Helplessly hoping

As far as my earlier decision in the week, I will know more this week. What the thing revolves around is either keeping my current job but drastically changing my hours (starting three hours earlier) -- or switching to a different position in the same department (other side of the accounting fence). My heart is breaking .... I love what I do. It's something I know I'm good at, and I have grown to enjoy the interaction very much. The other stuff, I am very hesitant about, but the hours would remain the same.

My body has never been a morning person. I get up at 5:40 on gym mornings but I force myself to. I rationalize it with "it's only 3 times a week" -- and it works sometimes. But I am hardwired for afternoons and evenings. I have been since I was a child. I was the only one of my peers in second grade who stayed up past 10 regularly. But even in kindergarten (when I went to bed comparatively early), my mother had to drag me out of bed each day. For years and years on end, I have not been able to go to bed before 11:00. If I ever do, there's a good reason: migraine or other illness, or else I had poor sleep the night before and so....

So I face a tough decision: obey my own body or betray it for work I love. I am still not sure how it will all pan out. I'll keep ya posted.

Tricks and treats

I was looking forward to a nice quiet normal Saturday. I had a hair appointment, and a birthday party to attend this afternoon, and other than that, nothing much. Just a perfectly normal, quiet Saturday.

Mother Teresa said, "If you want God to laugh, tell him your plans."

I wanted to get on the PC this morning around 10:00 AM. Turned it on, and the monitor came on, but no picture. Crap. That can mean one of two things: the monitor is shot, or the video card is. I'm bitching about both. It hits me that it's most likely the video card, which is a semi-blessing -- only about $100 compared to the $200 for a monitor. But by now, it's about 10:30 AM. I have a hair appointment in less than 2 hours. Decisions, decisions.

I had been planning to kind of spend a little time this morning at Earshot, a locally-owned CD store. Having to stop at a nearby office supply store to scout a new video card or monitor purchase would put a serious crimp in those plans. Time's a-wasting: Big Box to the rescue.

Now I'm all for saving money, but I really try hard to support Earshot and/or Horizon Records. They're both locally-owned and fabulous. Yeah, I'm going to pay a little more in there. But considering we nearly lost Earshot a few years back, I'm going to take as many opportunities as I can to buy from them to keep the business going. But time was of the essence..... so off to Big Box I go. There I can buy a video card and look for the CD's I wanted.

I found a video card. I bought four CD's (let's just call it retail therapy): a Donna Summer compilation, Faith by George Michael (because I wore out a cassette of it in college and wanted to relive it), Best of Bob Dylan (from 2000) and Modern Times also by Dylan. I came oh-this-so-terribly-close to getting The Essential Bob Dylan but the Best of compilation only lacked two songs I really wanted. So I also bought a download card to get those particular songs. (And am currently working on using up that tiny card VERY quickly on a whole bunch of other songs too). Yes, I saved probably about $20 buying them at Big Box. But honestly, I felt very bad -- so my next few purchases of music will be at Earshot or Horizon. Asperge me, Dominus.

Anyway, off to get my hair done. I'm going to have about enough time between hairdo and party to eat a quick lunch. And I do. And I manage to check the PC again. Still no dice. I open up the PC and see the video card and proceed to change it out. It's not coming out. I am freaking at this point, but it's time for the party.

I go to my cousin's house -- and what a great time! The party was for her little girl (Happy First, Maggie!!), but I was reveling in all the compliments on my appearance. I hadn't seen my cousin in about 6 months and she was floored -- as was everyone else. Her dad and my dad are brothers, but I've also known members of her mom's family off and on through the years, and her husband's family has always welcomed me with open arms. It's a crazy kudzu mess, but that's a Southern family (extended and so forth) for you.

We came back from the party, and I got my dad to help with the video card project. We were FINALLY able to extricate the card .... and my new one doesn't match anything remotely like this one. Same manufacturer, same model, but my current one is a 128mb and this new one is 256mb. Okay, but it doesn't fit ANY of the slots. What the hell am I supposed to do now? So I decided to pack the new one back up, take it back to Big Box tomorrow, and with a huge sigh, put the old one back in. For the pure sheer torture of it, I turn the PC on.....

Fan-fricking-tastic hallelujah. It works. I don't know what I did, but it's working. So I'm typing to you now, and enjoying downloading songs from this site. I can already tell I am going to be in some serious trouble. Serious. Serious. I may need to visit Big Box again and pick up another card.

Music: a harsh mistress and not a cheap one either. But I was seduced too many years ago to leave now!

Praise the Lord, I can crawl!

I'm not paralyzed by indecision anymore. I'm not fully ambulatory yet, but we're getting there. Decisions are usually overwhelming because I'm considering every option possible. Sometimes too much thought is a bad thing. I've overthought, overanalyzed, and generally beat a dead horse better than anyone.

I'll let y'all know how things go over the next couple of weeks as things progress and we see just how it will really all play out.

In the meantime, thanks for any good thoughts you may have sent my way.

Paralysis of indecision

I suffer from this problem.

I don't know about the rest of you, but when it's time to make a serious decision, I am absolutely paralyzed. I find it very difficult to come to the best decision and stick with it. I can make all the pro/con lists possible; I can analyze the thing to death; I can (and do) pray for guidance until I have assaulted heaven with a never-ending barrage of pleadings. And as decision time approaches, I remain completely baffled over what to do.

I'm going through it right now. I have a decision to reach later this week and I have all the tools ready and no clue what to do. None at all.

Not one of my favorite states of being or emotions. But I gotta plow through it.

Very hard to believe.

Today has been one year since my friend Tee died. It is still hard to believe.

I wore a pink rubber bracelet for the longest time. I haven't in a while, and I need to start again; I am ashamed that I fell out of the habit. I bought a few things from The Breast Cancer Site. I need to do more. I click on it daily, hoping to fund mammograms for women who can't afford them. One of the items I bought was a pink ribbon tee with this phrase: "If you can talk, you can sing. If you can walk, you can dance." For me, it's inspiring when I wear it on the treadmill -- which brings me to what I want to do most.

I am actively working to participate in next year's Run for the Cure (although it will more likely be the Walk for the Cure). Our area usually has theirs the end of September/first of October. I missed it this year -- not that I would have been in shape anyway. I'm determined to do it this year. I will wear Tee's name proudly on my shirt, along with my aunt's (who is a survivor). I will shed tears of joy and of sorrow. I will not miss out on this opportunity to do something real and tangible -- to raise money to find a cure for the thing that took my friend's life.

I think of her, especially when I'm remembering things from high school. I have pictures in my scrapbooks and in my yearbooks, and her writing. And memories and so many other things that make me remember. I hope I never forget.

Novel update

Yes, I am still working on my novel (see November '06 posts). There's a lot of work that still needs to be done. Instead of having all the events take place over the course of a week at the lake, I've decided to make it more along the lines of "a year in the lives..." As I said before, it's a romance/chick-lit novel -- so it needs time to develop a little more properly. And since the characters are going to be in a long-distance relationship, it really needs the time to develop. I'm also adding interactions with their families, friends, etc.

So we shall see what transpires with E & C. Even I am not sure yet......

The world's best waitress

(Preface: Señor Gleck has written some posts about wait service -- the good, bad, and ugly. It got me thinking.....)

One of my fondest memories of college is a little place called Alex's. There's no official website for them, but they have six locations (one near you). It's a Charleston chain, a la the Awful Waffle or Huddle House. Good food, cheap, open 24-7. And in the late 80s and early 90s, they employed one of the best waitresses ever at their Savannah Highway location.

I had never been to Alex's until my junior year. Todd & Ernie took me one night on the bet that the waitress would know their order when they walked in. We got there, and sure enough, Kathy (the night waitress) said, "Hey boys, your usual?" And they said sure, but I'd need a menu. I ended up order the same thing they did. the cheeseburger special. A REAL burger with the best baked french fries. Or at least they seemed baked because they were never greasy -- always perfectly crisp.

Anyway, Kathy always worked the late shift, and on occasion Dell (another waitress) would be there too. They were both great waitresses -- always taking care of us along with everyone else, knowing we were poor college students on tight budgets, and still treating us with kindness and consideration. Kathy especially took extra good care of us. She was a conscientious worker -- always knew her customers and our likes and dislikes. In our case, it surely couldn't have been for the somewhat meager tips, but again, it was just her way.

Not too long after I became a regular there, Kathy was out for a while after Hurricane Hugo. She lived on one of the islands, and had survived the storm but had lost her mobile home. The owners put a Mason jar near the register, asking for whatever pocket change people could spare. When we found out on one of our meals there, we took extra money the next time just for the jar. A short time later, she was back at work and stopped by the booth to thank us. She was getting a nice settlement from the insurance and a better place.

Of course, as in any field, you have your share of weird clients and customers. Later that spring, I was in a play. My parents came down for the weekend to watch us, and I took them to Alex's after the Friday performance. Alex's was just the kind of place my dad loves. Kathy was there and did not fail to be the same kind soul she was. The next night, after we broke down the set, I took my brother there as a thank-you (he'd helped us do break-down). He and I were sitting in the booth, noshing on our chee-burger chee-burgers. Kathy and Dell were both there working, and Kathy was joking about getting a present from the Easter Bunny (just jiving with Dell and us). She said, "I tell you, I wish the Easter Bunny would hurry up and show up with my gift!" At that point, some idiot redneck (who was mercifully leaving) stood up and yelled out, "Well I'm right here now, bay-bayyyyy!" Kathy shot him a look that would have melted Antarctica. My brother lost it -- starting laughing so hard his body was shaking. After Redneck left, Kathy remarked, "Easter Bunny, my foot!" The guy sitting in the booth behind us said, "More like Easter jackass!" My brother lost it all again.

The next fall, when we came back, Kathy was telling us about her new boyfriend -- nice guy in the Navy, who was mad about her (and her for him) and how this just might be the right guy for a change. He had even bought her a horse -- which she loved - just before he left for sea duty. One year to the day after Hugo hit, lightning struck the barn where her horse was stabled and it caught fire. They weren't able to save all the horses, and Kathy's horse didn't make it. She was totally devastated. Once again, we brought extra money and a "thinking of you" card to give her on our next visit. When she came back, it was hugs all around.

We never know the people who are going to impact our lives. No one would have suspected 4 or 5 college students bonding over a couple of years with a waitress. We were out there 2-3 times a week but still..... And it's obvious I have not forgotten Kathy or her kindness to us. I hope that life in the ensuing fifteen years have been good to her. I hope that her dreams have come true and that she is happy.

YouTube is...

the crack cocaine of the internet world. Whatever you do, don't send me to rehab.

Friends turned me on to this a long time back. Now I have not personally put any videos on there but I am having the time of my life looking at old 80s videos.

God bless YouTube!

Solitude

Ah! I am alone. It is divine. Just me, the computer, and no one else around.

Solitude is highly underrated. Don't get me wrong: I love being around people, but up to a certain extent. After that, I have to be alone, and I will take it any way I can get it. Usually, in my case, that will involve a long drive somewhere, and any amount of gas money I spend is worth it for those hours of being alone with my own thoughts. As if you didn't notice already, I am a world-class ponderer. I always have some thought rolling around in my brain and picking up steam. Those times of solitude allow me to either roll with it, or stop it and work it out.

I know this solitude can't last forever. Everyone will come streaming back in at some point, jaws flapping and voices filling what is now a beautiful silence. The only sounds literally are coming from my own breath, the quiet drone of the computer fan, the squeaky chair I'm in, the fingers hitting the keyboard, and the occasional chime of the clock. This is heaven.

Being alone used to bother me. The silence was always deafening. I had to have the crowd, the noise, the chatter. I realize now that it was because I didn't want to be alone with myself. These days, I'm far more apt to seek the quiet spaces. I guess I finally took Depeche Mode's advice and have learned to "enjoy the silence."

Again, not that I don't love people and want to shut myself away forever..... I would croak without human contact. But I find that I enjoy the social dimension of my life far more when I know that I have appreciated the beauty of being alone. There's a great article in Psychology Today about solitude versus loneliness, and it matches a lot of what I'm trying to say here.

Namaste!

I have returned!!!

Holy crap. Lesson learned from all this: Always have another alternative.

Shakin' Up The Lyra

Every now and again, it pays to shake things up. With that in mind, I shook up some of the tunes on the Lyra for my workout and my own personal enjoyment. I removed only a couple but added a few new songs to help me kick ass on the treadmill and on the machines.

Here's the new list:

• (Every Time I Turn Around) Back In Love Again -- LTD (lead singer: Jeffrey Osborne). A real mover and shaker.
• (Get Up I Feel Like Being A) Sex Machine -- James Brown. Brother James' recent demise made me put this one back on. My favorite of his songs.
• Ah! Leah! -- Donnie Iris. An old favorite that has been on here a while.
• Alive & Kicking -- Simple Minds. Another old favorite.
• All Fired Up -- Pat Benatar. This one has probably been on from the beginning. I had thought of rotating it off, but I can't bring myself to. It's one of those songs where the message means a lot to me.
• Bitch -- Rolling Stones. Another old fave, taken off and brought back.
• Boogie Wonderland -- Earth Wind & Fire. Great moving tune, and it's EW&F (need I say more?)
• Boogie Woogie Choo-Choo Train -- The Tractors. I like the song.
• Cigarettes & Alcohol -- Rod Stewart. Odd selection for music for healthy living, but it's the beat.
• Cool the Engines -- Boston. Been here from the start and isn't leaving any time soon. It really is a great cool-down song and a nice reminder for me to cool the engines myself.
• Cradle of Love -- Billy Idol. Great beat.
• Crumblin' Down -- John Cougar Mellencamp. Another I'd considered rotating off, but I like it too much.
• Dazz -- Brick. Had this one on here for a few weeks, and it will probably stay on. Good 70s funk. You can't beat it for anything.
• Deeper & Deeper -- The Fixx. An old fave, not moving.
• Don't Leave Me This Way -- Thelma Houston. A new addition, great beat, but have to remind myself NOT to dance on the treadmill..... that would not be pretty.
• Eruption/You Really Got Me -- Van Halen. Oh yeah.......... (Nettie emits a devilish laugh and twinkle in her eyes).
• Gemini Dream -- Moody Blues. A nice song, perfect beat for the middle of a walk.
• Go Faster -- Black Crowes. The Black Crowes make several appearances on my list. I kind of hit the wall (musically speaking) around 1992, but the Crowes and Collective Soul (and Kenny Wayne Shepherd and maybe a couple of other '90s acts) grabbed me and didn't let go. Love this song, great beat, love love love.
• Hair of the Dog -- Nazareth. The beat, the bad attitude. How can you NOT love this one? And I keep hoping I'll see a gecko in a little red convertible too.....
• Hold On Tight -- ELO. One that I've considered taking off a couple of times, but just can't do it. It's a message song -- keep going, keep going, keep going.
• I Feel Free -- Cream. NOT getting rid of this one.
• James Dean -- The Eagles. Ditto.
• Jealous Again -- Black Crowes. I love this song.
• Keep Yourself Alive -- Queen. I like this song. I had thought about taking it off, but it seems to work well exactly where it is. So I won't ponder it any further.
• Lights Out -- Peter Wolf. I don't know why. I just like it and it works for me.
• Long Train Running -- Doobie Brothers. Yeah, I know, it's been burned-to-a-crisp thanks to classic rock stations. I swear, it's like they worship Tom Johnston and give Michael McDonald no quarter at all. Anyway, I like a lot of the Doobie Brothers song and this one works here. So for the time being, it stays.
• So Alive -- Love and Rockets. Okay, for some oddball reason, the Lyra thinks the song is "Love and Rockets" by So Alive (apparently). Oh well. Anyway, it works and works pretty well here.
• New York Groove -- Ace Frehley. Yes, it's cheesy. No, I don't care. I love this song.
• One Vision -- Queen. I like the song, and I like Queen. But I am thinking of rotating this one off for another B2AC classic, "Another One Bites The Dust." I gotta think on this one.
• Peace Frog -- The Doors. (without Blue Sunday). Yes, a very weird inclusion.
• Radioactive -- The Firm. One of my favorites from the 80s. I guess I was suffering from lack of Zep when Jimmy Page reappeared on the scene, so I latched onto the Firm for their short career (one album, right?). They had good music.
• Remedy -- Black Crowes. Told you, this was a Crowe-heavy list.
• Right Here, Right Now -- Jesus Jones. Right now, this is working. We'll see for the future.
• Rock You Like A Hurricane -- Scorpions. I openly admit that I am an 80s music kind of girl. So why not include the German screamers?
• Romeo's Tune -- Steve Forbert. Yes, another odd inclusion. I think I had put this on the Lyra for some other purpose and just never took it off. I am not sure I will. I love this song.
• Running on Empty -- Jackson Browne. I have a special place in my heart for this song. It speaks to me.
• Sanctify Yourself -- Simple Minds. Another odd inclusion.
• Shining Star -- Earth Wind & Fire. Hell yeah.
• Sir Duke -- Stevie Wonder. If you aren't moving SOMETHING by the end of this song, check your pulse and call your local mortician.
• The Boys Are Back In Town -- Thin Lizzy. Because it just rocks. (Note to self: be sure to put Jailbreak on here too).
• The Other Side -- Aerosmith. There are lots of good tunes by Aerosmith, but this one seems to fit well here. Good driving beat, perfect for keeping things going.
• Well All Right -- Blind Faith. I like it. It works for me. There you go.
• Whatever Gets You Through the Night -- John Lennon. See above. I can almost hear Don Pardo saying "Saturday Night Liiiiiiiive" somewhere over the sax intro.
• Winning -- Santana. Another one that won't be leaving anytime soon. Great song.

Hmm. 70s Funk and 80s metal. Who'da thunk it?

It didn't take Jesus this long...

My internet service is still down, awaiting the resurrection.

In the words of the Indian pimp in Bachelor Party, the Major Telecommunications Conglomerate (henceforth, "Buttheads") "have been liar to me!" Last Tuesday, my service was reinstated (don't ask - even longer story). Liar #1 told me, "I'll have it turned back on within 24 hours." Nine days later, my phone is on but NOT my Internet. Seems Buttheads assigned me a temporary new number instead of rolling everything back on to my normal number -- and never told me. The DSL order? Attached to new number. Then even after spelling my user ID, they still managed to screw it up and misspell it.

FINALLY, I got someone yesterday who managed to actually give a damn and listen to my problem. Bad news? Still 3 more days.

Dealing with them has been one gigantic cluster(expletive deleted) without the (personal product).

Quick drive-by

No I haven't departed this life, but my Internet connection at home is on life support. I hope to remedy that today. It will be Easter at Christmas; the resurrection will occur.

Christmas was nice. Glad it's over. I can only take so much holiday cheer.

More to come.....

Touching the snow

Seven days to go, and I'm finally feeling a little of The Christmas Spirit (R).

Friday night, I went to my godchildren's school for their annual Christmas production. It was so cute! They had everyone from K-3 to 5th grade take part. The little K-3s were just adorable, and the K-4 (the class their cousin Hannah is in) was cute too! So I got to see all three kids perform. It was really good work, considering it's a somewhat smaller private school.

Usually, children's choirs are a reminder of times I took part in the children's choir at church -- some pleasant memories, and others where I go "what were we thinking?" These kids were good, and you could tell the music teacher really had worked with them. They didn't sound like a typical children's choir -- where half have the deer-in-headlights look and stand there bug-eyed and twisting around because they don't know what else to do ... while the other half screams out "Away In A Manger" because they don't know what else to do. No, the kids actually sang, no one screamed out the words off-key. A few did have The Look, but not for long.

Then last night, I went to the dance recital for Rebekah and Hannah. It was very cute, and they each did a great job. Rebekah was in four segments, Hannah in one (she's in Pre-Ballet). Then we went downtown to see the Christmas Village sponsored by a local hospital. It was kind of neat. They had a carousel for the children, but the rest of it was food sales. But they also had a snow machine -- to give it a real holiday feel. Now, bear in mind that yesterday afternoon, it was 70 degrees here; definitely NOT your average December high! But when the sun went down, it got pretty nippy -- perfect to haul out the snow maker! And the kids loved it. I got a couple of pictures of them holding their hands out and looking utterly delighted.

I think that's what did it for me -- that childlike sense of wonder. They knew it was from a snow maker and didn't really care. All they wanted was to touch the snow.

Just not in the mood.

I can't get into Christmas.

I guess I'm becoming more like my dad -- for him, it's just one more day in the year, religious significance aside. He doesn't get into all the hoopla and hubbub. His philosophy is "if I want something, I'll just go get it, or save up until such time I can go get it." Mine is the same.

But now along comes all the marketeers pumping up the expectations for the holidays. All the sparkly, expensive gifts. All the big fancy gatherings. All that warm, gooey, gushy feeling -- my God, it practically oozes through the screens.

Well, sadly for many people, the Norman Rockwell Christmas is a farce. (Apologies to Mr. Rockwell, he was just doing his job). People change, times change, and somehow we get all nostalgic at the holidays and try to live up to all those expectations we had as kids. Think Clark Griswold and the conversation he has with his dad. Over the years, I've developed a great definition for nostalgia: feeling sentimental for something that actually never existed.

As for me, I just want to celebrate the religious significance, exchange small gifts with loved ones, and not succumbing to the marketing pressure of what the perfect Christmas should be. I don't have to go all hog-wild and decorate like mad, or listen to holiday music 24/7 or spend $$$ that I don't need to.

Realism for Christmas. What a concept.

The one Christmas show I can't watch.

When I was a little girl, I saw a Rankin-Bass production called Nestor the Long-Eared Donkey. It's the story of a poor picked-on donkey who is ridiculed by the others for his excessively long ears, but who eventually becomes the hero, by taking Mary & Joseph to Bethlehem.

I think I was about 6 or 7 the first time I saw it. Oh my sweet Lord, I bawled like a baby. I was a very sensitive child, and I just couldn't stand to see someone being picked on for something they couldn't help -- like Nestor and his ears. Well, that just did it for me. I never saw it on TV again. I don't know if it was merely that our stations didn't carry it or if it went back into the R-B vaults.

Fast forward to somewhere around 1996. I saw it offered on VHS in a catalog at church/work. I told my coworker about not being able to watch it, and we laughed a little about it. Then in 2002 (I think), I was flipping channels and got to ABC Family. The next show on tap was "Nestor" ..... oh my. I really so wanted to see it, but I wondered if it was just my childhood tender heart that had caused me to cry my eyes out over Nestor. Surely now that I was an adult, I could handle it.

They got me again. I cried over Nestor -- not as much as I had that first time, but I needed a tissue. My brother laughed at me; I didn't care. Nestor's story broke my heart all over again. Sure, he was the hero at the end. But he went through some serious crap along the way, all because he was different.

Guess a tender heart doesn't easily go away, does it?

I can watch Christmas Vacation and laugh my butt off. I can watch A Christmas Story and die laughing (especially during the "fa-ra-ra" scene, among others). But put Nestor on and I become a puddle of tears.

Christmas Music, 24/7

God deliver us.

We have two Adult Contemporary stations, and around Halloween they start salivating all over themselves to see who's going to be the first with the Christmas music. They start with "weekend previews" -- okay, do I really need a preview of Christmas music? Uh, most of it I've heard for years.

I hate it. I remember when one of those stations was an easy listening/MOR, and they would do 24-hour Christmas music on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. That was it. But then again, none of the other stations shoved Christmas music down everyone's throat.

Call me the Grinch or Scrooge or whatever. I am so tired of it already. I don't listen to these stations anyway unless a song I like just happens to come on. One of them I pretty much flat refuse to listen to, because it's owned by a certain media conglomerate that wants to rule the world (doesn't everybody? Didn't we learn that in '85?). Anyway, I do my best to avoid them most of the time.

But I find myself hoping to catch just one Christmas song on there that I love with all my heart. So I will punch up their frequencies. And I've yet to catch this song on there. I drove to Atlanta last weekend and happened to catch it on one of their stations: the Christian station. I didn't know whether to be happy at hearing it or sad that the dadgum CHRISTIAN station was playing it. Because believe me, when I hear this song, the last thing on my mind is a manger in Bethlehem. But that's another post for another time (heh heh heh)........

Play the song more often. It can't be any worse than Mariah screeching the hell out of "Oh Holy Night" (to which I think, "Oh holy Jesus...."). And how many damn times can you play Bing and "White Christmas"? ENOUGH ALREADY!

YAHOOOOOOO!

I did it. I did it. It took me to 10:15 PM tonight, but by God, I did it.

I finally let the inner editor take over, because she had a great idea. Just write. Who cares if it is truly, completely coherent? No... not quite. But the inner editor has had the great idea to stretch this thing out a little more, so the last bit of the novel is actually from that idea .... it doesn't make perfect sense in the original flow of the story, but it's another place to start.

The thing is, I can see the novel really take form. This initial portion of it is just the beginning. There's going to be a lot of editing as I go along to get it to the form I see for its future.

If you are one of the thousands who've also done the NaNoWriMo with me this month, CONGRATULATIONS! WE DID IT! And if you've never done it, then think about it for next year. It's crazy fun!

Quick NNWM update....

Roughly 41,500 words (give or take a few), and 2 days to go. I have figured out ways to stretch my story out a little, and to keep it rolling into the future. Right now, I'm just going to concentrate on making it to 50K, but I definitely see some additional plans for this book after November is over.

As I've said before, the characters have become very dear to my heart. I am trying hard to make them and their story realistic, not contrived. Right now, with these few words, it's a little too ... well, too fast and furious for it to be real. They have a great story -- one that is going to take more than 50,000 words to tell.

But time constraints are pushing in, and my inner editor is fighting to get out. I've suppressed her as much as I could for time's sake. So if you don't see me around much over the next couple of days, don't be surprised. I'm either working in real life, or off in my novel-world.

Ta!

Another NaNoWriMo update

35,000 words. Nearly 100 pages. And I'm not stuck, but just wondering how to wrap things up.

As much as I'd like to call it "chick lit" the truth is that it's more a romance novel. But a modern one -- none of this "Baron LeDark gazed at Sabrina, his eyes taking her in, from her heaving chest to the short hem of her satin gown. Sabrina knew that she wanted him more than anything..." blah blah blah. No talk of "manly warriors" (wink wink) and "forbidden passions."

The main characters are adults over 35. The time for being coy and cute is long past. They are walking wounded, but also surprisingly strong in their own right. They know who they are, where they've been, how they've overcome, and are at ease with their place in life. Hey, there's an idea -- using normal people to tell a story!

So far, there's been no big external conflict -- no crazy exes back in the picture, no arguments between the main characters. Must there be a conflict? Can't there just be a happy ending for once? I have an idea of where something could happen. But it would be more of a ... downturn? (is that the right word)? Something that will keep the characters apart for a while, with hope for the future, but a little uncertainty too.

The thing is, this whole story could happen in real life (maybe not in mine but in someone's)... it's plausible enough.

And NO, HEATHER -- NO DEAD BODIES!!!! (ha ha ha)

My coworker keeps asking, "Yeah, but when is the dead body going to appear in the lake and they have to solve the mystery?" I can't write about dead bodies. Not that I'm any more qualified to write about a decent, well-working relationship.... Mysteries are not something I could write well -- I sucked at Clue as a kid. Badly. I can read mysteries, watch them on TV (I am a crime drama junkie), but to actually attempt one myself would be horrific. Sorry, Heather -- maybe some other time.

Roughly 15,000 more words to go in 4 days (or so). I'm working as much as I can on it today and tomorrow, because I know I'll have no chance at all on the 30th (working late).

I can do this.

No turkey coma for me!

I'm shocked. For once on Thanksgiving, I wasn't part of the Blow-Up of the Day. Mom and my brother got into it, briefly. I shouldn't be surprised -- they are two peas in a pod. There are times I am like her too, but not to the same extent as my brother. Anyway, around 11:30, Angel Boy was yelling and decided to go for a ride. Fine by me. I was just glad I wasn't getting blamed for something for a change. Once Angel Boy calmed down and came back, it was a fairly reasonable day.

Nor did I fall victim to the famous Turkey Coma. They all collapsed under the influence of tryptophan, but for some reason I didn't. Of course, I also didn't really load up my plate either. I decided to forgo counting points yesterday, but to eat in moderation and to enjoy what I put on the plate. I stuck to smaller portions, and it was all good.

Then I spent part of the day working on my NaNoWriMo stuff. I'm still below 30K words with just under a week to go, so most of today and the weekend will be spent feverishly trying to reach that goal. I'm loving these characters and where the story is going. I was telling a friend about it and she is now all excited, and wanting to read the finished product. Well, that's going to be a long way off, but getting closer. I still can't believe I'm at 80 pages and still under 30,000.... holy mackerel!

And tomorrow marks the annual rivalry: Clemson vs. South Carolina. Now, I am a Carolina girl through and through. If we lose to Clemson again, I swear, I will just sit here and bawl like a teething child. I have a feeling this is our year. We can do it!!

Very blessed indeed.

It's almost Thanksgiving, and naturally I'm in a little reflective mood. Rather than a laundry list of "what I'm thankful for" that would just bore you to tears, suffice it to say that I am indeed very blessed. I have family, fantastic friends, a good job, happiness, and some measure of inner peace. I have laughter, love, and joy.

Can't beat that.

Enjoy your holiday!

NaNoWriMo update

I'm at 18,000 words (give or take). Yeah, that's slightly behind pace, but I'm actually okay with that. There's always time to play catchup over the Thanksgiving holiday.

So far, I'm getting really invested in the characters and the story and where it's all going to lead. "C" and "E" have become awfully close to my heart. Even if this thing never gets published, I'm happy with knowing I've written more than I ever have before. Most of my short stories have been about 15 pages or so. I'm up to 50 so far. WOW........

To all my friends who are doing this -- KEEP AT IT!!!!

Color me quite happy -- and also heartbroken!

Ahhh! I am sitting here typing to you from my new PC. Or more correctly, my "newsed" PC. There is a locally-owned company who sells used PCs from upgrades that they do for a local business. I got one of them today, and I couldn't be happier. It's much faster, stronger, better -- it's the Six Million Dollar PC, instead of Major Steve Austin prior to the accident.

(insert the bionic sound here)

Big huge sigh of relief. I still have a LOT of work to do in order to get it back up to running speed. But those are minor things, and I'm just thrilled!

***

And yet my heart is just broken. We were oh-this-close to beating Florida. Three blocked kicks, any of which would have won the game. Oh my......

PS to Bolivar: I intend to nurse said heartache over a nice plate of BBQ -- you might have beat us last week, but by God, I was alllllll Hawgette this week. Enjoy the win!

Shiny, happy people: my big ol' butt!

Well, I've done a little research into the airwave robbers. Seems there's a "Christian alternative" station licensed to a church in a city between where I work and Charlotte. I know they're licensed to 104.1 FM ... but their repeater signal on 95.7, I'm not so sure about. I am just-this-close to calling said church, and saying some very non-church-like things.

I have no problem per se with Christian radio. It's not my cup of tea. I know -- that sounds so weird, especially considering I sing in church and so forth. But as far as listening to "contemporary Christian" I can't stand the stuff. I call it "Yippee Skippy For Jesus" music -- because, you know, "it's all so beautiful" (and forgive me, Faces, for stealing a line from your music). Don't worry, be happy for the Lord.

(insert wretching noise)

With a couple of notable exceptions, most of these singers and songwriters forget that a good part of the Psalms -- the original Top 40 (or in this case, Top 150) -- are full of complaints and even prayers along the lines of "God, will you PLEASE smite my enemies?" And quite frankly, that might appeal to me. People who are open and honest and admit to struggles and frailties and temptations (and occasionally giving in to temptation), people who aren't afraid to say, "Yes, I struggle to believe. Yes, there are times I question God, even to questioning his existence or his care for us." That, my friends, I would be far more apt to listen to.

Anyway, they're still effing with my wa. This is not boding well. Something must be done.

The 11th commandment oughta be....

"Thou shalt not harsh Nettie's mellow."

One of my very favorite radio stations is 95.7 FM The Ride out of Charlotte NC. It reaches over to my house (albeit somewhat fuzzily), but gets stronger as I drive east toward work. It is independent radio, which makes me love it automatically, and they are classic rock as it is intended to be: not the same seven or eight favorite artists singing the same 15 songs. They have streaming online, so I definitely suggest checking them out.

A few weeks ago, the harshing of my morning mellow began. Seems a little LPFM in Greenville (that's "low power FM") was dropping itself in at 95.5 FM. Fine, but it overpowered the Charlotte signal just as I was going through downtown. Over on the Eastside, where I work, you couldn't even begin to pick up this little LPFM. I had given some serious thought to calling the DJ (who gave his name on the air), and telling him to quit "f---in' with my wa!" (thank you, Jax, for that phrase, I do love it so!).

So you can imagine my extreme glee this week when, praise be, the little LPFM seemed to be off the air, and The Ride came in loud and clear through downtown. No more cutoffs in the middle of "Layla" or "Let It Bleed" or any other fantastic song.

And you can also imagine my intense horror when, later this week, I began to pick up some stuff that definitely did NOT fall into The Ride's playlist, playing on their frequency. Seems that some "positive alternative" station (a/k/a Yippee Skippy for Jesus Metal and Rap) has hijacked this frequency on the Eastside.

I am not happy. In the least. My mellow has most definitely been harshed. My wa is beyond effed.

*****

Adding to this, the two local big A/C stations are falling all over themselves to be the first in the area to play Christmas music. I am aghast. Halloween was just this past week -- why the holy hell do I want to start hearing Bing sing "White Christmas"???? For God's sake, can't you wait till Thanksgiving?

When are stations going to realize that a large segment of the population has no interest in holiday tunes right now?

So, Lord -- what's the judgment on all these 11th-commandment breakers? A finger on the "SMITE" button?

Killing you softly with my keyboard

Or at least I hope not. Today I started with the NaNoWriMo thing -- and in just two hours, I did about 2000 words. That included breaks to catch a moment of VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 80s. That's been fun to watch but OH! what has happened to some of the hotties from then!!! YIKES!

Anyway, it seems to be flowing for now. I'm not sure how it will all pan out. I'll keep you updated.

And Kate...Naturally asked if anyone else was having trouble with the NaNoWriMo site -- count me in. I can't even get to the main page, let alone log in and upload. It's weird, I tell ya. Weird.

Well, I have done it.

I'm gonna do it. At least I am going to start it. I am going to at long last work on my dream of the Great American Novel.

I have several short stories, but I am starting from scratch. I have an idea in my head of where I'd like to go and what I'd like to do .... but none committed to paper yet. I am very much looking forward to this. I love to write, but I mostly do short stories and "creative non-fiction"/ little essays (like my blog posts). But to actually work daily toward this .... it's going to be interesting!

We shall see how far I get. And to my fellow participants (Stacey, Susan, and a bazillion others, I'm sure) --- WE CAN DO IT!!!

A good birthday!

My birthday was actually two days ago (the 25th). I hit the big 3-7, but I'm a little weird -- usually in July, I start calling myself my future age. That way, when the birthday rolls around, I'm used to saying "I'm (#)" and it doesn't wig me out.

Last Saturday was my boss's 50th birthday party -- what a blast!!! Then Wednesday, my coworkers all took me to lunch. That night, Stacey, Chris, the kids and Nicole all took me to dinner. What a blast!

It's going to be a good year. I just know it in my soul and in my bones. To a good year!

Wazzzzzup? I'm in da house!

Today was the day we did our Halloween dress-up at work. Normally, it's done on Halloween, but for whatever reason this year (usually lots of drop-in guests lately), it probably wasn't feasible. So I dressed up as a thuggy-ghetto-fab girl.

I wore my athletic jacket -- navy and pink -- and a pair of navy yoga pants with a matching pink stripe down the legs. They are actually two different brands, but it worked well together. I also wore a hot pink do-rag -- the bandanna had little skulls all over it. I had picked up a sticky rhinestone phrase ("fabulous") at AC Moore -- PERFECT for my do-rag. I actually have another one in navy at home that says "DIVA!" but I couldn't find it. Oh well -- this one worked. And for the crowning touch, I bought some chain -- literal chain -- out of the hardware section at Wally World last night. I also bought a big ol' honkin' X-Men alarm clock (hey, it was on sale; it could have been Barbie for all I cared). Yup -- a Flava-style neckpiece!

I was hoping to win "Most Opposite of Your Personality" -- but our sales manager dressed as a vampira/witchy creature and won. She's one of the sweetest people, so it really was opposite of her. There weren't too many of us who dressed up compared to last year, but it was STILL a lot of fun. The shop guys, who usually don't dress up, declared themselves nudists on strike.... that was funny!

And this is another reason I love my job!

A real FMR moment yesterday -- and the past, revisited

I had a great weekend in the Coastal Empire with Talmadge and Seraphim. It was lots of fun, loads of laughs, good deep conversation, and complete silliness. I turned into a 7-year-old all over again, simply with one showing of Tweety & Sylvester, backed with Jabberjaw. Ahhhhh -- Jabberjaw!

Anyway, on Saturday, Tal asked me if I knew my right front tire had a screw in it. No .... no, I did not. So before I left on Monday, I stopped by their local Wally World for a tire. An hour later, I was on the road and happily heading for home. Right before dinner, my dad asked, "Did you say you got a new right front tire?" When I replied affirmatively, he said, "It's flat."

No. No. No...... Yes. Well, FMR (a phrase I use often, but I'm engaging in some self-censorship. Suffice to say the last word is "running). I had driven less than 300 miles on this tire. No way should it have done that. So this morning, I went to the local Wally and they gladly replaced it. Turns out it was definitely defective. There were two minor holes just past the tread but not to the sidewall, and the technician said there was no sign of puncture.

Back to work tomorrow -- the vacation has been fun, and I'm rested and ready to get back to work!

***

I actually went to Wally twice today -- I had to come back once the tire was actually on the car, so that they could do some additional checking. Okay, no problem. And it gave me a chance to do some shopping that I didn't get to do this morning.

I went to the buggy area, and got behind a lady with two sons. As I was putting my purse in the front section, I heard the phrase, "Yes, that's her -- hey (my real name)!!" It was some folks who were members of one of the churches I used to work for. I hadn't seen the boys in ages, and couldn't believe how tall they'd gotten! They're both junior high/high school age, and I remember when they were still in elementary school.

Later on, after I had checked out and was heading back to the automotive area, I saw one of the kids I used to teach in CCD (Sunday School). She has always come up to me with a huge hug, and today was no exception. I got to meet her boyfriend -- a very nice young man.

Just two seconds ago, I picked up the phone, and it was someone else from church -- sharing some fantastic wonderful news that has happened to her in the last few weeks. I am amazed that she found me -- I hadn't really talked to her since I left the office. But I am just in awe that she sought me out to tell me.

I miss seeing the people from church on a regular basis. Not that I'd change the way things are now; not in a million years. But I do miss them. It's nice to see them and catch up on things. And it humbles me that they still think so much of me.

HAAAA! Take that, Doc!

Let me start this story in Summer 2004. I had noticed a pattern in my body that I wasn't liking. After doing a little research on WebMD, I determined that chances are I was having migraine headaches. So I made an appointment with my family doctor's practice. The name on the door says "(Blahblah) Family Practice," but really it's owned by a local hospital. Doc Blahblah sold it a few years ago, when he reached retirement age. He's still practicing there, but on a limited basis. So I got to meet the new doctor.

Two years later, the jury is still out on this doctor. He's very intelligent, and he certainly made the office far more technologically savvy. He's big into EMR - Electronic Medical Records - and there's a laptop in every exam room, the nurses' station, etc. He's also very no-nonsense in the way he gives you news. Doctor Blahblah, whom I've known forever, is one of those kind, sweet souls, and delivers the news in a very personal, loving way. Doctor Newguy does not. He delivers hollow-point bullets to you.

So on the first visit, we talked about my migraines. And eventually, we meandered over to my weight. He was not happy that I chose not to step up on the scales (and technically, they couldn't make me). So he then said, "Have you ever considered gastric bypass surgery?"

GBPS was and is kind of a hot-button issue with me. I am sure there are plenty of people who need it -- the truly super-obese who can no longer move without assistance, kind of like what you see on Discovery Health. But for me -- I'm mobile (maybe slower than I would like, but I can move), I'm in otherwise good health, I don't have any of the health issues (diabetes, etc.), so other than my weight alone, why in hell would you even suggest it? And I don't like the odds that 1 out of 200 don't make it off the operating table. I do not know how I know it, but somehow I just know that I would be that one.

I looked at him as though he'd just passed a large amount of gas in my direction. He backpedaled and explained that one of his nurses at his old practice had just had it the year before and it worked so well for her. I told him the topic was not up for discussion -- it was a big fat NO!

Last year, he didn't even broach the subject.

This year was the first visit since I've joined Weight Watchers. He was mightily, mightily impressed that I have lost 52.4 pounds in 5 months. Impressed enough to ask questions -- how I was doing it, what it took, where was I noticing the losses most. He was beaming almost as much as me.

Take that, Doc. Take that feeling of doing it myself, but of knowing where I can get help. Take that feeling of confidence that I have going through me every day, of knowing that I can do whatever I set my mind to! Take that!

Once upon a time...

I listened to a CD this week that I hadn't put in the old machine for quite a while: Mary Chapin Carpenter's Stones in the Road. It has long been a favorite, but there was a long time that I just couldn't listen to it. It brought back memories I'd just as soon forget.

But this week, I felt compelled to listen again. I had been listening to the song "Jubilee" and remembered why that song attracted me. Yes, it still made me sad for all the things I connected to the song, but I also realized what a wonderful, hopeful song it is. So I decided to listen to the whole CD again.

I had to take it out after a couple of spin-throughs; it made me a little wistful. I realized how many various memories the songs brought back -- not just memories of the relationship but of various stages in my life. "House of Cards" reminds me of some of the less pleasant childhood memories -- too many cases of Mama being more worried about HER reputation than of whatever thing I was going through. If I heard "don't do anything to embarrass us" (meaning her) once, I heard it a dozen times. "Outside Looking In" hit a little too close to home too many times in my life .... and especially for the time I associate with this CD most. "John Doe No. 24" has always made me sad. I still love the "happy" songs on there -- "Shut Up & Kiss Me" and "Tender When I Want To Be" and especially "Jubilee."

It's also still one of my favorite CD's -- because it hits so close to home; because the songs aren't necessarily wrapped up in a pretty package; because there is no resolution. If you've never listened to it, do yourself a favor and listen.

I am completely verklempt....

This morning about 9:30, I watched as my coworkers gathered around my desk. I had no idea what was going on....... Finally, one of them spoke up and said, "We are so proud of you, and all the weight loss you've accomplished so far, that we wanted to get you a little something." Inside was $50 in cash -- a dollar per pound so far. And the instructions to buy myself something new that would fit just beautifully -- not to spend on groceries, or on gas, or anything else but something new to wear.

I nearly cried. I was completely overwhelmed by their support and their generosity! We have joked for a while about my "MC Hammer" pants -- baggy all over and u-g-l-y, I truly have no alibi....

And truth be told, I do need to go shopping for something new. Everything I own -- okay, just about everything -- is too big somewhere, either the waist, the knees, the thighs, the arms, the whatever.

I'm totally floored. Just completely floored, and incredibly thankful!!!! And so to Beth, Cindy, Elena, Heather, Kelly and Pam, you will always have my heartfelt gratitude for all the love and support!!!!!!! Y'all are terrific!!!

Raul shall sing me to sleep...

As a reward for losing 50 pounds, I treated myself today to a good manicure and pedicure, and also to Raul Malo's new CD, "You're Only Lonely" (cover songs). Yes, Raul will be singing me to sleep tonight and I can't wait to hear this CD.

I bought it from a local music store. I love our local stores -- they are fantastic! This one in particular (Earshot) has just about everything you're looking for (and if they don't have it, chances are the other store will). I came this-close to going to a big box store to get the CD. And yes, I'd probably have saved myself about $10 overall on my purchase. But considering the community very nearly lost this store a couple of years back, I want to support it. The other store -- well, I pop in there on occasion too. But the last time I was there, I spent over an hour browsing and didn't see anything that struck my fancy. Earshot carries both well-known and obscure artists; this other store tends to specialize in the obscure. Now, I love the obscure as much as anyone, but there are times when I want something more well-known. That's when I head to Earshot, or the big-box stores.

Both stores, to their great credit, are extremely supportive of live local music. Now, I'm not much into the concert or music scene like I used to be. But I still believe a strong local music scene only enriches the community. So I am glad that these two stores promote and support the venues and artists who are out there!

So anyway -- my hands and feet look fantastic, and my ears will be all happy tonight. WOO HOO!!!

You know it's a good day when

... on your drive into work, you hear "Dixie Chicken" and "Moondance" -- I mean, honestly! Little Feat and Van Morrison -- as the Old Milwaukee commercials from the 70s said, "Boys, it don't git no better than this!!!" And also when you hear an old favorite that rarely gets played, and it brings back memories both wonderful and wistful.

... your pants don't fit -- but it's because there's too much material and not enough you anymore. 45 and counting, bebes. I'm so pumped about that, I don't know what to do!

... you get a few minutes alone (besides your commute) and it's one of the most precious gifts of the day. I know my solitude will be coming to an abrupt halt in 20 minutes or less, so I am going to relish every second of it.

... all your customers are at the ready with the check number of the payment they just mailed yesterday..... oh wait. That falls under pipe dream. Sorry about that.

... you enjoy a good laugh, or give someone else a good laugh.

... you can remember to post this all!!

The long and winding road...

always leads me to deep thought. And luckily, nearly 9 hours of not-too-long and not-so-winding road this weekend was plenty to allow for quite a number of meanderings and musings.

I thought about the past --- mostly trying to answer the question: "If I could go back and say something to my 14-year-old self (when I was a freshman), what would I say?" Well, first would be to lighten the hell up! Next would be to lighten the hell up! And then to lighten the hell up! Yes, I was Miss Serious, where my world revolved around my studies and extracurricular activities. Think Tracy Flick from Election, only I didn't sleep with any of my teachers. In the years hence, all that activity amounted to jackcrap; it looked good on my college application, and that's as far as it went. I haven't done a damn thing with the 5 math credits I struggled to earn (and believe me, I might have been in AP math but it was a mountain to climb). I loved literature with all my heart, but I don't purposely dissect stories or poetry anymore. The graphic design skills I used on yearbook staff are the ONLY thing I did in high school that has remotely carried over to my adult life.

Then again ..... I think I wouldn't go back at all, even given the opportunity. You know -- that whole space-time continuum thing Doc Brown warned about. If I changed even one thing, it would disrupt my life in the present, and quite possibly in a way that I wouldn't enjoy. So best to leave things as they are and enjoy the valuable lessons learned, especially those learned the hard way.

All that being said, it reminds me that within a year, they'll be planning the 20-Year Reunion. Oh God, please, in Your great mercy, make sure it's a good one. No lame-o stuff, or I will develop a bad case of anal glaucoma -- meaning I can't see my @$$ going to it. I know You understand where I'm coming from......

***

I also did some thinking about some things from my adult life. In particular, I thought about two important events of my adult life that changed my whole perception of life itself.

The first situation was when someone ripped out my heart and walked all over it. I have come to realize that I share in the blame of the first situation .... but not for the reasons originally given to me by the Heartwalker. No, my share of the blame was there from the onset. It came from not being true to myself, and for stifling the me that I had discovered and grown to love in my college days. I sacrificed that wonderful person for someone who never would have appreciated or even understood her. It has taken some time, but I have forgiven myself for that.

Most importantly, that event taught me to say "never again!" When I was betrayed by another supposed friend, I was able to stand up and declare "NO! I said never again, and I mean it!" I could not have survived the second without having survived and thrived after the first incident. I had to rebuild my entire life, my whole foundation of who I was, what I thought, what I held to be real and true, and what could be discarded. As a result, I have come to know myself again and love myself much more than I ever dreamed.

Both incidents -- horrible as they were at the time -- have served to make me even more resilient. They have made me more open-minded and open-hearted than I would have ever dreamed. I think of it as giving up the trinkets that you are clinging desperately to -- so that God/the Universe/whatever can give you real treasure far more abundant than you could ever imagine. I am absolutely astounded when I think of all the laughter, love and life I have experienced and shared in all the past few years, that I would have missed out on had things turned out the way I thought they should have.

Sometimes I really do thank God for unanswered prayers.....

Who'da thunkit?

One of the ways that I reward myself for reaching weight loss goals is to buy myself CDs that are woefully missing from my collection.

So I had decided a while back that when I hit 40, I would buy myself a copy of Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs. And while in the store, I was hit with the idea to buy the one lone CD that Blind Faith put out. I'd heard some good things about it, and hey, why not?

I put in Layla -- and it did not disappoint at all. But then I put in Blind Faith. I was even more blown away. In the few days since, I have listened to Blind Faith far more often. Frankly, I'm shocked. I never imagined that this one would grow on me so fast. My favorite song? Probably "Can't Find My Way Home" -- but then again, I've always liked that one. Of the ones I didn't know before, probably "Presence of the Lord" (an underrated Clapton gem).

I never guessed this CD would be so good.

Remembering 9/11

For my parents' generation, they can tell you exactly where they were when Kennedy was assassinated. For my generation, it is the Challenger disaster and 9/11. I hope I never forget.

That day, I remember getting to the church office. One of our parishioners had very suddenly died the night before -- found out at 8:30 that morning. I was in complete shock over her passing. We all were. A few minutes later, I was speaking on the phone with another parishioner about this event, when he said, "Hold it! A plane just hit one of the WTC towers."

The topic quickly shifted, and we thought perhaps it was just off course through an accident. Then he said, "Oh my God. It's hit the other." I told him I'd talk to him later, and immediately went to turn on the TV in the conference room.

My coworker and my boss both came in over the next few minutes. I don't think we did a thing that day except sit in front of the TV and field the occasional phone call. And we passed around the Kleenex -- and the TP when we ran out of tissues.

I remember answering a call from a news reporter around noon, asking if we were going to do any special services. We were still processing everything that had happened -- from our parishioner's sudden death to the national event. I admit that I got very snippy with this reporter and said something like, "I know there's a national crisis, and that it's important. But we have a crisis of our own as well, and we're trying to minister to everyone on every level. {Here's where I got reallllly snippy} And besides, we have a service EVERY day, not just when something happens. So yes, we'll have our regular services and yes we will say special prayers. But as far as a specially planned thing, I'll have to let you know later."

The rest of the day was a blur. I went home, turned on MSNBC, and sat in front of the TV some more. The stories broke my heart. There were so many people on camera, asking the nation to let them know if they knew where such-and-such person was. And I signed on to the messageboard I read often. An Episcopal priest who was a member posted a prayer he'd composed that day. I read the prayer and wept some more. I remember all of us being worried sick over the girls in NYC and Washington.

And here in my small hometown, a local business owner -- born as a Palestinian in Israel -- went to the other business owners on that street, weeping with sorrow over what his fellow Muslims had wrought. Apologizing over and over and asking not to be judged in the same boat as them. And being told over and over by these businessmen and businesswomen that he was not to blame, that he would be just as welcome as ever in their stores, and that they would continue to patronize his business -- all of which has held true.

For the rest of the week, I kept my radio on NPR -- they were running non-stop coverage. I needed to hear it. Over and over and over. I don't know why. On Friday, we opened the church for the National Day of Prayer. I went and knelt there, totally numb. I didn't know what to beseech God for -- all I knew was I had to be there.

Afterwards, I drove to Savannah to visit my friends as planned. And again, listened to NPR all the way down. I couldn't get enough of the news that week. Odd, isn't it?

***

This morning, I heard Alan Jackson's "Where Were You" on the way in, and it brought it all back. And the firehouse close to work had its own memorial. A flag at half-staff, and a fireman's uniform propped up at the flagpole. It was all I could do not to cry all over again.

How has 9/11 changed me? Like many, I could talk about the loss of innocence for us all that day. The realization that we are hated, because of our freedoms and our blessings. The knowledge that it could happen again, at any time and without warning. The price of freedom, purchased with innocent lives who just happened to board a plane, or be at their office that day.

There is all of that. Yet I still hold out great hope for humanity. I still believe that the majority of people are good at heart, and that if we band together, we can overcome the evil present in the world. It has made me more cognizant of the need for true justice -- as Pope Paul said, "If you want peace in the world, work for justice." It has made me more aware of how very much the same we all are -- that no matter what our occupation, our heritage, our faith, our lives and cultures are, we are all humans with the same needs, desires, hopes, fears.

It is my sincere prayer that this day will never be forgotten -- and that we who watched the events of that day and were horror-stricken at the evil that reared its head will do all in our power to overcome that evil.

Dear Coach Spurrier,

I love you dearly. Even when you were at Florida and I hated the fact that you handed us our stuff on a silver platter each year, I had a grudging respect for Darth Visor. You knew how to win and win big.

I know our talent pool isn't what you had at Florida. It's probably even just barely better than the talent level at Duke. I know that you're bringing excellence to my beloved Gamecocks, and I know it's going to take some time. I'm a patient fan.

I would like, however, to make a suggestion: Please talk to Blake Mitchell about his study habits. It seems the poor boy is failing "Biogeology 101: How To Tell The Difference Between Your Ass and a Hole in the Ground." Do you have a tutor who can help him with this?

Many thanks,
CG

Hopped up on caffeine, and need to sleep...

I am such a doofus.

One of the things on WW is that we have to have 2 servings of dairy a day. Okay, so we were out of milk today, and I didn't go pick any up like I intended to do. So no biggie, I thought, I'd just pick some up on the way home from church tonight.

I stopped by the convenience store near home -- and there was no skim milk available. Just 2% and regular. I didn't want 2%; I really can't drink it. For whatever reason, skim milk is the only kind that my system will seem to tolerate. So I was stuck.

Then I saw the Starbucks Frappuccino. Yeah! Those are made with skim or 1%, right? No problem! Except........ I'm planning to go in early tomorrow to do some work on the UK accounts. Early, as in the time I usually hit the gym. As in, need to be in bed this very second so I can wake up refreshed in 7 hours. And what else is sitting in my car? The Diet Coke that goes with tonight's dinner. Not decaf either.

So about an hour ago, I had both a Starbucks Frappuccino *and* a Diet Coke. Plus I had a short nap this afternoon. I'm betting I won't fall asleep until 1:00 in the morning. And I'm still out of milk for tomorrow's cereal.

I should have just gotten the 2% and let it do its "magic" to my innards.

Dammitall.

New Workout Music List

Yeppers, I updated the Lyra a few days ago with a few new tunes. Actually I'd updated it a few weeks back and made a few more changes. Some remain from my earlier list, but a few newer songs from the ol' collection have been added.

What meets my criteria?
1. Good beat
2. Positive message
3. I just like it.

So here's my list (and a few notes):

• Ah! Leah! (Donnie Iris) -- I just like it; good beat.
• All Fired Up (Pat Benatar) -- it's the message: "I believe there comes a time, when everything just falls in line." Pretty much the story of the last 18 months of my life. Things on occasion have fallen in line and clicked when there was no real reason for them to do so. I can't argue with that.
• Boogie Wonderland (Earth Wind & Fire) -- hello? It's Earth Wind & Fire. Reason enough.
• Cigarettes & Alcohol (Rod Stewart) -- yeah. Real positive, huh? Actually, I just like it, and it has a good beat for me to start with.
• Cool the Engines (Boston) -- love this song. And it's the perfect cool-down, especially if I'm on the treadmill that gives you a five-minute cooldown once you've gone over 20 minutes (some of the newer ones give you only 2-3 minutes).
• Crumblin' Down (John Cougar Mellencamp) -- I have always loved this song. And "Authority Song" (same CD, and was previously on the Lyra). Why do I love anti-authority songs so much? The world may never know....
• Deeper & Deeper (The Fixx) -- great song. This version is from the Streets of Fire soundtrack. The movie didn't do so hot, but it had some great music -- this and "I Can Dream About You" by Dan Hartman.
• Gemini Dream (Moody Blues) -- this song has a special place in my heart, and a good beat, so that's why it's here.
• Hair of the Dog (Nazareth) -- one rockin' awesome song.
• Head to Toe (Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam) -- the beat. Plain and simple. It was tough to choose between this and "Lost in Emotion" but this had the more workout-like beat. And good memories of my first semester in college.
• Hold On Tight (ELO) -- great positive message, especially considering my goal is truly long-term. It's a dream I want to hold on tight to....
• I Feel Free (Cream) -- because why wouldn't you want something by Eric Clapton on your MP3/iPod? And it's my hippie-like indulgence on an otherwise heavily 70s/80s list.
• James Dean (Eagles) -- great beat. One of my favorite bands. I mean, c'mon!!!
• Jealous Again (Black Crowes) -- good band. Good song. Good beat. Perfect combination.
• Keep Yourself Alive (Queen) -- great band. Good message. Awesome beat. God, I miss Freddie Mercury ....
• Let It Whip (Dazz Band) -- makes me walk a little faster and put a little extra something in my step. And besides, it's one of the last good dance songs.
• Lights Out (Peter Wolf) -- don't know why. I just like it. And so, it is here.
• Long Train Running (Doobie Brothers) -- another good drivin' song (not driving as in behind the wheel -- drivin' as in motivating). Might not be good for you, but it works for me.
• New York Groove (Ace Frehley) -- yes, I have this. A live version, no less. Good driving beat that keeps me paced fairly well.
• On the Loose (Saga) -- don't know why, but it works for me.
• One Vision (Queen) -- another good song with a great message.
• Peace Frog (Doors) -- unfortunately, this is the "first-half" only of a two-part song. And yes, it's an odd inclusion. But somehow, again, it works for me.
• Radioactive (The Firm) -- ya know, I'm discovering that for some reason, most of these are songs that would only work for a real twisted brain like mine. Moohoohoohahahaha! This is another of them.
• Remedy (Black Crowes) -- another one that might not work for everyone, but it works for me (by this point, I'm usually off the treadmill and on the Nautilus machines anyway).
• Running Down A Dream (Tom Petty) -- fantastic beat, really driving and keeps me going.
• Running On Empty (Jackson Browne) -- another one with a good steady beat. And besides, it reminds me of the scene in Forrest Gump when he's running to this song. Kind of inspires me to think that one day -- not now, but one day -- I would do the same.
• Sanctify Yourself (Simple Minds) -- again, one that might not do diddly for you, but it works well for me.
• Shining Star (Earth Wind & Fire) -- one of the most positive songs I can have on here. If I need a good uplift, if I'm frustrated about something in my workout, this song helps me focus on why I'm doing all this.
• Sir Duke (Stevie Wonder) -- if you don't move something during this song, check to see if you're lying between Keith Moon and Brian Jones.
• So Alive (Love & Rockets) -- yet another of those "only Nettie" songs.
• Train in Vain (The Clash) -- good beat. It works.
• Whatever Gets You Through the Night (John Lennon) -- another song with a good beat to get me happy and moving. Although, every time I hear the beginning, I can almost hear Don Pardo saying, "GE Smith and the Saturday Night Live Baaaaand..... MUUUUUsical guest, Whomever, and your host......" (Yes, I know GE Smith hasn't been on there in ages. I still hear his name whenever I hear it, just like occasionally for the Today show, my head will hear "with Bryant Gumbel and Jane Pauley.....")
• Winning (Santana) -- a truly inspiring, positive song. I've loved it for 25 years now, and I don't intend to stop.

Well, that's it. The current incarnation of the Nettie Playlist. I mix it up so that I don't always start off with the same old song (though I do admit to switching it back to "Cool the Engines" every time for my cooldown). If something on here works for you, then by all means......

Now for the sucky covers.....

In an earlier post, I had mentioned some cover songs that I actually like better than the originals. But now I'm afraid that I must discuss ... those singles. I'm not talking the ones that belong on the next version of "Golden Throats" -- horrid as they are, I *like* those in a weird way. I'm referring to the ones which managed to chart.... they instead belong on the Jukebox from Hades.

With barf bags at the ready, let us begin:

• "Everytime You Go Away" by Paul Young. If you have EVER heard the original by Hall & Oates (off the Voices album), you will understand why. The first time I heard it was in 1982. Our pastor's daughter and I were riding around and she put it on and asked me what I thought. I was mesmerized. It was such a powerful song that I actually got misty. What blew me away was the organ work -- I felt like I'd been to church. When Paul Young released his single a couple of years later, I was underwhelmed. Not many people realized it was a cover song. And his cover was incredibly soulless. All the heartfelt pleading and emotional intensity had been washed out, and just the song lyrics and melody remained. They even took the organ out and replaced it with a tinkly synth. Well, you just can't do that to a song this meaningful. Paul went on to strip the soul out of other good songs like "Oh Girl" (Chi-Lites) and "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?" (Jimmy Ruffin).
• "You Can't Hurry Love" by Phil Collins. Speaking of Motown ripoffs......... My dislike of Phil is pretty well known. I like some of his earlier stuff, up through No Jacket Required and a few songs here and there afterwards. What I didn't like was the constant mugging for the camera, the self-serving stuff -- really, did he have to play both locations of Live Aid, and do the same set at each? -- and especially the Serving Divorce Notice Via Fax. Anyhow, for all the good of "I Missed Again" and "Wish It Would Rain Down" there are the less-than-thrilling songs. This one isn't that bad, especially when compared to the overplayed, God-do-I-wish-every-copy-would-simultaneously-self-combust "In the Air Tonight" -- but it just grates on me nonetheless. Miss Ross and her fellow Supremes had a certain flair with this song that Phil just doesn't.
• "Dancing in the Street" by Mick Jagger & David Bowie. Speaking of Live Aid..... yeah, I remember the premiere of this video. I was excited by it at the time. However, 21 years later, this rendition can't hold a candle to Martha & the Vandellas' original. And while God knows I love kitsch, this isn't cool kitschy, just saaaaad, man. Saaaaad. Especially considering the influence the song had on the Stones' "Street Fighting Man" .... if it comes on, I listen, if for no other reason than to remind me that Motown got things right. Stax-Volt did it more soulfully, but Motown did good!
• "The Power of Love" by Celine Dion. I had totally forgotten that Laura Branigan did this song waaaay back in the 80s. The other weekend, I was listening to American Top 40 reruns on "80s on 8" (XM) and it was a long-distance dedication. I just about fell out. Not that I love this song by any stretch. But Laura Branigan's version had a certain vulnerability about it; a nice quiet power that relied on the lyrics to express it. Celine's got a powerhouse voice, certainly -- but it's a voice that doesn't caress or invite. It drowns. But then again, Celine has a history of doing sucky covers. Remember her godawful renditions of "All By Myself" ... and "I Drove All Night"? BLECH!
• "California Girls" by David Lee Roth. I'm not a huge Beach Boys fan by any stretch. Pretty much everything they have done since Pet Sounds has sucked and is just a ploy for more dinero. But their earlier stuff was really good -- including "California Girls." Brian Wilson really was a genius, and I do wonder on occasion what might have been had he been perhaps a little stronger emotionally to handle the fortune and fame. As for his part, David Lee just turned it into another ploy to ogle chicks in bikinis and make a video about it. Solo career, but same ol' lecherous Dave.
• "Break On Through" by Stone Temple Pilots. As a general rule, Doors songs shouldn't be covered. There was a Doors tribute album a while back, on which this song appears. STP should have spent more time listening to Aerosmith do "Love Me Two Times" -- that was a decent cover. Or even listened to Billy Idol's "LA Woman" (from the Doors movie soundtrack). Both fairly good renditions, faithful to the original, and yet not making anyone say "Jim who?" STP's was both a tragedy and a travesty.
• "Funkytown" by Pseudo Echo. Travesty. Injustice. Pure sucktitude. This song is probably what spawned Butthead's immortal phrase: "Stop! in the name of all that which does not suck!" And speaking of Stop!....
• "Stop in the Name of Love" by the Hollies. This isn't my idea, but I concur wholeheartedly. I forget which book I have, but the authors compare this one to the original by the Supremes as this (paraphrase): "The missing exclamation mark says it all." Yep.
• "Free Bird/Baby I Love Your Way" by Will to Power. Will to Power sucked. Badly. You do not take a Frampton record, splice a little Skynyrd in, and serve it up. In the words of my dear pal Tal Gleck, "People BOUGHT this record???" This assessment also goes for any Will to Power song.
  
• "I'll Be Missing You" by Whatever-the-Frick-His-Nickname-Is-Now; You-Know-The Rap-Guy. This song just draws my pure, unadulterated hatred. And if I had been Sting, I would have sued his pants off. Oh yeah. How original. Let me take a song that was a blockbuster and change it around to talk about a murdered rapper. Oooooooh! Brilliant.
  

Anyway, these are mine -- you are certainly welcome to add your own......

And the one I did....

This is a continuation, of sorts, of the previous post.

I didn't know my grandfathers at all, but I had a great surrogate grandfather -- Pop John, my maternal grandfather's brother-in-law (married my grandfather's sister). He was kind and generous of heart, and did he ever dote on us! He never had children of his own, so we were the closest thing he was ever going to have to grandchildren.

I can still smell the Aqua Velva he wore daily. I know the layout of their home as well as I know my own, even though nearly 20 years have passed since I visited, and almost 30 since I made yearly summer visits. I can still hear the wake-up call of each morning: "OWWWW!" (from his daily insulin shot). I remember the HUGE ears he had. I can see the alarm clock that sat on the table in their dining room. I remember the trips to Tallahassee that were part of every visit to their home. I can see the wispy white-gray hair that was on top of his head. The gold-wire-frame glasses. The tile in Pop John's little bathroom (off to the side of the guest room, but he used it as his). I remember that on occasion, on Saturdays, we would watch wrestling -- just like I did at home, but with different people. He wasn't a huge fan, but got a kick out of the fact that I loved it.

And to call him "robust" or "stout" was an understatement. He was larger than life. He had served in the Pacific theater of WWII, and he and his unit nearly starved to death on a Pacific island. Upon their rescue, he decided he would never go hungry again -- ever. That man could eat like no one I ever knew. If he visited, it was meals out each night -- especially at any sort of cafeteria. Morrison's was a particular favorite. There was a time they were up visiting when I was young, and he picked me up in his lap and said, "Well, little missy, where do you want to eat?" My mother says I replied, "Anywhere is fine, but I always eat better at Morrison's."

Even after my aunt died in 1978, he still came up to visit, or welcomed us back to Georgia. Then in 1982, while visiting an old high school girlfriend in the Midwest, he had a stroke. They got him back to a nursing home in Quitman, Georgia, where he would spend the last 5 years of his life. When we went to visit him, there was a misunderstanding between he and my mother -- I blame the stroke for his diminished capacity, and my mother's own tendency to hear what she wants to and put the most negative spin ever on it. I'm not sure why -- guilt or whatever -- but my mother would call the Home once a month to check on him. She always got the same report: "he's doing well; it's been a good week."

We never saw him again until that July weekend when his sister "Louise" called us on a Saturday night, to tell us he had passed, and that the funeral was the next day at 2:00. We very quickly threw clothes together in suitcases, left for south Georgia, and stopped when it was already midnight and we were exhausted -- and two hours left to drive. That morning, we stopped at his secretary's house. "Nita" was a long-time friend of ours too, and she warned us that it wouldn't look like him. She and my mother played catch-up on details, and she also told my mother that the Home had apparently been feeding her a load of bull all those years. He had not been alright, but had steadily gone downhill.

We got to the house where his sister Louise was. She more or less hinted that we were welcome to take a few moments to freshen up but that THEY would be leaving for lunch shortly. When my mother conveyed this tidbit to Nita later, she was furious. She told my mother that the Presbyterian church in town had sent over a feast and that there was tons of food in the fridge. We could have (and should have, in her opinion) been given free reign of the house and the food therein. I think Nita and my mother shared the opinion of my aunt regarding her sister-in-law -- "rhymes with witch." It became my opinion that day as well.

We ate a quick fast-food meal and hustled to the funeral home. Nita had been right. The man in the casket was not my Pop John. This was a 130-pound shell of a man. There was no barrel-chested man, no loud voice that had commanded troops and yelled, "OWWWW!" each morning. There was no hearing aid present, but had it not been for those humongous ears, I wouldn't have known it was him. Even my mother turned to the funeral home folks with a look of "Did you bring us into the right room?" I just said, "My God. The ears." That's how I knew.

At the graveside, we saw many old friends of Aunt Mary and Pop John's. I had known so many of their friends, and their friends' children and even a grandchild or two, from all my summers there. Even now, if I were pressed to, I could probably remember a few names. I saw "Artemis," their part-time cook and housekeeper. She was a precious woman, and I couldn't believe that the older woman with gray strands now all through her hair was the same person I remembered.

Mom received a small sum from his will. Living at The Home had drained much of his savings, but I think my mother was surprised she was remembered at all, considering their frosty relationship of the previous few years. We got my aunt's jewelry, which we did expect, and a cedar chest that had belonged to my aunt. Nita got a few things, and Artemis got a few things and his car (to which my mother and Nita both said, "GOOD!")

I was 17 that summer. I would leave for college in a few weeks later. It was a tough summer. It seemed to me that all the people who had played such a role in making the good moments of childhood outweigh the bad were leaving me. Not only had Pop John passed, but another surrogate grandmother was dying of leukemia and would leave us just after Thanksgiving. The time had come to take all they had taught me and move forward.

The two I never knew....

My friend Talmadge Gleck has written a very loving tribute to his grandfather on his Five Flavors of Reflection. And it got me to thinking about my own relationships with my grandfathers. I wish I could say that I had the best grandfathers in the world and that they loved me tremendously and doted on my every move and every word. But that would be completely false. In fact, I never knew either of them -- but even today, they continue to impact my life.

My maternal grandfather died of a heart attack at age 48 in 1962. He had been through quite a bit even in that young life. When he was around 26 years old, he was stricken with polio and more or less paralyzed from the thorax down. A few years later, with the help of Vocational Rehabilitation, he opened a little mom-n-pop grocery (convenience store) right in our front yard. Then he died, when my mom was 24.

How has he loomed in my life? Apparently, he's on a slightly lower pedestal than the Trinity. There is no doubt whatever that my mother adored and worshipped her daddy. I ask my relatives about him, and they always say, "Oh, Uncle Gene was the most fun-loving guy you could imagine." To which I think, "Then please explain how my mother is one of the least fun-loving people in the world...." From what I gather, he had a can-do spirit and was a prankster extraordinaire. I also gather he was a bit authoritarian, but probably no more so than other dads of that place and time. I don't know enough of his relatives who would remember him -- or who are still around to tell the story.

Then there is my paternal grandfather, the great mystery. He fathered seven children with my grandmother, and they were married for around 38 years. He lived with her for probably less than 15 of them. I can't say that I completely blame him either. I loved my grandmother, but she could drive any saint to drink or worse.

My dad doesn't talk about his dad; he just says, "Not much to tell." By the time my father was growing up, my grandfather had moved back to his homeplace and more or less came over for occasional visits. My grandparents never divorced, the only possible explanation being that divorce wasn't viewed kindly in their families. I have heard snippets of stories about him from others in the family, and quite honestly, he doesn't seem like a bad guy. I'm honestly a little afraid to ask much more from my uncles and aunts. They're not a talkative lot -- except for one aunt, who will gladly talk as long as there is an audience (okay, so I get it honestly...).

Anyway, my grandfather died at age 63 when I was just over 5 months old, of complications from a stroke several years earlier. Of course, had it not been for the stroke, I would not be here. My parents began corresponding when my mother read an article in the newspaper about my father's situation (in the Army, being sent home as the lone remaining unmarried son to help support the family), and their story began. I am told that at his last and my first Christmas, he was at the old homeplace. When my mother walked in holding me (2 months old that day), he began to gesture for her and my dad. He finally uttered the word, "Baby!" and held me very briefly with tears in his eyes.

How does he impact me? As I said, he is the great mystery, from a family of mystery. I have cousins from that family in the area, but they have always tended to stay away from us and from my dad's siblings. Not sure why. Of course, maybe they knew Granny and assume that since my dad and siblings were raised by her, they have more of her in them than of my grandad. That just makes me want to know him all the more. He impacts me because when I do hear the rare stories of him and my grandmother together, they're always sad and make me really see her as the bad guy of the two.

A lot of people think my dad looks just like my granddad. I have one picture of him somewhere -- a rare one of him on a visit back to the homeplace, and he and my grandmother are standing next to each other. Naturally, she also looks like she's eaten 14 fresh lemons and a couple of rotten persimmons. He's smiling beatifically. Gotta admit, it says a lot. Anyway, I don't see that much of the resemblance, but then again, I never knew what he looked like outside the picture.

Here is the summation of my relationship with my grandfathers:

The saddest words of tongue or pen
Are these four words: what might have been.
--John Greenleaf Whittier

Short but sweet

What part of NO can some people simply not comprehend? It doesn't mean, "Let me think about it and I might change my mind." It doesn't mean, "I'm just foolin' you, I really mean sure!" or even "Just for you, I'll make an exception."

It means no. Until whatever is causing the problem is resolved, then I cannot fulfill your request.

AAAAAAARGH!

More MySpace follies

Well. A girl can only handle so much romance in one afternoon. In the space of just under 10 minutes, I have had FOUR e-mails from MySpace dudes.

Here's the first -- a real "prince charming":
hello am (name) 30yrs male from california,,,am very honest,loving,royaland very truthful young and single man ..so on seeing YOUR profile am very intrested to know u more ..this is my yahoo id incase u want us to talk online (e-mail addy) and i will like to know urs so that we can start talking online or emailling each other ..bye for now hope we understand each other very well and am looking forward in getting ur reply soon
(Name) .................am online in yahoo right now to talk with u

Well -- hot damn! I had been waiting for my prince to come along. Screw the fact that he has no clue about spelling, punctuation or grammar -- he's ROYAL!

The 2nd wasn't so much a hit-up as someone who just wrote. Someone I don't know, but probably won't respond either. E-mail #2 from him could be a real wackaloon thing.

As for the 3rd -- swoon! He writes poetry -- check out these lines:

i can fill u so much
You exist in my every breath,
in every beat of my heart,
adding a spectacular sizzle
in all the right places.
Even when I close my eyes,
I see your face and feel
the fire of your caress.
Your presence is a tangible thing...
yet as hard to grasp as the air.
I reach for you,
but you elude me.
Still, I can feel you;
the softness of a petal,
a warm wind on my cheek,
a ray in my vision,
a distant light that
ever draws me near.

He got all that from a 2 second perusal of my page. And I'm his for life. He can fill me so much and add a spectacular sizzle in all the right places. How can a girl say no?

OOPS! #4 just showed up -- one line only: "Wow u're so pretty!" So what sort of response to I give? "Yes, I know it" or maybe "Don't thank me, thank my parents..." or "Yeah, it's amazing what a good sex-change doctor can do!"

Wish to high heck that Blogger had a rolleyes emoticon right here, right now. I'd be overusing it!

Loverboy might have been....

"Working for the Weekend" but I'm damn living for it.

It's been a bit hectic the last couple of weeks at work. Not that I completely mind; whenever I'm tempted to complain, I remind myself of some of the stress from my old job, and somehow all is right with the world again!

Tuesday marks my 1 year official anniversary with my new job, and I am amazed at how the last year has gone. I am just almost speechless when I reflect on the new responsibilities I've been given, the self-confidence I feel, all the changes and growth at work this past year. Those months of interviews and resumes and job searching and sitting at home just chillin' while things developed were all worth it.

I'm amazed by the confidence that my employers have placed in me. I admit, I was very nervous about working in accounting. My accounting experience was limited to a small office of a church, not corporate-level accounting. Through trial and error, they found the perfect work for me to do in receiveables. I also do a couple of analysis charts and other tracking. Five years ago, if you had told me that one day I'd say that I enjoyed accounting work, I would have shot you the evil eye SO quickly! I have since come to realize that what I hated was having my work interrupted by some sudden "urgent" need -- and that I am to blame for not having enough confidence to say, "I'll be glad to get you those figures as soon as I finish this project."

What a difference a year makes!

I'm EXPRESSIVE!

At least that's what my coworkers tell me. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing.

Part of my work involves the phone -- lots of calls. One customer in particular started the discussion. She had me on the phone for a while, and was telling me about their latest problem du jour. Apparently, I said, "oh no!" about 14 times in the course of the conversation.

I also said "Whaaaat?" one day and it sounded like a chicken's "bwaaak!" I won't even cover the other things we discussed (suffice to say that my coworker asked first if our lone male presence was in the room)!

I laughed until I cried. It was a great stress reliever.

But then again, they also said, "Please don't change being so expressive!" That's me, that's me, Comic Relief at your service!