lunch. And with hardly a second thought, one of the sides I ordered was the turnip greens. Now that was love at first bite. I downed them pretty quickly. It had to be a fluke, right? I mean, really, there's no way this can be happening to me.

This past week, I went to Whole Foods' hot bar for lunch. One of the veggies? "Southern-style Collards"...... and they were very good.

What is happening to me? Are black-eyed peas next (I like their music, but....)?

Are you ready for some......

FOOOOTBAAAAAAALLLLL???? Dang skippy.

I love football -- a near-unhealthy love of it, compared to others of us who have a set of double-X chromosomes. Any future husband had either better love it as much or prepare to be a football widower. The tailgating? Check. And I'm far less apt to look at cute tight pants as much as I'm looking at their stats and how the team is doing overall and compared to their opponents. College is my favorite, but there's nothing like a Sunday pro game too. AAAAAH!

And with that in mind......... I have two pro teams to which I have pledged my allegiance: the Carolina Panthers and the Green Bay Packers. I've been a Packer-backer even when they sucked very badly in the late 70s/early 80s, so it wasn't just a Favre thing. (Matter of fact, I kind of hope Favre STAYS retired at last. The drama is useless, and he ought to know better.) And I've been a Panthers fan since the expansion. When it comes to it, I'm an NFC girl, and mostly the NFC South. I'll root for the Packers and whomever plays the Bears (ha!) in the NFC North. NFC West? Snore.

NFC East..... well, I've never had much of a favorite team..... of course, it's only recently been aligned the way it is now (last few years). When I was a kid, I was a Dallas fan..... but as St. Paul says, "When I was a child, I thought as a child, I reasoned as a child...... but now that I am a man, I put away childish things." Well, that and Jerry Jones unceremoniously dumping Tom Landry, the last of the true gentleman-coaches. And in the last few years, nothing has given me greater thrill than watching the 'Boys lose. But they've been replaced on the bottom of the NFC East rung by...........

The Philadelphia Eagles. And if you need to ask why, you have obviously been living under a rock or not watched the news in the last couple of days. Michael Vick has a LONG way to go to prove to me that he's a changed person. I think what bothers me most is referring to his crimes as a "mistake." Again, a mistake is leaving the iron or coffeepot on all day, or messing up a formula in a spreadsheet. Bankrolling an illegal activity, participating in it (and not just merely watching the dogfights), and killing the losers....... that's evil. Just plain evil. That's not a mistake, that's a deliberate disregard for God's creation. There's no amount of money that can get his PR back on track -- it will take years of concerted effort, of genuine remorse, and of owning up to what he did instead of glossing it over and calling it a "mistake." It was no mistake; it was a crime, both against society and against creation.

And until he decides to do so, I cannot support him or any team that takes him on. Let's hope that Tony Dungy (as his mentor) and Andy Reid (as his coach) will help him see the light.

Proud child of the 70s.

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You know, I was talking with some girlfriends recently. I mentioned that I had a cousin's wife whom I don't think I ever saw without a ciggie hanging out of her mouth from the time I can remember first seeing her until she passed a few years back. I also remarked that back in the 70s, when I was getting my vaccinations, etc. in my family doctor's office, he smoked in there. The whole office smelled of smoke and no one thought anything about it.

We rode around town in big ol' honkin' ugly woodgrain-paneled stationwagons. Without seat belts or car seats (car seats? you got out of those once you turned a year old!). Standing up in the passenger seat or sitting on the fold-down armrest. Riding our bikes all over town in the summer without parental supervision.... sometimes without direct parental knowledge (oopsie). Actually being encouraged to stay outside all day and NOT come home until called for a meal. Walking to the store for penny candy (only by then, 2 for a nickel) .... in my case, the Speedy Mart and Mr. Owen's store (OMG, does anyone else remember Astro Pops??)

Seeing the pictures of me in my Girl Scout uni with my other Brownie friends. Going to Camp Wabak...... oh my. Plaid. Plaid. Plaid. My orange-and-black rugby striped shirt for my 4th grade picture.

I'd love to hear some more of your 70s memories -- share them in the comments!!