So I'm a little late.....

The old format of Fill in the Blank Friday is back by popular demand!  Enjoy!

1.  I am   a picker, I'm a grinner...... Okay, okay: I'm a unique creation of God, living here on earth in this time and place for some greater purpose; I'm a big goofy kid at heart who loves nothing more than making people happy; I'm a music lover who lives to sing and hope people enjoy hearing my voice. I'm moody and tired, I'm suspicious and selfish, but once I have your back, you almost have to kill me for me to stop caring for you..... yeah. That's who I am   .

2.   I have always     read, always sung, always been a little standoffish, but have always believed in the best life offers    .

3.  I hope to     have people look at me and realize that what you see is only about a tenth of what you get   .

4. I can      change moods on a dime. It's a talent that a lot of people don't have. I can tie cherry stems fairly easily (not perfectly, but it can be done), and I can talk your ears off .

5. I dream of       finding a winning lottery ticket. No really, because I have already dreamed up the various ways in which I can give the money for truly worthy causes .

6. The way to my heart is     long and circuitous, with deep dark forests and big bright meadows, and worth every mile of the way for the right guy  .

7.  I am passionate about    wellness. I just wish I had been ready to begin my own path to wellness far sooner, but I truly relish talking to people about ways to live a healthier life. I am also incredibly passionate about my faith. I don't preach on street corners because I'd rather my life serve as the example. Do I fail? Daily and miserably. But still, I rise!   .

There.

More than a hole in the world.....

Just before bed last night, I received some horrible news ............. my friend Mike Kosior passed away very unexpectedly. Gobsmacked is about the only word I can think of to describe what I felt.

I first met Mike via e-mail. He'd found my website back in the mid-90s and we started an e-mail friendship. A few years later, he sent me a sweet e-mail: "I found a nice young lady....." and Susan came into my life. Just 3 years ago, I got the sweet notice from them that they were adopting a beautiful baby boy.... no, wait! Girl! Girl! and so lovely Miss Leah came into the circle.

With all apologies to the song writers and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, the circle is not unbroken, at least for the time being.

I want the world at large to know the wonderful person that Mike was ......... so please allow me to share these links with you. I hope that you will take a moment to visit them and read just a little of how special and wonderful Mike was and how inspiring he will always be.

Godspeed Mike. This world is far less complete without you in it. The Eagles sang about a hole in the world, but in this case it's a canyon.....

Fredericksburg.com article
Mark Patinkin's article (originally posted in Providence [RI] Journal)
Mike's own web page

Just some thoughts....

This isn't inspired by anything in particular -- there has been no event, no word spoken, no gesture made to label this a reaction to it. These are just some things I've been thinking on for a while.............

I'm world-weary; more precisely, I'm weary of a lot of things about the world.

I'm weary of a world that expects conformity, and considers it the highest value. I lived in that world: it was called high school. It took moving across the state and starting with a blank slate in college to move beyond it. I swore I'd never live there again, and I have no intention to do so. Perhaps that is why I sometimes choose to be contrary simply for its own sake -- to remind everyone that in a world of a billion shades of grey, we need hot pink and lime green and eye-popping turquoise and even ugly UT Orange (both UT's).

I'm weary of a world which only places value on your economy -- what you can contribute, how much you drain. If you fall below a certain Mendoza line, well...... or if you somehow get above an arbitrary ceiling set for you, then they'll either let you loose or find a way to bring you down.

I'm weary of a world which places no value at all on the arts. Okay, that may just be an American cultural thing. Or art only if it's controversial and arcane. Or art if it draws a fortune at a Sotheby's or Christie's auction. We tell our children that arts and crafts are best left to childhood camps and art day at school, but artists in real life are slackers who don't want to "grow up" ...... or who have to do work which doesn't feed their art or their soul.

I'm weary of a world where people are judged and divided by where they fall on an issue -- and immediately labeled as the enemy. I daresay I probably disagree on various issues with my friends and yet we still love each other. Unfortunately with the cameras rolling, I doubt Harry Reid and John Boehner would ever own up  to agreeing on anything.

And I'm definitely weary of a world in which all our best efforts go completely unheralded and our tiniest mistakes magnified.

I believe in more.

I believe there is a place where people are valued for who they are, encouraged to be whomever they want to be with no limits and no expectations. I believe there is a world where people are free to do what makes their souls sing and they are loved for it. I believe in a place where differences are respected and everyone still loves each other all the more for it.

That's my version of heaven ......... and I believe in my heart of hearts that if we just put forth a little more effort, we could have heaven on earth.

The shackles are undone, the bullet's quit the gun
The heat that's in the sun will keep us when there's none
The rule has been disproved, the stone - it has been moved;
The grain is now a grove; all debts are removed.
Oh, can't you see what love has done?
Oh, can't you see what love has done?
Oh, can't you see what love has done,
What it's doing to me.......


To every broken heart, for every heart that cries
Love left a window in the skies
And to love I rhapsodize.....


This song has been going through my head just about every morning this week as I've awakened. Someone's trying to tell me something...... thank you Bono!

FITBF, 6/8

Today I bring you the new and improved

Fill in the Blank Friday!

The format is a little different, but the idea is still the same. There will still be blank filling, but instead of coming up with seven blanks each week there will only be one. You may be thinking, "What?! What am I supposed to do with only one blank?!" Well, let me explain....

I will be giving you a fill in the blank, a theme or a story starter each week and you'll complete a blog post based on the prompt. Kind of like a writer's workshop. Remember that when you were in school? I always loved those!

I thought this would be a fun way to see how people make the post their own. Feel free to add photos or whatever you want to personalize your post and then make sure you link back here as always so we can all check out each other's posts! So, without further ado, here's this week's blank....

I need to... period.

I need a creative outlet for all the thoughts, words, ideas, everything that swirls around in my head. I need a place to put the deeper story of life: the backstory, the little details that explain, the emotions behind the words.

I need to write. I sing, my one best talent, but that's hard to do in a blog. Writing is my "1B" .... I need to write so that I can continually improve the craft, hone my skills, expand the gift I was given.

Vainly, I blog to have some sort of record somewhere, other than facts in a census record or vital records vault, to show the world I was here. Without kids to carry on my story, this is how I can do this.

I blog to help others, especially in my weight-loss blog. I want to show people that anything is possible with determination, hard work, and a lot of support. To never stop believing, dreaming, working, planning and trying.

I blog privately to express the things I cannot say aloud: my deepest secrets, my worst fears, things that induce my deepest guilt and shame, the things that bring me unspeakable joy.

I blog... because I must.

Fill in the Blank Friday, 5/24

Happy Friday friends!!
Time for some blanking!

1.  The best surprise ever would be,   besides a winning lottery ticket? A surprise vacation..... not in the sense of you buy it and you're not sure where you're going (because they are SRSLY discussing that right now on the morning news). I mean the one where a friend says, "We're going this weekend, not telling you where but everything is planned." I had that happen several years ago, and it was one of the best weekends. I don't think I thanked my friend enough for that    .

2.      My time in college with my frat brothers   is my most favorite memory .    There are so many specific moments and precious memories that I cannot choose one and say, "Oh, that's it!" And there were times in college that were not as pleasant as that time in life should be. But on the whole, it was my friends who made those 4+ years just beautiful. They met me with no expectations, no preconceived notions, and together our friendships developed    .

3.  The hardest, but most worthwhile thing I've ever done was     no doubt: losing over half my body weight. Long journey (still ongoing, always will be) but worth EVERY dollar and second invested  .

4.  The best part of my day is    either drive time home (on days where I have no where to be, no appointment), just me and the road. I can take whatever road, however long it takes to decompress. With a 45-min-plus drive, it's not too hard to do that, but sometimes, you need the extra moments or the different perspective  .

5. Something I like that most people don't is       spicy chocolate. I love the flavor of chipotle or cayenne mixed into chocolate. YUMMMM! .

6. Something I am willing to fight for is     my faith. I chose my expression of faith in my early 20s, and people reacted with everything from complete support to almost-shunning. I may not always agree with every little statement issued by those in the ivory tower, but my faith is not in them.... I fought too hard and too long to come this far, and my faith life is all the richer because of it  .

7.  Something you might not know about me is   that I am an introvert. Introversion is not the quality of being shy or afraid of performing in public - rather it is from which sources is your energy derived. I have no trouble dealing with the public, no fear at all of public speaking or performance -- but I can only take so much before I am utterly drained. My energy comes from the internal world. Daily solitude is a must -- hence, the reason the long drive time (#4) is very important to me  .

Happy weekend!

Fill in the Blank Friday, 5/17

Feeling cheerful this week
so I came up with some cheerful blanks.


Enjoy!

1.  Something that is very near and dear to my heart is,   wellness.  I really believe that people can do so much themselves to help themselves become healthier day by day. It might not take away all the health issues but it may make them easier to keep in check    .

2.      Breathing   is good cause to celebrate .

3.  The most fun I ever had was     how could I possibly choose?  There have been so many fun moments that I can't begin to think of the best one  .

4.  True friends are   the ones who have seen you at your best and your worst and love you anyway, who know your secrets and would never dream of telling a soul, and with whom you feel absolutely safe  .

5. Something that makes me terribly happy is       my dog greeting me every day when I come home like it is the first time he's ever seen me .

6. A good way to spend a sunny day is     hanging out with friends doing whatever we wish  .

7.  My favorite celebratory food is   I don't really have one..... it all depends on the circumstances, the people, my mood......  .

Happy weekend!

Fill In the Blank Friday, 5/10

The original author is a bit under the weather, so she made the FITBF with a health-oriented theme. Y'all know health/wellness is dear to my heart, so...........

1.  On a scale from 1-10 the frequency with which I get sick is,   actually SICK, is a one. Going to the doctor, about a 6 ..... at least this year. Most of my illnesses tend to involve migraine, and well, no cure for that    .

2.   The last time I felt sick was    about a month ago when I had that blasted horrid stomach bug ..... OOOOOG! That was a real bummer. Of course, this back/hip thing is no fun either but I'm hardly down for the count    .

3.  The worst part about being sick is     the helplessness       because     being helpless is on my list right below root canal and a million other things. I am not one to admit there are things I cannot do .... and illness takes that from me .

4. When I am sick I like to be taken care of by     being left alone unless I ask you to do something for me I cannot do at that time. But don't ask me every 10 minutes how I am.... I'm sick. That's how I am. Just leave me to my own world .

5. Something I do to keep myself healthy is     just not think about being sick. For all the years that I wasn't covered by health insurance, I just tried my best to "think myself well" ..... most of the time, it worked (except for that pesky gallstone thing) .

6. A secret remedy that I use when I'm sick is to    well, again, dependent upon the illness. For migraine, my secret remedy is to try Excedrin Migraine if I think I'm even getting close to a headache. And I also try to eat as healthy as possible, supplement well, and just take care of myself as much as I can  .

7.  One thing that always makes me feel better when I'm sick is   hmm..... music. Yeah, music makes everything better  .

Hope you have a fun non-illness-filled weekend!

Fill In the Blank Friday, 05/03

1.  My bedtime routine includes,   mostly watching the news or the Braves game, wrapping my legs (lymphedema management), checking e-mail or Facebook one last time, making sure the alarm clock is on, quick facial care, dental care, and going "Oh holy crap, what time IS it? I gotta get to bed...." Lay down, head hits pillow, out I go.....    .

2.   I am    having a midlife crisis   .

3.  I can't stand     when I'm not kind to myself       because     I know I'm better than that and I need to be kinder to myself  .

4. My idea of relaxation would be    no set schedule, no deeds to do or promises to keep, and a whole bunch of scented candles and some coffee or herbal tea .

5. If I had an extra $50, I would     put it back in the bank. Not that it would last there much longer than if it were cash in my wallet, but I like to think it would... heh heh .

6. The best thing about a bloggy friend is     that they are objective. They know what you write, but not your hangups .... so they can give you some perspective. But I also love my real-life friends because they do know what drives me. Probably more so than I know myself  .

7.  A recipe I've been dying to try is   I have shelves full of cookbooks and I guarantee at least 70% of them are tagged as "dying to try"!!! But really, I'll be trying one out this weekend ..... a quasi-key-lime tartlet .

Fill In The Blank Friday, 4/20

(heh heh.... 4/20.....)

Hope you enjoy them!

1. Today is a great day because, it is Friday. 'Nuff said!   

2. Tomorrow I will     get up, go to my weekend work, and while I'd like to come home and be productive, the sad truth is that I will probably nap... But if I am productive, I will be working to put up winter wear / get the Goodwill box ready!   

3. My favorite time of day is   afternoon drive time because   at that point in my day, I have total freedom to do what I want, go where I want, and not have to really worry about the clock. It's just me and the road. And I love the idea of finding new ways to get home. 

4. Sometimes you just have to   say, "What the....." No, really, sometimes you do. You just throw your hands up and say "the hell with it" and start laughing........

5. A song that I just can't get enough of lately is  pretty much the entire "Already Free" CD by Derek Trucks Band ..... not a bad song in the bunch.
6. My favorite accessory is   this beautiful strand of pearls that Jill N. sent me from the Middle East, when she was there on an assignment. I treasure those so much -- I don't wear them every day, but when I do I feel special!  

7. My favorite thing about this week was    getting a massage and a chiro treatment and finally getting my back/hip in better shape.    .

Fill in The Blank Friday for 3/23

fill in the blank friday.

Today is Friday,
the day we fill blanks.

And today's theme is....COLOR!  
Hope you'll play along!

1.  My favorite color is     blue, no yellow! (Just kidding, it's blue).... although if you look at my clothing, it's heavily pink, green, purple, blue, red......

2.   My home decor color palette includes   a little of everything. Especially since it isn't really my decor.    .

3.  Other people always tell me I look good in the color     red... which always surprises me. Not that I think I look hideous in red but I just don't think of it as "my" color    .

4. The color I detest is     orange, and it's NOT just because I'm a Gamecock fan. I truly *do* look awful in orange. There's very little that really goes well with it, and I just don't wear it.

5. If you were to look in my closet most of the colors you'd see would be    oopsie, I answered that already: blue, red, green, pink, purple.... and black. Always black. And if you look at my workout gear, it is overwhelmingly black, purple, pink.....   .

6. A color that I simply cannot pull off no matter how hard I try is     yellow and orange. It does not work for me in any way, shape, form. The ONLY way I can wear it is peach/salmon (for the orange) or BigBird Yellow and even then, very sparingly   .

7.  The color of my favorite dress is    hmmm, I have a navy blue one of which I'm particularly fond    .

March 2 - Fill in the Blank Friday

Happy Friday Friends!!

Thanks again for being understanding of the lack of blanks last week, but they're back again this week - hope you enjoy!

1.  The highlight of my week was   getting an "all clear" for a breast MRI. Make that the highlight of my year (so far).

2.   If I had to classify my interior design aesthetic it would be   early hoarder with a splash of junkyard chic  .

3.  My first vehicle was   a 1976 Caprice Classic. The Bomber. It was a tank and by God I loved that car .

4. An item I need to have in my day in order to function is  coffee. You laugh but it's true. If I don't have my morning java my day is SHOT .

5. My favorite way to waste time is   Facebook. Pinterest. Twitter. old-fashioned crossword puzzles (in a book no less!).

6. Right now I could really go for   a nap that lasts for about 3 weeks   .

7.  This weekend I will be   at a minor-league hockey game on Friday night, working on Saturday morning, doing some cooking on Saturday afternoon and pretty much crashing on Sunday...... same old, same old .

Aaaaaaand exhale!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the first time since around 5:30 PM on January 10, I can breathe a lot easier. That was the moment that I heard a voice mail telling me to come back for a repeat of a test, Believe me, it is not the kind of call you ever want to get, and especially given some things I know.

You never want to get the call that says, "It's about your mammogram...." There's much more to the story but let's sum up: (1) went for a 2nd imaging (2) which led to an ultrasound (3) which led to a biopsy (4) that never took place .... because they couldn't find the area again! (5) So I called my primary care to let her know my joy to hear her say (6) "Not so fast, my friend!" (7) Then came a second opinion, (8) which led to an MRI, (9) but OOPS! We miscounted so let's reschedule.... (10) and FINALLY, the MRI was done over the weekend.

I highly recommend doing an MRI very early in the morning or as late as possible after you have worked a full day doing heavy physical labor..... when you're so tired you just don't care to move! Seriously, I cannot thank the wonderful MRI staff at St. Francis Eastside enough, as well as the awesome folks at the Pearlie Harris Center (also at St. Francis Eastside). They are all simply beyond phenomenal. I also have high regard for Dr. Young at Carolina Surgical Associates, who was the second opinion and ordered the MRI.

Today was my follow-up with Dr. Young.

I have the all-clear, at least as far as breast cancer. I do have one cyst that I need to address with my primary care doc, but Dr. Young assured me that it's benign. And nowhere near the breasts.


For all my regular friends and readers, you know that breast cancer is an issue near and dear to my heart. I am proud and thrilled to be the niece of a survivor, and saddened at the number of friends I have lost to the disease. Yes, I'm only 42 years old and I have lost 4 friends to the disease, all under age 50 and two in their 30s. It's part of why Race for the Cure has been very important to me over the last few years.

I have never felt as blessed, as lucky, as I do right now! And I have all my friends to thank. I asked for prayers, begged for good juju, awesome vibes, whatever positive energies they could spare.... to toss up prayers or whatever to God/Fate/The Universe, however they perceive their Higher Power. I had churches of all manner praying for me.

And it worked. Of this, I have no doubt.

And I feel so loved that it is humbling. Truly. To think that so many people could care and would take the time to think of me, or add me to a prayer list..... I'm verklempt.

I love each of you.

Happy Leap Day!!!

WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!

I am alive!!

In the words of the great philosopher of the 1960s, one Jerome Garcia, "What a long strange trip it's been........." especially this month. I've had some of the scariest moments of my life so far, been plagued by self-doubt more often than not, and in some moments just barely hanging in.

But life is beautiful and wonderful, and there is still so much ahead to enjoy and love. If nothing else, this month has been a lesson .... no, wait, more of a crash course .... in gratitude, in trust, in miracles, in love. And for those lessons and for the kindnesses shown to me, my heart is overflowing. It is a true delight to be able to take even a few moments and to realized just how blessed you are and how wonderful your life is.

Fill in the Blank Friday, 1/27/12

1. My favorite place i've ever traveled to is wow.... hmmm.... gosh.... Okay, I haven't traveled all that much either, but it's a tie between West Virginia and Colorado -- both have awesome mountains .

2. Italy is somewhere I'd love to go someday.

3. I pass the time on a plane (or bus, or car ride or train) by plane - trying to just sleep; car - I'd better be driving (otherwise, "pull over! pull over!") .

4. My three must-haves when I travel are an MP3 player of some sort , healthy snacks and probably my cell

5. My favorite travel companion is it all depends. Where am I going? What's the agenda or plan? That will drive that answer .

6. The craziest thing that ever happened to me while traveling is plane: having my flight to ATL land 5 minutes before my connecting flight was supposed to start boarding. Usually Delta is WAY better than that! Car: my adventure in West Virginia. I had typed the wrong end location into the GPS and I was about 20 miles west of where I needed to be, about 8:00 at night. The guys at the DOT shed looked at me as if I was a crazy woman (this was winter) ... but I went back over the mountain. The next morning, I drove back over in daylight -- packed with snow!

7. The most exotic food I've ever tried while traveling is does unsweetened tea (in Colorado) count???? For this Southern girl, that is exotic!!! .

A Poem in the Christmas Season

These are the waning days of the Christmas season, the near fortnight from December 25 until January 6.

I do my best not to follow a philosophy which extends the "Christmas season" from November 1 until 11:59 on December 24, when the last gift might be purchased .... and which discards Christmas like a soiled diaper as soon as the clock shows 12:00:00 on December 26. No, my heart would much rather follow something that reminds us that Christmas is more than one mere day but an outlook for all year, for all life. I also don't get all huffy when people say "Happy Holidays" because I'm smart enough to realize that Christmas is one winter celebration among many. All of them speak to the light coming in the darkness and getting stronger and brighter even in the darkest coldest moments.

This poem was given to me last year by a dear friend, and it resonated with me ..... and I share it with you in the last days of this season of celebration of light and life and love. It is from a Christian viewpoint, but I think any faith or philosophy can appreciate the sentiment contained therein.

I will seek no longer for the burning bush;
All bushes are ablaze.
And I will not hasten to depart
From daily grief and gladness
To climb a holy mountain;
Every mountain now is sacred,
Each marketplace, and every home,
All, all are blessed
Since God has pitched a tent among us.

Now on earth are to be found
The footprints of the word made flesh
Who walked with us in wind and rain
And under sun and stars,
In joy and sorrow,
Born of Mary, watched over by Joseph,
Eating and drinking, living and loving.

Dying yet living, the Word is made flesh
And all the earth,
And each of us,
Is holy ground
Where we must slip our sandals off
And walk softly, filled with wonder.

-- author unknown

May blessings fall on us all, as we tread this ancient ground made new and holy, as brothers and sisters. May the new year bring us new opportunities to be the people we have been created and called to be. May we become living embodiments of the love, light and life that we celebrate during this season.