Mistake or bad choice? and thoughts about the South

Okay, so the big sports story of the day is the "conditional reinstatement" of Michael Vick to the NFL --- provided there's a team that will take him. More on that in a second......

First, though, I was reading a commentary on MSNBC, and the author more or less suggested that it would have to be a Southern team that would take him ...... because after all, Southerners are more likely to shrug off dog-fighting as "boys being boys." Excuse the (multiple expletives deleted) out of me, but Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, dude????? Now, I realize there are Southerners (and I know a few) who would shrug it off -- kind of like saying, "That's just racing." But most of the ones I know would be highly incensed by the very idea. I knew a few "good ol' boys" when I was in high school -- heavy into outdoor sports (meaning, hunting and fishing). Most hunter/fishers I know would take better care of their hounds than any other animal. Hell, some of them might even treat their dogs better than they do their wives or girlfriends. The very idea of breeding an animal simply to fight for man's sport would be viewed as irresponsible at the mildest, unredeemable at worst.

Now, you all know I'm a dog lover -- and almost all other animals, save for the creepycrawlies and especially the slitherers. So what Vick did disgusts me to absolutely no end. The fact that he remains practically unrepentant is what sticks in my craw. He has yet to stand in front of the media and admit that he bred dogs to fight, bred them to kill, and killed the slower performers. He allowed female dogs to be tied to "rape stands" so that they could not get away, all in the name of breeding a stronger, meaner dog with a worse killer instinct. And he LIED about it to the federal investigators. And what does he call all those things? "Mistakes."

Hell no. A mistake is when you go off and leave the iron on at home. A mistake is an error in a formula on a spreadsheet. His actions could at easiest be labeled "bad choices." He has yet to own those choices. He has yet to say, "Yes, I chose to get involved in this horrendous thing. I chose to ally myself with guys I knew growing up who have no futures. I bankrolled the whole thing so they could roll with me, since I was making the big bucks. I thought I was above the law and could get away with it .... I figured they could never trace it back to me." Man up, Vick. Man up.

While I'm at it, I'm still pissed about the article assuming that Southerners are all (still) inbred racists who love nothing more than bloodsport. You know, I was thinking about this the other day with the whole Dr. Gates thing at Cambridge, Massachusetts. Where have most of the racial incidents of the last 20 years occurred? That's right. NOT IN THE SOUTH. Rodney King and later Reginald Denny? Los Angeles. I can't think of the guy's name, but it was the guy shot 41 times -- in New York City. Dr. Gates' arrest? New England. Folks, those places are way above the ol' Mason-Dixon line. Is there still racism in the South? I wouldn't doubt it. But I get so tired of the stereotype that all white Southerners are born to hate.

I'd better get off the soapbox. I'll stay here all night, otherwise.

Twelve years and 3 hours ago.....

My phone rang. It was my best friend, sounding horribly tired but happy: "Hey, just wanted to let you know, SHE'S HERE AT LAST!!!!" With those words, my godchild entered my life, long after she'd entered my heart. That happened when they called to tell me I was going to become a godmother.

It has been my delight, my honor, my privilege and my great joy to watch her grow and develop into a young woman. Being her godmother is a responsibility that I cherish and don't take lightly. It is my sincere hope that as the years continue to go by, she and I will be more than just godmother-godchild, but true friends as well.

Happy Birthday, Reebs! I hope you know how much you are loved!!!

Are there any answers??

I'm a bit stymied ...... around 2 weeks ago, I had bloodwork drawn for an FSH test. Those results came back just fine. So a week ago, they drew more blood for a TSH/T4 test (thyroid) ..... and those results came back fine.

I'm beginning to wonder if there are any answers to be had. I don't know anymore. I am stumped. My doctor is stumped. But I have to have answers ...... I have to get to the bottom of this mystery.

My baby's first "sleepover"

We are going out of town this weekend, and are boarding Maddox for the first time since we got him. He was used to being boarded on weekends with his previous owners, but that was two years ago.

Last week, we had a minor issue with Maddox that gave us cause for concern: he growled twice at my mother. Not just a "hey nanny, something's going on behind you" kind of thing. It was looking right at her and decided something wasn't kosher about her. That is definitely not Maddox .... and especially given that my mother is his chief dogsitter! He even growled at my dad -- and he usually worships the ground my daddy walks on (wonder where he picked that up...). Dad popped his nose and said, "NO!" He looked at my dad like, "Huh? What happened?"

So I called the vet and they suggested bringing him in for a checkup.... just to make sure there was no medical issue. And luckily, there isn't. He apparently was just having a bad day.

I think part of it is that I take him for grooming at a large pet store, about a half-hour drive away, and by the time it's all said and done, it becomes a six-hour ordeal. He isn't crazy about long car rides, either. I think he gets motion sickness (more on "like owner, like pet" in a moment). So my mission became to find a groomer closer to home.

I found a lady only about 5 miles down the road, out in the country, who grooms, offers day-care, and boarding. We had planned to just take him down on Friday morning and have my brother pick him up Friday evening (since he is not able to join us for the vacation). As we discussed the Fourth and fireworks, Miss D mentioned that they don't have a lot of that out their way. My dad (who went with me to help handle Maddox) and I kind of looked at each other, smiled and said, "Uh, how much to board for 3 nights?"

I took Maddox to her tonight since we're leaving before she opens shop (and to help him get accustomed to their house). He went inside his crate where I had placed his bed and my pillowcase (for a familiar object from home). He whimpered -- not sure if it was because we were leaving and he sensed it .... or if it was the rabbit in the crate near him. He was excited about that. I can't wait for him to see their kitty-kitty.... (How he missed that, I will never know!)

When I heard the whimper, I had to leave. It was breaking my heart, and I had to get out before I took him out and screamed, "No, he's coming with us, no no no!" I know he can't.... but Miss D and her husband seemed to like him a lot.

So I am leaving him in their very capable hands. Miss D has been grooming, training, and showing dogs for nearly 30 years, and worked for a vet for 10-plus years. I know she will be good to my baby. It's just hard to leave...... I think this is the closest I will get to parenthood, so......

***

Now for the "like owner, like pet" stuff.

I have been having some medical issues, and last week had to have blood drawn for labwork. It turned out okay, but now they have decided to check my thyroid. Maddox has hypothyroidism (underperforming) ..... Now, I have heard that people and their pets begin to look alike. But I've never heard of people and their pets sharing a medical condition!!!

I'll find out my results of this test next week. URGH. If it's normal and they have to draw even more blood I will just scream.

WHEEE!!!!

Yes, the minutiae of this day is boring. Imagine if I had a Twitter account. Mama has a new MP3 player -- a Creative Labs Mozaic 2GB in black. Thank you eBay in so many ways today.

More to come...........

I spoke too soon.

The Insignia player is working but it's temperamental at best. Twice now it has locked up on me, and can only be undone by a quick jab to the reset area. Thin pens are getting their workout today at my abode.......

I've also noticed that perfectly legitmate uploads -- and by that, I mean songs that have been uploaded before with no problem -- suddenly are completely inaccessible..... For example, it will skip straight from song 5 to song 7. Every single time. And again, no clue why?

I'm peeved all over again and too tired to care tonight. I had just gotten off the phone with BigBox's customer service, cancelling my online order, when I discovered this. I just didn't feel like bothering to call them back to say, "Uh, fellas? Guess what?"

Needless to say, Mama's going shopping. Again.

***

Oh yeah -- also, don't get me started on a certain national/regional sporting goods dealer. This Sunday, they had an ad for buying a heart-rate monitor for an incredible rate. I mean, SUPER good deal. One I wasn't planning to even think about passing up. Went to their site, clicked on the "buy online" link -- "not available." And I know my local one didn't have any of that brand in stock yesterday but plenty of a competing brand - and naturally at a higher price.

Boys, I believe it's called bait-and-switch. Well, guess what? Found the same exact monitor on eBay, with FREE SHIPPING, and even with my dollar donation to a very worthy cause, it's STILL costing me less than it would have from you even if you'd had them in-store yesterday. Honestly, I'm kind of surprised you're still in that location anyway -- seeing that you have a sister store only about 3 miles up the road, a big competitor across the interstate in a well-traveled shopping center, and even newer competition going in practically across the street. I don't think your location will be around long. I'm amazed you haven't merged with the other store yet.

Anyway ........ HA!!!!!!!!

Well, dang it all.........

***STOP THE PRESSES, VICKI VALE!!!***

I got the Insignia player to work. Turns out there is a little reset area where you stick the end of a pen in there and VI-OLER. It came back to life, just like the little girl in today's Gospel. Thank you Lord. -- Annette

We now return you to the regularly scheduled rant I had typed up, which I thought was pretty dang good, so I'll leave it.

***

Yesterday, over at Weighty Matters, I posted this big loooooonnnnnnng post about my MP3 player, and the list I currently have and what I'm going to cull from it, etc. etc.

So this afternoon, I did it. I excised the old songs, put on the new, and realized I was missing four of the keepers out of my library. I disconnected my MP3 player (and the corresponding USB cord) from the port, put in the jump drive where I had those songs stored, and reconnected the MP3 player.

Dead. Dead as a doornail. I disconnected it. Tried to turn it on and..........
Still dead.

You know, I had opined a few weeks ago about getting a new one, but I did not expect to have to get one so soon. I do not want an iPod at all. Nothing against Apple, but I prefer not to have to do things so weirdly. Thanks to BigBox, I am using iTunes as a music store, burning to CD, and then ripping -- all because I can't get cards there anymore for Rhapsody, my preferred music store.

But dang it all. I am going to BigBox anyway to replace it. I found an inexpensive 2GB Sony model to get me through for a while. But this other one is dead. Just plain dead. You can't see it, but I am pitching an inner hissy fit. This Insignia player has been good, and performed well. What has ticked me off more than anything is BigBox's decision to stop making accessories or to offer much for their older products (the point of my previous rant on this) I am thinking, "What? Do they expect their products to wear out so quickly that you'll come running back for a replacement within months?" Because sorry -- this one (until now) was very well constructed. I've put it through a whole lot in the roughly 27 months I had it. But I really, really, really hate losing it.

Le sigh. If this one conks out in a year, then I will go all sheeple-like and become a Pod person. Actually, I'll probably not and be the last holdout on Earth. THAT'S IT!!!! iPod is SkyNet! It explains everything.......... (hee hee hee).

Almost July and time to recharge.

June has been crazy so far (hence, far fewer postings than I would normally like). I mean, really, it's just been a blur!

So what's been going on?

Work: Busy as ever; maybe even more so. A couple of new things landed on my plate this month, and I have to find a way to balance it all or I will not be long for being able to do it. Nothing makes my immune system go crazier than stress. Even my chiropractor can look at my shoulders/upper back (serious stress area for me) and say, "Holy mackerel, what have you been doing since your last visit?" Yeah, it's not good when that happens. I don't know how to make it work, except to set up a schedule that says something like, "Mornings each day: purchasing duties. Monday and Wednesday afternoons: HR. Tuesday afternoon: accounting. Thursday afternoon: accounting and system testing. Friday afternoon: mixed bag. Please hold all your stuff until the appropriate time unless someone is bleeding or dying. Otherwise, I can't handle it." There is only one of me, and I'm not doing such a great job right now making it work.

Vehicular Things: The upside? I got a better vehicle. The downside? The stress of figuring out my checkbook to make it all balance well. I think I can do it with minimal impact. Knowing I also only have about 9 months left on my accelerated payment plan for student loan is helping out too. It's like "hold on for nine months and things will be good."

Health: Maintenance for WW has been tough on me. I've actually gained weight. UGH.... so I'm back on plan as I try to get back to goal (or within the limits they set). I'm trying a few new things to shake it up. Part of the quick gain may not be so much due to the usual issues from maintenance (adding food back, etc.) but due to another little wrinkle. There could be a hormonal imbalance that is causing weight to come on and off suddenly. So this past week I had some bloodwork drawn for a lab test. I will know my results on Monday. Either way, there will be some sort of treatment -- just which one will depend on the results. More tests may be forthcoming too based on the results. I have a whole slew of mixed feelings based on what I have been told so far. But that's another post for another time.

Recharge: I am heading to my cousin's lakehouse in North Carolina next weekend to play catch-up with them, and to recharge my batteries. I have gone too long without a break .... one day off (Memorial Day) does not a break make. And really, this long weekend isn't going to do much either but it's a start. In mid-July, I'm heading to the Tidewater area for a girls' weekend with some good friends. I am really looking forward to that for a recharge. And depending on how things go when I get back from this coming weekend, I may also sit down with my boss and try to come up with a plan to help me handle everything better. I appreciate their trust in me but there comes a point when I have to say, "No, really, I can't take on any more."

There's the old adage that God never gives us more than we can bear. It's small comfort to know I can bear this much. Apparently, I have even more strength that I wasn't aware of -- and I've learned in the last few years I had way more than even I imagined. The idea that there's even more within me is comforting and yet frightening too.

And with that, I still have miles to go before I sleep later tonight..... errands to run, chores to complete, life to live.

Devil's music, my butt.....

Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For the people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way
Of caring about ourselves

This is our last dance
This is ourselves under pressure
Under pressure
-- David Bowie & Queen, "Under Pressure"

Okay, so I am only 27 years late to the party on these particular lyrics.

I love our priests at my parish, and way more often than not, they have fantastic homilies (which is similar to a sermon, but shorter, sweeter, and to the point). But on the way to a dinner party this evening, I had this song cranked up and was really listening to it intently. The lyrics just struck me as being as powerful as any homily that I have heard.

"Love dares us to change......" You could stop it right there. Love really does dare us to change everything in response. Real love is transformative and transforming. It is what inspires us to action .... to see the world in a new light, a new frame, and to do something to make it better.

I don't know why these words resonated with me today. But they have, and I have to figure out why. What is that greater love calling me to do?

I'm still around and kicking....

I have a lot of things I'm thinking about, but just haven't had a chance to write them all down yet.

The biggest news is that I finally reached my weight goal -- you can read all about it on my Weighty Matters blog. I'm still processing everything that has happened with that. I'm so excited about it, and trying to really plan my next moves (besides maintenance and becoming a Lifetime member). It's figuring out the plastic surgery/skin removal thing and how to make that work.

I'm excited about a girls' weekend coming up next month! I'm planning some things for that as well. Everyone needs some time off, and I am way overdue! :) It's going to be great to see my girls and have a great time just laughing and forgetting my everyday life .... even for a couple of days. I have a whole train of thought about the American approach to vacation versus the European approach. Even this workaholic American is starting to lean toward their viewpoint.

Work is keeping me really busy.... see above paragraph.

And speaking of, I had best sign off. Almost time to leave and join the masses on the highways and interstates. Le sigh.

Happy birthday, buddy!!!

Today is the birthday for a very special friend of mine. He came into my life 2 years ago in May, and my life has not been the same since. This friend has enriched my life in ways I never expected, has been there for me when I couldn't tell my troubles to another soul, and loves me without question or condition.

Of course, I'm talking about Maddox.

For non-regular readers or close friends, Maddox is my Lab mix. I'm not sure what the other half is -- I was told Husky, but I've thought of Great Pyrenees, wondered about Malamute, and also been told Shepherd as well. Whatever his lineage, I could not ask for a better dog. He has been one of the best gifts to come into my life. He is friendly to mostly everyone (though we've noticed lately he is not very thrilled with children between ages 2-5 or so..... gotta work on that), loyal to a fault, and I have no doubts that he would defend me or my family to the death. He is the delight of my heart, my walking buddy (though lately, he's slower than I am... might have to take up running to get him in gear again), and I cannot imagine my life without him.

I am not a believer in love at first sight. Attraction, yes; love, no. I made an exception to the rule that said, "No love at first sight, unless it's your baby." I have amended that to "There is no love at first sight, except for children and dogs." It's true. I saw him at the kennel that day and it was an instant "I *have* to take this dog." I don't know if I felt he needed us that badly, or if my soul was saying that I needed him. Either way, it's been the deal of a lifetime. What he has given in return for some shelter, food, and a daily walk cannot be bought or measured.

Happy birthday, buddy-buddy! I love you more than you can ever know.

It's Memorial Day Weekend....

This weekend, I would like to take time to remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice so that others could live and enjoy the great freedoms we have in our country and to keep the light of freedom shining in the world.

First, there is my great-uncle James. He died in 1942, in World War II, somewhere in the Pacific Theater. My father never got to know him (obviously, having been born in 1944), but I have heard that my great-grandmother was just completely crushed by his death. She bought ten plots at the cemetery, but only two have been used -- his and hers. I have traipsed all over Eastview Cemetery to find theirs and haven't yet. It's not that big of a cemetery, so if the weather is good on Monday, I would love to drive there, and get a small flag to place on his grave (if I find it, that is!) If not, there are plenty of other vets there, so the flag would not go to waste!

The county in which I live has an unusually high number of recipients (per capita) of the Congressional Medal of Honor: PFC Furman L. Smith, US Army (WW2); PFC William A. McWhorter, US Army (WW2); PFC Charles H. Barker, US Army (Korean Conflict); and L/CPL James D. Howe, USMC. Pickens County is also home to the first female military pilot killed in US history (Capt. Kimberly Hampton).

It is their bravery, their willingness to serve, and their selflessness that give me pause to be more like that in my own daily life. So on Monday, take even just a few minutes to pause and remember all those in the military who gave everything for your rights, your privileges, and your freedoms. It matters not how you feel about a particular war, or about war in general ..... the military doesn't get enough credit for doing a spectacular job!!!!

iThink iMay have to cross over....

and become a(n i)Pod person.

I am pretty dang upset right now with Best Buy. I bought one of their branded MP3 players a couple of years back. It still works great, I'm very happy with it, and there's no real reason to trade it in for a different model. A couple of Sundays ago, I went to Best Buy to get a BB Digital Music Store download cards, just as I have done ever since I bought this model. And I went to get a new armband for it, as I have misplaced the one that came with it.

Only I have discovered....
1. "Oh we don't sell those cards anymore because we stopped partnering with Rhapsody. But we have Napster now, or you can get an iTunes card......."

Okay, back the bus up. I got on Rhapsody because of the cards, and I have grown to like the service. But I am NOT willing to pay per download outside of using the card. I got a discount that way, and using the card also gave me another level of control ..... so that I didn't rack up a $40 download bill that goes straight to my debit card. No, I like the idea of asking myself if I really need that, and do I have enough credits left on the card to make it worth my while.

I'm not switching to Napster. But I went ahead and got the iTunes card. Only I can't transfer any of the songs I've downloaded to this MP3 player as a sync. No, I'll have to burn them to a CD and then do a sync-up that way. I have not only been screwed by Best Buy, but Apple as well because I don't have one of THEIR products.

I didn't want an iPod. I never did. But......

2. "Oh, wow, an armband.... Gee. Did you look over here?" (Yes, numbskull. If I could have found it, I wouldn't be coming to you for help.)

Wow. Guess what? They don't sell things for those "old" products anymore.

I am done. Done. DONE. As much as I don't want to, I fear I have no alternative but to switch instead of fight.

I hate Big Box.

The cleaning project....

Today, after going out for lunch to treat Mom, I bought a couple of 64-qt storage containers for my winter gear. I also found quite a bit of stuff I can add to the ever-growing Goodwill bag. But I have so much further to go. I have a feeling this little project may just take me most of the week....... oh, wait. I have 3 nights where I won't be at home until well after 8:00. Dangitall....... Oh well, over the weekend then. OH WAIT. I have something I'm doing then. Guess I'll just stay up until 11:00 working on the project.

And with that, I'm off to work more on it.

Spring Cleaning..... and other thoughts

I have put it off as long as I can. So after getting home tomorrow from taking Mom out for dinner, I am simply going to HAVE to start somewhere, and my somewhere will be putting up the winter clothing at last. I have a bunch of sweaters especially that I want to keep, because I intend to wear that size come next winter. I love this idea more than you can ever imagine.

***

Speaking of Mother's Day, I picked my mom's gift up today. She wanted a gift card from a local chain of clothing stores. I swear, I must have been the only under-40 person in there .... no, I take it back, I saw a child following her mom, and they must have been gift-hunting too. I have shopped in there before -- heck, in my early teens they carried some really good clothes for all ages. But now, it's like the domain of the 65-plus woman. And the front of this store has a sitting area --- usually occupied by elderly men who are awaiting their honeys to hurry up and finish so they can just get out of the feminine haze. Poor fellas; spending countless hours of their golden years waiting on the Mrs. to get her favorite pretty polyester pants.

***

I posted this over on my weight-loss blog, but....... I did a 5K this morning, a fundraiser/benefit for a local domestic violence shelter. It was a wonderful race, and I got to see several friends from various areas of my world: a longtime friend, some coworkers, one of my WW compadres, and met someone (a friend of my friend) who works at the same employer as my best friend.

Better still, I got the chance to learn more about domestic violence, and I saw this exhibit that just tugged at me. It is called The Clothesline Project, and it was t-shirts with messages from people who have survived (and continue to survive) domestic violence whether at the hands of a spouse, their parents, or both .... which probably happens far more than we can know. If a child is beaten and told they're worthless, it's easy to see why they'd be attracted to a mate who tells them the same thing. They have no reference to learn they're worth so very much!!!! But what really got me were the alternating tees..... in between the ones made by survivors & their kids and friends were the ones with a name and the phrase "killed by domestic violence" and their death date. There were names I recognized from the 6:00 newscasts.

Having known people who were victims when I was younger, I found it hard to understand why they just didn't leave. I never realized that my own sense of self-worth had been hammered in from my childhood. Not that my parents were 100% perfect all the time, because no parent is. But if they said hurtful words, they apologized and things were eventually restored. And somewhere deep within, I had a pretty resilient spirit anyway. So it was very hard for me to fathom why a woman (especially) would knowingly stay with someone who told her she was useless and worthless and ugly and no good and then proceed to beat her to show her this. I did not get it at all......

What I've come to know is that it can happen to anyone, of any social strata, in any location, at any time, and that if it happens often enough, even the strongest woman can have her self-worth eroded to nothing..... and she feels she has no worth and maybe he's right.

This makes me want to learn more about the subject and to do something to help educate others about the warning signs, about the dangers. But most importantly, to love my sisters who can't seem to love themselves, who don't think themselves worthy of care and love. What I need to do is show them they are. And hopefully my actions and words will plant a seed that will sprout into something strong and hardy.

Just a quick thought.....

One would think that by now, if they can vaccinate against all manner of childhood diseases that used to cripple, maim and kill --- and if they can now vaccinate against a strain of virus that can be a cause of cancer ........

Just when are they going to make a vaccine for migraines?

I am truly blessed not to have severe migraines that make me nauseous and knock me cold for hours or days on end. But I seem to have ones that just remain at a level 4-6 .... just irritating enough that they never fully develop and don't seem to ever fully go away. As the weather gets warmer, my headaches will either worsen or become more frequent. Something about the heat must be a trigger. That's the one nice thing about winter; I don't get nearly as many of these PITA headaches.

As much as Excedrin Migraine helps, I know that it's reaching a point where it will no longer be enough. I'm not looking forward to the day I go for testing. I know it's going to happen. I'd just like to postpone it as long as possible.

Out, out damn headache!

The best laid plans.....

Yeah, take it to mean the spring cleaning didn't even get started. I ended up napping a little Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon as well -- less than an hour each time, but apparently I really needed the sleep.

And I had planned to do some organizing at work today too. Well, that didn't happen either. We're getting ready to do open enrollment, and there were some things I needed to coordinate with our insurance broker instead of organizing myself. Plus another thing I needed to get done today, or at least close enough to it. The other thing I had planned for the afternoon ..... ha ha haha haha hahaha. Yeah. You know what happened.

I have a two-hour meeting tomorrow morning. So tomorrow afternoon..... I am locking the door. I am putting the phone on DND, and I am getting something D.O.N.E. I have to.

Today is the day....

My original plan was to spend yesterday doing spring cleaning. I mulled over doing the Azalea Festival 5K, and then was going to do cleaning. I did the 5K alright (click on the link for details), but the cleaning? Nah. It didn't happen.

But today, I at least have to start organizing some things again. And once again, I can see the Goodwill bag getting full. Maybe not as much as last time, but there will be some things for certain! So in about 5 minutes, I'm going to start on Sunday lunch (baking a meatloaf), read the morning paper (which I didn't get to do since I cantored the 8:00 service), and then after lunch, start cleaning / organizing.

Organizing: one of the many skills that I just don't take the time to do as I should. But that's another story.

Help. Help me. Something is very wrong.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Something has come over me and I don't know how to stop it. I feel a strong urge to not only do this but (gasp!) plan for it:

Spring cleaning.

Stop me before the disease grows! BWAAAAAAAAAAH!

The Lord is risen; he is risen indeed!

Okay, I don't normally write spiritually-oriented stuff on my main blog. I have a separate private blog for my spiritual/religious thoughts, and I try to limit it to that part of cyberspace. But today is Easter, the holiest of holidays in the Christian church, and today, I feel the great joy of the resurrection. I would not be true to myself if I did not acknowledge that. My faith is very much a part of who I am. Perfect? Heh. You read the blog; you know better. Forgiven? I believe so -- if not, then I would be most miserable of all humanity (to paraphrase St. Paul).

The season of Lent is a wilderness experience, to learn how to depend on God for our needs, and to prepare ourselves for our own passion-death-resurrection experience. While we will all face the ultimate PDR experience, we can experience them on smaller scales in our lifetimes.

Since mid-February, my life has been given a few twists and turns, and I'm still trying to sort through everything. I am trying to simply keep treading water and not drown! I have some new responsibilities, new learning of all kinds, new adventures and challenges -- and at a few times, the same old level of self-doubt. But I know that deep down I am a hardy girl and I will not only survive but thrive.

During the times when I feel that I simply cannot continue, that I can't last even just one more moment, I think back to a thought shared with me by Jill Connor Browne THE Sweet Potato Queen: "The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot sustain you." A few years ago at this time (when Jill shared that thought with me), I was in a wilderness of self-doubt. Mostly, I needed to rediscover the person God meant me to be. I had no idea that within a very short time, that would be exactly what would happen. All this time later, I find myself looking back at that desert experience, my time of temptation when it would have been easy to give up --- and to look ahead at the Easter garden that surrounds me now.

I don't want to bring the desert into the garden ... and yet I have to do so. It is because of the wilderness/desert experience that I can appreciate more fully the lush green pastures and beautiful flowers of the garden of today. I have to bring a piece of the desert with me, to remind me of how far I've come, and what I may have yet to face again. I do not know when the garden may wither. I do not know when I will find myself in the wilderness yet again. I do know that whatever happens, my hope and my security is because of the passion, death and resurrection of Christ.

I know that there is nothing in this world that is greater than the love of God, love so powerful that it can correct even the greatest injustice and bring life from death. Fr. E (one of our priests) said these words this morning: "In Easter, life is proclaimed where death is expected."

The women went to the tomb expecting to anoint a cold, dead body. What they found was a messenger proclaiming the triumph of life and an empty tomb. Their world was once again turned upside down in just a matter of hours; only this time, their hearts were full of joy and wonder instead of grief and darkness. There was no question in their minds -- he had risen, just as he promised.

As Easter people, we can be no less joyous. We must proclaim life boldly where death is expected or even embraced.

Surrexit Christus, alleluia! Cantate Domino, alleluia!