Time for Me

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Okay, really when am I not pondering the mysteries of life and the universe? But really, lately, my mind has turned inward yet again.

I’m coming up on the second anniversary of mom’s passing. It’s the point where I stopped really taking care of myself and once again sacrificing my own self to serve everyone else’s needs. Not that they asked me to, it’s more that I felt compelled to act. It’s kind of what daughters do: we take care of others.  The care wasn’t enough to keep my brother. He died anyway. Daddy needed my care for a little while but like me, he’s a tough old bird.

In two years, I put back on a substantial amount of weight. I have to take it off. It’s not for vanity, it’s for my health, my sanity, and my general well-being. I don’t know that I’m going to use the same methods that I used before. Not that it isn't a successful way to do it — it’s really a monetary thing. And I just truly don’t have time for meetings. So there is that. I need to get my growing hindside back to the gym — not that the membership is that expensive. But right now, it’s wasted money. I need to use it.

I’ve been saying for a while that I’m DONE. D. O. N. E. Duuuuuuuun. And I am. I’m done with being everything to everyone except myself. The person I need to come by on most. Time to stop letting myself down. Time to love the one person again who needs my care the most: me.