50 at 50 (New Series)

So I'm going to be 50 in approximately 9 months. And I'm thinking it's probably not a bad idea altogether as I approach this milestone to reflect on things I've learned in those last 50 years.

Fifty. When I was a kid, 50 was old and getting ready for a rocking chair. I don't even feel even remotely like that. Instead, I feel like rocking out for the rest of my life. Do I have aches and pains? Gawd yes; Snap, Crackle, and Pop is no longer just a breakfast cereal. But do I feel like I ought to be 50 -- at least as I remember 50? NO. Not in the least. I've been 27 in my head for enough years that it's a nice place to be. I've kind of bumped it up to about 33 lately, but still, way younger than my calendar years.

My twenties were harder than I ever dreamed. The hustle wasn't happening and things weren't going as well or quickly as I hoped and planned and schemed. My thirties were better because I started figuring out what was really worth the pursuit and what wasn't. My forties were starting out awesome, then life threw me more curveballs than I ever asked for: a cancer scare, a parent in decline, whirlwind job changes, losing the first of my aunts and uncles, then losing more of them.... then losing that parent. Losing my dog. Losing a person I'd never met but who felt like a dear friend and mentor. Losing my only sibling. Losing my innocence. Having my cynicism bumped from a comfortable 5 to a plus-20. Losing a crapton of weight and regaining a lot of it in a grief-induced fog, and as I'm approaching 50 going, "Oh no, not this crap again."

But I'm here, I've survived and I haven't slit my wrists yet. And I have some things that I felt I've learned in that time and need to pass on somehow. The lessons may not apply to everyone but maybe I can have someone say, "You too? I thought I was the only one."

So over the next few weeks and months, I'll be doing this series. I'll tag it as 50at50 in the title, in case you're interested only in those posts. I hope they'll bring you as much insight and love as I hope to gain from doing them.