Fill In The Blank Friday, 11/25/11

Happy Black Friday!

Today just so happens to be the craziest shopping day of the year. But, hopefully in the midst of it all you'll take a moment to fill in some blanks...it's always more fun when you play along :).

1. Waking up at the break of dawn to go shopping is my idea of pure insanity. There is no deal out there worth all the hassle. Repeat. Believe .

2. If I were to go shopping today I would be on the hunt for a new Advent wreath. I have the typical round brass circle with openings for tapers. I get the whole "eternal circle" thing but frankly it doesn't work for me. So I'm on the lookout for something new and neat. I tried just pillars on a tray, and then tealights as well, but it's not cutting it for me .

3. The best thing I ate yesterday was my parents' dressing. It is DRESSING, not STUFFING, although in the interest of time, they do use stuffing mix in theirs. But it is worth every moment of indulgence to eat it a couple of times a year. Let me put it this way ... a few years ago, I was having a rough time at the job I was in at the time. Just to make me feel better about things, my mama made me turkey breast and dressing one weekend. THAT was love .

4. Something I've been learning lately is I need to trust that the Universe is unfolding exactly as it is supposed to, and that I have to trust the entire process, not just the infinitesimal sliver of it that I see .

5. I cannot start my day without breakfast. This week, I even ate at o-dark-thirty before taking off for the gym. Worked just as well as fixing breakfast once I got to work .... but breakfast is a must, no ifs ands or buts .

6. My nighttime attire consists of like once I get home, or time for beddy-bye? If it's the former, I immediately change into jeans (top stays the same, usually). For sleeping, PJ or yoga pants and a tee .

7. I am looking forward to going back to the ice rink this weekend, this time with my godchildren. I had SO much fun today! .

Lessons from the Rink

Today, I went ice-skating for the first time in almost 27 years. The last time I went was January 1985, at the Eastland Mall in Charlotte NC (back when it wasn't such a scary place, from what I hear). In the lowest level of the mall was an ice rink. My cousin went a good bit, but it was our first time ever. My brother made one trip around, and came back to our relative and said, "Mary, thank you for paying for me to skate, but I think I'll stay over here with you." As for me, I was younger but heavier than I am now, and also way more fearful. I'm not sure why - usually, youth is full of reckless abandon, but I was a way more calculating soul back then. Guess I'm like Benjamin Button, born old and getting younger with each year......

I made my way around that day, very haltingly and unsure. My cousin glided by fairly easily. There was a young girl there that day who was in the center of the rink and she was probably in competitive skating -- she was that good. Great, even more reason for me to not even be out there, because I was a total flop. Epic fail. I stayed on the ice just putzing around, and then we were ready to go. I was never so glad to pull skates off in my life. Roller skating - totally different. Not that I was any more athletic on concrete or wood compared to ice, but I had four wheels under my feet instead of a blade in the center.

Since then, as most of you know, things are a bit different in my life. And today was the opening for a new venture in downtown Greenville: a seasonal ice-skating rink! We have a year-round rink on the eastside of Greenville at one of the county rec facilities, but I have never gone there to skate. In downtown, just next to City Hall and in front of the Courtyard by Marriott, they have constructed "UBS Ice on Main" running from today until January 8.

I knew about the rink, but I didn't think much about it until something struck me while watching TV this morning. And it hit me: GO SKATING! I was planning to get in a workout anyway today, and as much as I enjoy my gym, I thought this might be a good way to burn off some of the feasting from yesterday. (Lesson One: shake things up!)

So I drove over, parked in the garage and walked about a block to the rink. Paid the fee (which included skate rental) and after lacing up the skates proceeded to go to the rink. I stood there for a couple of minutes because DUH... I had laced up on the steps near the entrance and would have to walk on the blades across brickwork. Doofus me. After a few seconds, this nice gentleman who works there said, "Ma'am, I'll help you to the rubber mats." Once I got to the mats, next to the rink, things were much easier! (So Lesson Two: know your surroundings).

I got out on the ice and things were already better than there were in 1985. One, I'm older and no longer care whether or not I look stupid out there. And two, I have better balance and stronger legs than I did then. So right away, +2 in my favor! The first lap around was wobbly, but then I began to do much better. And then better, and better. I got more confident, and while I wasn't doing stunts, I wasn't always hanging on to the sides of the rink either. I learned to maneuver around those who were standing still. (Lesson Three: Crawl, then walk, then....)

Now, at one point, we all had to get off the ice. It had gotten very grooved, with plenty of shaved ice especially along the outer edges. So we all took a break while they cleared the shaved ice and brought out the Zamboni. It gave us all a chance to tighten our laces, check our skates, and just be patient while the rink went through some needed repairs (Lesson Four: Take time for repairs now to save trouble later).

So with ice restored, I got back out there.... WOW! Much better! Smoother surface, easier gliding, and things were going good. I got to Turn Four (so to speak) and ..... I ended up on my left leg, knee down, and circling. I did a full 360 on my left knee. Well, what else could I do at that point except throw my arms up in a Victory formation and go, "Tada!!" Wipeout #1! (Lesson Five: Pride goeth before a fall. Literally, in this case!)

While out on the ice, I felt like my skates just weren't quite right. They were a smidge too big. Unfortunately, they don't have half-sizes at the skate rental shack, so I had to go down a whole size. And re-establish myself on the ice .... learn to rebalance, regroup and get going again! And so I did ... not sure that the shoe change made that much of a difference but sometimes a perceived advantage is all it takes. (Lesson Six: Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!)

After about another 20 minutes, my feet were starting to ache just a little. So I figured one more trip around, and then that would be it. And so it was. But I wasn't ready to leave downtown just yet. So I figured why not walk the few blocks up to the Hyatt (the start of the downtown revitalization area all those years back), and walk my way back down to the garage. It had been quite some time since I'd really walked downtown Greenville, and I couldn't believe how many new things had opened in just a few months. Amazing!

After a couple of stops (Barkery Bistro and Mast General Store), it was definitely time for me to head out..... but I can't wait to go back to the rink! Planning to take my godkids this weekend, and have some more fun! If you are in Upstate SC and are looking for something fun to do, check them out online for the times and additional information. You won't be sorry!

State of the Me Address

It has been an interesting few weeks for me...... yeah, let's just say "interesting." I wrote in September about having a few days off. I ended up taking an extra day, very unplanned, due to a medical emergency.

On my last planned day off, I was at a meeting of our lymphedema support group. We had a special guest speaker, and as I was listening to her talk, I suddenly felt very queasy and then this overriding sensation that I was dizzy and needed to get some fresh air. My body and brain were not in communication with each other all that well, and swoooooooooon down I went. Short story: there was no medical reason I should have fainted. So they asked me to follow up with my primary care doc -- and as luck would have it, I had an appointment with her the next week. We were due to go over some labwork that I'd had done the week before.

My doctor, to her credit, said, "Labwork, yeah yeah. What's the deal with you fainting?" We went over the labwork which did show a couple of areas of concern -- but she did not want to start me on any medication until they had ruled out a cardiac issue. She set up a referral for me to a cardiologist. Words I never thought I'd utter: "Hi, my name is Nettiemac, I am 42, and I have a cardiologist."

So a couple of weeks later (end of October), I found myself in a cardiologist's office, being hooked up for an EKG. And afterwards, they sent me to another area, where I was immediately fitted with a holter monitor, which I wore dutifully for 24 hours. I go in this week for an echocardiogram, and then we'll go from there.

THEN, a week after that, I was sitting in my office at mid-morning when I felt this pain in my stomach -- the kind that you feel during a bout of food poisoning. Hey, having gone through that just once in my life, believe me, I never want to go through it again. Four hours later, I was driving myself home, sick as could be. I collapsed onto the bed and did not move again for four-and-a-half hours. I swear, I think I stayed in the same position that entire time. I woke up the next morning fully expecting to be okay enough to go into work. But other plans were afoot: I didn't even have the energy to stand long enough to make breakfast. Oh yeah. I was going nowhere but back to sleep. By the evening, I felt well enough to plan to go in the next day. So I am guessing it was some sort of 24-hour stomach bug. But UGH UGH UGH!!!

Health issues aside, there have been some changes at work too. Plans are for our sister company to move under the same roof as us, and so there has been some restructuring and reorganization of duties. So come January 1, I will be the main point-of-contact for payroll and a few other HR/accounting related reports. And we have a new HR generalist to handle the heavier-duty HR responsibilities. I met her this week (first week) and so far, so very good.

The only downside is that my plans for NaNoWriMo 2011 are out the window. Who has time? I can't even hope to make it up over Thanksgiving weekend!

All in all, it's a good life, and I have so much to be thankful for -- a doctor that is looking out for my health, good friends who love me, a great job, and much much more!!

Fill In the Blank Friday

Happy Friday!
Let's fill in some blanks!

1. My favorite thing about this week was/is having dinner with my godson .... my sweet little "birthday buddy" is growing up so fast .

2. Colder weather makes me cold but strangely energized ... at least until we hit full-on winter! (Then, it makes me want to hibernate!) .

3. Three things that make me terribly happy as of late are my godchildren, my dog, and the NaNoWriMo project I'm doing .

4. If I could only wear one kind of shoe for the rest of my life, I'd choose leather clogs/mules. Comfy, dressy, casual, love

5. My personality type is INFP. I used to rebel at the thought of being an "introvert" until I realized that it's not so much a statement on how social I am, as to how I get my energy. Solitude renews and energizes me, so yeah.... introvert .

6. I have a serious problem resisting two things: mindless eating when really stressed, and the kitchen section of department stores. You laugh, I'm not. I am POWERLESS over those lovely shiny tools and appliances .

7. My favorite color to wear is every color except orange and yellow - everything else is fair game. And fabric? Denim. I'd wear it every day if I could! (Oh wait, once I get home, I do!) .

Fill in the Blank Friday, 10/20

1. Nothing says fall like apples, pumpkins, crisp air, firepits crackling on decks everywhere or big bonfires on beaches, cider, football.......
2. My favorite autumnal tradition is I don't really have one, other than football, football, football.....
3. My favorite fall treat is apple butter (making some more this weekend), and Russian Tea (a mix of Tang, instant tea, and spices).
4. Fall makes me think of everything good in life. I am a fall girl, all the way; always have been, always will be..
5. Autumn free form word association, go! birthday, leaves, football, spice, warm fuzzies.
6. My go-to outfit in the fall is jeans and a sweater. Or jeans and a hoodie. Or jeans and...... (I'm also a jeans girl).
7. My favorite fall holiday is (Halloween or Thanksgiving) Halloween!!!! I love dressing in costume (usually). I suppose on one level, I like that for one day I can be someone else.... but I love T-day too!

Silence & Solitude...

I'm in the middle of some planned time off, and it's been nice to run at about 70% for a change! Today, I had a couple of planned appointments, and I ended up running early for one of them, so I had some extra time to spare. I had about 45 minutes to spare for my afternoon appointment, and saw a sign that I had to follow.

My appointment was in the town where I worked for nearly 10 years, and I had seen this sign ("Wildlife Viewing Area") and always thought, "Yeah, right!" derisively. But today, I decided to check it out. Well, I have to admit, it wasn't to view wildlife. Mostly, I wanted a quiet place to do some writing. I've felt the need to do some introspection and writing lately, and I've needed to find the right space for it. Right now, as I type this, I'm watching football and hearing the clickety-clack of my keyboard.... which is fine. But for trying to find and best express what is in my heart and soul, then good old fashioned ink and paper was the only thing that would do.

So I made the turn and was greeted by suburbia... nice little houses with manicured lawns and pretty shrubs and fall flowers. Not exactly "wildlife" is it? But I drove on and suddenly, I was on a twisty little mountain drive. There, I saw the Department of Natural Resources sign announcing where I was, and yes, indeedy, it's a nature preserve, right there about a half-mile from nice ranch houses. Not at all what I was expecting.

I rolled down the car window to do some writing and get some fresh air ... and I heard it. I have no idea what kind of birds these were, but they had a distinctive call, and they were just beautiful in their gliding. They were enormous, compared to your average swallow (African and European, combined!), but next to a condor, probably not so big. But it was amazing to just sit and watch them for a while.

Then it appeared. From out of the woods came a butterfly -- not a particularly showy one, rather plain grey-black with a little blue coloring on the tips of the wings. But it landed right on the hood of my car, almost looking at me, and then it turned around to show me its wings. And it flitted for a second and came back. I was speechless. I was in complete awe.

I thought of the quote by Nathaniel Hawthorne: "Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." Which is exactly what I needed to hear, even if just in my heart. And butterflies, as a symbol, often come up in my life. For those of us who live with lymphedema, the butterfly is our symbol to remind us that the therapist's touch should be as light to us as that of a butterfly, and that new life always emerges. And I have often thought of my own journey of change throughout my life -- in many different areas -- as that of the caterpillar to butterfly. Since butterflies have extra meaning for me, I wondered what this could have meant..... and then I thought, "Stop. Just stop analyzing and enjoy the wonder."

I didn't write a thing. Too awed by the few minutes I spent in solitude, with no noise and no need to do anything except BE THERE.

If you ever wondered why...

For most of the days of the week, I set my Facebook status each morning with a positive quote, or at least food for thought. Why? Because I need to..........

I need to remember the beauty in life, especially when I feel saddened by the state of the world.

I need to remember that everything really does work together for good, especially when I see things that make no sense in a fair and just place.

I need to remember that there is a higher purpose and a better way to live, especially when I get bogged down in the minutiae of things that really don't matter in the long run.

I need to remember that most people really are good at heart, especially when it seems that so much attention is focused on the ones whose hearts are not in good places.

I need to remember that I need to live my life by higher thoughts, higher principles, especially when I fall so far short of those lofty standards.

I need to remember, and I need to act. I need to aspire, and I need to strive.

Do I succeed each day? Yes, as often as I fail in the same goals.

Every single day is a do-over, every moment a chance to reclaim the good and to eschew the bad. It is a chance to try harder and forgive ourselves - and others - for our shortcomings. It is a calling to go higher, dream bigger, work harder, and to reach farther. And this is why I post those inspirational thoughts -- because I need to remember.

Fill In The Blank Friday

1. The best thing I did all week was get things together to do my Godspell scrapbook, and THIS TIME, by God, I'm actually going to finish a scrapbook!!

2. Blue jeans make me super happy.

3. Pets are adorable - I love my furbaby so much!

4. My optimism is the best thing about my life. Okay, really, everything about my life is pretty doggone nice. I shouldn't complain at all ... the annoyances are just that.

5. With the cooler weather I am looking forward to nights on the back deck, firepit blazing and coffee brewing. My brother's deep philosophizing and talk of (and watching of) football. GOD ALMIGHTY, DO I LOVE FALL!!!!

6. Something that's on my "wish list" right now is for someone at the insurance company to take great pity upon me and say, "Yes, my dear, I think we can find a way to cover your skin removal surgery. It isn't just a cosmetic thing..." *or* "What do you know, all the numbers match and you have the Powerball. Congratulations!" :D

7. This weekend I am going to work tomorrow morning, go to a meeting tomorrow night, and HOPEFULLY catch up with my Godspell peeps at some point (I miss them terribly, already!) .... and just be good to myself, as much as possible. OH, and make a big pot of veggie soup for Sunday lunch.... mmm, homemade crockpot soup!

Fill In The Blank Friday

1. One thing that is completely superfluous, but that I could never give up is buying books. I know, I know - that's what libraries are for, and I do love browsing the library, but there's something about owning a book forever and forever and going back to revisit it like an old friend.

2. Dating makes me feel awkward.

3. I can't go a day without music. I tried it once, it was NOT pretty.

4. Popcorn.... no, apples..... no, ice cream.... is my favorite snack. (Never met a snack I didn't like!)

5. Lately I've been way more irritable than I want to be .

6. If at first you don't succeed find a way to make it work .

7. Fall is the most wonderful time of the year! .

Fill In the Blank Friday

1. One of life's most simple pleasures is time alone .

2. People who pull out suddenly ... and then go 25 MPH makes me want to punch someone.

3. I like the smell in the air as it is raining because, I have no idea why, but I do like it .

4. Barnacle is a funny word.

5. If I had to choose one beauty product to use for the rest of eternity it would be the little cucumber-scented facial cleansing wipes that I use ..... love 'em!

6. I'm happy that some of the things I wished for most didn't come to fruition, because I'm pretty happy with the way my life is now :) .

7. I would never get a tattoo, not because I think they're tacky or anything like that. I have a medical condition which makes tats very risky for me (slower healing process). So no ink .... which is fine because I'm not a needle person anyway!

It's a Good Kind of Tired

I am tired, but it's a good kind of tired. There's the kind of tired where you're physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually tired -- and you are just exhausted in every way, and that's usually when everyone wants more out of you than you can possibly give. I've been there more often than I care to admit, and it is the most horrid kind of tired.

Then there's the tired that comes from knowing you've done a lot, done the best you could, given it everything you had and a little more, and you walk away feeling good, maybe even a little energized. Lately, that's been more my kind of tired.....

And I think for me, it comes from getting back to a lost love: acting. Performing on stage just for the pure joy of it. Right now, my calves are killing me from the dance rehearsals, my swiss-cheese brain has gotten a few more holes from trying to remember which move or which line comes next .... but I'm coming home from rehearsals feeling pretty dang good. I've been blessed to never have stage fright or any fear of being out in the spotlight in front of people. No qualms at all, no fear. There's something freeing about being on stage, something wonderful about transforming yourself into a character and being that person for a while.

So this morning, I'm two cups of coffee in. I have a full plate waiting on me at the office, I have choir practice tonight, and I will have to pack a gym bag and a lunch when I get home so that I'm ready to hit the door tomorrow morning to get in a workout. And when I get home tomorrow night around 10, I'll still be able to look back and say, "Oh yeah, it was a good day!"

In college, I felt the same way on days when we had awesome service projects, like cleaning the homeless shelter or doing National Service Day cleanups. The kind of day where you looked back and said, "WOW! I did all that? Huh, funny I don't 'feel' it....."

It's tired without being soul-tired. The best kind of tired there is.

Fill In the Blank Friday

1. My idea of pure perfection would be sitting on the back deck of my beach house, overlooking the waves with a soft breeze going through my hair, eyes closed and just drinking in the environment.

2. Laughter is as essential to life as air and water.

3. If it weren't for work and bills I'd pursue a full-time career in health/wellness/fitness.

4. Bloggers are people who understand that the written word is still important, and the power that words have to change the world.

5. If I had a winning Powerball ticket I'd buy you a motorhome and a gas card where the bill comes to me, so that you can enjoy your golden years in style -- love you, Mom & Dad!

6. I'm glad it's Friday because I will have my massage tonight and simply revel in being pampered.

7. Something I'm excited about is our production of Godspell -- it's going to be magnificent!

Completely unfair....

A few weeks ago, a friend in Oregon told me about a couple of Facebook groups for two children in their area who were both battling cancer. I signed aboard to be their friends and to keep up with their progress.

Those who know me are quite aware of how much I detest cancer. It has taken way too many people I knew and loved. When I was a child, I knew people who had cancer, but it didn't seem to be quite so prevalent. I daresay it would be quite difficult to find anyone today who hasn't been affected by cancer, whether personally, in their families or circle of friends, or from someone else they know.

And sadly, it strikes regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, or any other factor. It strikes without fear or mercy. It cares not what your station in life is, what your hopes and plans for the future may be. It does not care. Period.

It hit two beautiful children, separated by an entire continent from me, but my heart and prayers went out to them from afar. Both their cancers were in advanced stages, but I could always hope and pray for a miracle, right?

Then I learned of two other children, close friends of my friend, also battling cancer (in one case) and a heart condition (in another). Cancer and heart condition -- aren't those diseases of the elderly or at least something that no child should think about? But sure enough, there they were.

My parish has a beautiful tradition: a prayer book out front in which to write the names of those who have asked for our prayers. Then as the gifts are brought forward at the offertory, the book is brought forward as well, and placed on the altar as well. So our prayers are placed there in a very visual manner before God. Four new names went into the prayer book: Ethan, Faith, Keilah, Tyler .... in addition to the other names I regularly place in there and any special needs as well.

Earlier this week, Ethan lost his battle to cancer at age 9. His parents are establishing a foundation in his memory to help other children battling cancer with toys or other things to help them weather the long hospital stays -- to bring some momentary relief and reminders that they are children, kids who just want to be kids.

And yesterday, news broke that Faith's cancer is ever-worsening, and that hospice has been called in. Today, her mother posted that they had "the conversation" with her .... the one where they have told her that their options have run out, and the time she has left is what she has.

There is so much about this that is completely unfair..... two children dealing with things that no child should even have to think about or worry over. Two lives shortened unnecessarily. Two sets of parents and siblings left to grieve, to mourn what might have been, to rejoice in what was, to always have people go "oh, yeah... they lost a child." Their fraternity is one that no one wants to join: parents who have buried a child. And it doesn't matter whether that child was 8, 28, 48 -- all way too soon for their parents' liking.

But the one nice thing I read from both set of parents is a good strong faith that somehow, none of this has been entirely in vain..... that their children are/will be waiting for them in the great beyond, that their pain has ceased, their health and wholeness restored, and that there is something good that can come from all this pain and suffering. If nothing else, it has made people around the nation and around the world take a few moments and think of someone else, to not be so self-absorbed.

And to end on good news, Miss Keilah, the young girl from the East Coast, seems to be responding well to her first treatments. Her prognosis is good right now. Haven't heard an update on young Tyler, but I am hoping the news will be just as good for him.

Let's hope our prayers give them a chance to be kids just a little longer -- and on into a long, happy life!

Strolls Down Memory Lane

It seems as if the Hoover Dam broke and unleashed upon Facebook a whole slew of "You Know You're From (Wherever) When......" We don't have that one but we do have "Do You Remember At Hometown High...." and posting tons of high school memories. I'm always of two minds about high school days. I enjoy when I get to meet up with classmates or share some memories..... but at the time, high school wasn't the most pleasant of experiences.

High school was one of those times of my life that I'd never want to repeat. Living through it once was more than enough. College? Completely different story. And yet I enjoy seeing my high school classmates out and about. We did a meet-and-eat earlier this summer, and it was a blast. But back in the day, it was a different story.

I couldn't wait to get out of my hometown. Once I was gone, I tried to distance myself from the people, places, etc. of those first 17 years. Angry? Perhaps. Coming home was never even a consideration. But so it happened. I still kept a distance. I needed that wall, that angry-young-girl facade. I suppose you could say I felt so ashamed of coming home on my shield instead of carrying it. Weird wounded pride.

It has only been in the last few years, as I have become more at ease with myself and my place in the world, have I begun to attempt to make peace with having grown up here, and my HS days. We were all silly and immature, and as I see it, we've all gotten so much better. The distancing came with a price: I'll never be as close to my hometown friends as I am to the ones from college and my adult life. They are the people who really watched me come into my own, and who have been there for me in my very darkest hours. But there's also a joy in knowing people who will not look at you funny when you mention certain people, places, events. If you're from here and from a certain era, "The Fooder" will bring instant recall, as would Mrs. O'Dell or "the 100 Building." It's a good thing.

Sometimes, remembering isn't such a bad thing after all......

Amy Winehouse, Norway, and a messed-up world

So I'm sitting here at lunch and I see a Facebook post about Amy Winehouse being found dead. I shouldn't be surprised but at the same time, yes, I was. You hope that people get their stuff together and have happy lives, but some people just can't. I cannot imagine what kind of pain she must have felt in life that it was bad enough for her to digest the level of substances she did, but also as often. I spent a few minutes pondering why some people have tremendous amounts of pain in their lives -- from abusive homes to childhood traumas or horrid disabilities, anything that is out of the norm -- and have little trouble making their way through life, and usually with the best attitude ever. And other people can have such difficulty coping with things that most of us would either shrug off or eventually just get over...... Some people are like the Black Knight: chop off their arms and to them, just a flesh wound. Others, you can show them a safety pin at 30 paces, and they are stabbed in the heart for life. There's sensitive and then there's "really, child, toughen up!" just as much as there is "you went through all that, and you're okay? really? Wow."

Then I had another friend post an opinion about the horrific tragedy in Norway, for which there just are no words. Her thought was on what sort of odd combination of environment and genetics could possibly produce a killer like that..... and there are no answers. Here's someone who felt such deep emotion about something that this was his answer to his personal pain..... it is a massively (blank)ed-up answer to 99.99999% of the rest of the world, but his mind would not see that.

Violence.... one full of rage and took it out on 100 people who had no connection to his pain at all. One full of self-hatred and took it out on herself. Both deprived the world of something. Who knows if Amy Winehouse's talent could have blossomed and given us all lots more to enjoy in her music? Who knows what those 100 people in Norway (especially the teens) could have gone on to do and be? We mourn most what might have been...... in both instances.

And sadly, this week, a part of my childhood has gone away too..... No new program for NASA. The space shuttle program has, after 30 years, ended, with nothing substantial to replace it. NASA was something cool from my childhood -- being an astronaut? YEAH! Even as a girl, it would have been super cool! I remember watching launches on the evening news, and we all held our breaths when the very first shuttle went up and came home. I can tell you exactly where I was when I heard the news of the Challenger explosion .... and my teacher's reaction has never been forgotten in 25 years. (Wow. 25 years? Seriously? Oh geeez......) In fact, we used the whole Challenger explosion and investigation as a case study in my Public Administration class. And now it seems that we have other fish to fry. Too many different things wanting a piece of the pie, and oh well, this quaint relic from another time, well..... sorry NASA. You're expendable.

Really? How many of the technological advances that we enjoy today had a genesis or a further development from the space program? What if all that had never happened? Damn those Commies for capitulating .... they took our competitive drive away. (/sarcasm) The one remnant of the Space Race Age that I'll hang onto are some great pieces of ambient music..... or music steeped in remembrance of such a time (e.g., Donald Fagen's glorious The Nightfly, and especially "New Frontier").

****

Guess today, I haz a sad. All over.

Fill in the Blank Friday (7/22/11)

1. One of my happiest moments ever was This one will sound really strange, but the day I quit a job that just didn't work for me anymore. Things had happened that made my work go from good-crazy to horrific-insane. What I realized I was grown-up and it was time I took my life back into my hands. Made my decision to quit and slept like the dead that night.

2. Summer is wedding season and weddings are usually, very beautiful events.....

3. This summer (to quote Robin Williams as Adrian Cronauer channeling Walter Cronkite) has been hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.

4. My summer food of choice has been blueberries and grape tomatoes. Not together mind you, but yeah.....

5. My summer uniform has been more or less my regular clothes...... slacks of some sort, short-sleeved top of some sort, and shoes. It's hotter than Hades outside, freezing cold inside.... so trying to hit the middle.

6. If I could spend the entire summer in one location I would choose wherever the sand is white, the water is blue, and the men don't speak much English

7. My summer anthem is the entire "Bat out of Hell" album...... it just reminds me of some really good summers in my life.

Something fun for me!

I did something last week that I haven't done in forever: audition for a theatre production.

Good news: I AM IN THE CAST!

Better news: It's Godspell!!!

I love this musical. Last year, I got the bright idea to finally download the soundtrack from iTunes and am SO very glad I did. Not sure why but I decided I had to have it and by golly... I had joked with a friend from choir who is involved with local theatre that they needed to do this. So by this spring, it became, "Hey guess what? We are trying to get the rights for Godspell. You will HAVE to audition."

They did. And I did. I wasn't sure I could. Right now, I'm on a campaign to be gentler with myself. But by the same token, I'm badly in need of some stress relief. So between treating myself to a monthly massage and trying to get better quality sleep, I also figured it couldn't hurt to do something fun for myself, something I hadn't done since God was a boy.

By the time I get on stage, it will be just short of 21 and a half years since my last time in a production. It will not be 21 years to my next one (at least I hope!). Even in just a few days, I am finding myself really enjoying it. Maybe one audition each year? We'll see........

And while I am not doing "Turn Back Oh Man" (my very favorite tune from the show), I am doing "By Your Side" (my 2nd favorite song). And a small solo in "Light of the World" ... you know, there's not a bad song in the bunch. :)

See ya in lights!

Fill in the Blank Friday

Shamelessly stolen from Amanda

1. I am a (morning, evening, middle of the day person)

I am a evening person. Not a night owl, mind you (those days are LONG gone), but I do really good between 5-10 PM.

2. My favorite Pandora stations are

my own "blender" and jazz classics.

3. 3 of my "must-have" songs for a road trip playlist are

See, I can't answer this: it will all depend on what mood I'm in, where I'm going, who's going with me or am I going solo, etc. If i'm solo, it's all good and up for grabs. I will say this: it's not particular songs, it's which CD's, in which order, etc.

4. My favorite pattern is

I don't have a favorite but I can tell you stripes in any direction other than vertical do not work for me. It's just me.

5. My favorite perfume is

Anais Anais. Love it and have since 1986.

6. Rules are

Yep. They are. No, really, I love structure to a point, but there are times some rules just stink. And are worth breaking. And worth the punishment. Others, not so much.

7. My most overused phrase or punctuation is

Exclamation points- because I'm just really generally excited about everything! And the (...) because I'm lazy with grammar and it's easier to write in the way I think and hope people just follow along. (Dang, Amanda, me too -- so I stole your answer too!!!)

Your turn......

Love at First Listen

It was 21 years ago that I first discovered bossa nova -- okay, bossa nova music other than "The Girl from Ipanema" -- thanks to my exchange brother. Marcio was from Sao Paulo, Brazil. To help him have a little bit of home while he was in the States, his father had made a not-quite-mix-tape for him. One side was all bossa nova (mostly Gilberto/Jobim) and the other was samba. Samba was great, but bossa nova.... ah! I fell in love. (Of course, every time I hear "Ipanema" I can't help but see John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd in my mind's eyes....)

I actually fell in love when he left the tape behind. Somehow the tape ended up in my portable case. I think my parents thought it was mine and when I returned to school, in it went. One night, as I was nursing a hellacious migraine, I needed just some soft music as I attempted to fall asleep. I'm odd in that sound doesn't bother my headache, as long as it's low and not annoying; think "quiet storm" type of music. Light - oh God, the darker the better during a headache. Anyway, I hit play on my huge ol' boombox and out poured beautiful rhythms of the Brazilian coast. Ipanema made its way to Charleston that night and it's been a happy marriage ever since.

I can't describe why I like it. The music has an energy that I can't describe. It is not the frenetic energy of the samba or other Latin rhythms. It is more like a mambo than anything else but still, not quite. There's an easy flow, a soothing sweetness, an undercurrent of sensuality, and something about hearing music sung in Brazilian Portugese.... mm.

For about 15 of the last 21 years, I got my fix from that little tape until..... yes, you know it's coming.... yes, my Ford Escort's tape deck ate it. I mean, had it for lunch with a second helping and extra dessert. I cried. Yes. I did. Big ol' salty tears. I have searched in vain since then for the exact album that Mr. Guilherme lovingly prepared for his son, but to no avail. The closest I have found is Herbie Mann's album with Getz and Gilberto and Jobim, but even that isn't exact. And no luck at all in finding the samba music; I never knew the artist.

So the other day I had stopped in Starbucks -- which is an event that happens along the same cycle as the Ice Age. I'm just not a Starbucks person, at least not on a regular basis. But I had a gift card left over from my birthday, and I'd used it ... maybe 3 times since October? And mostly for the regular coffee and gum. Yeah, big spender. Anyway, I saw it and HAD to have it. I mean, HAD to: a compilation CD, called "In A Bossa Nova Mood." Quicker than a jackrabbit on a first date, I grabbed it, and ended up paying a whopping 16c over what my card had left. Yeah bay-bay!!!!

Had it in my CD player(s) for three days straight now. Wishing I were in Ipanema ........ Completely wonderful!

My America

My earliest known ancestor came to these shores in the 1600s, settling in Virginia. I had other ancestors who came -- some to Pennsylvania, some to South Carolina, some to Maryland, most to Virginia. And south they went, along the Wagon Trail toward Texas. They stopped. Some of theirs went on, and so I have distant relatives who share some of those family names all over the country, if not the world. But mine stopped here. I can drive to any number of cemeteries within a 75-mile radius and find ancestors and other relatives (their siblings or descendants).

My last immigrant ancestor -- at least of which I am aware -- probably arrived sometime around 1820 or so from Ireland. Her grave, within 5 miles of my home, simply states born in Ireland in 1801 and died here in 1870 (if I recall). That's it. Nothing else. I have no idea where in Ireland she came from, how she came, why she came, anything. I often wonder if she bought a ticket, if she stowed away, if she came through New York, Baltimore, Charleston, Philly, or where?

At least as far as I have found, they all came from elsewhere. I keep hoping for some Native ancestry to mix in with the very Anglo-Scots-Irish mix that spawned my particular family -- not even a smidgen of German mixed in, surprising given the number of German immigrants to our area. They all came for a reason. Whether for land, marriage, a better opportunity or just freedom, they all came to the Eastern shores of the US.

And my life is forever better because of that choice.