50 at 50: Doing What I Love

Another year-end reflection (I've been working on these over the last few days).....

Let's fall in love with music

The driving force of our living

The only international language

Divine glory, the expression.....

-- Andrew Wood, "Man of Golden Words"

The thing I'll remember most about the 2010s is that sometime around 2014, I fell in love again with live music. In my college days, we had live music everywhere — especially in a touristy artsy town like Charleston. I couldn’t always afford the cover charge (and being real, I’m not pretty enough to get a guy to pony up the cover for me), but there was weekly live music for free on campus. If you were really lucky, a frat might hire a local band for one of their parties and even if you didn’t go, you could hear the music nearby. My service fraternity had a yearly event with live music. Our College Activities Board sponsored at least one big concert a year.

It's been 30 years since I went to my first REAL concert. I was in college — Elton John on the Sleeping With The Past tour. Charlotte Coliseum, October 16, 1989. Some things you never forget. We were still making our way into the venue when “Bennie and the Jets” started. On the second song “Island Girl,” we’d finally made it in and I remember going up the stairs at nearly full speed (not easy for a fat girl, mind you) and I was in heaven. My next concert was just a few weeks later, a Jimmy Buffett show as a benefit for Hurricane Hugo victims and we were blessed enough to snag front row seats.

After that, I didn’t go to another show until 1995. Honestly, I was making crap wages, paying back student loans at a ridiculous rate (because private loans since my parents “made too much” for federally funded loans). I went to mostly some local gigs from friends or things with maybe a $10 ticket because again — low wages.

Finally in the mid-2000s, I got a decent job with awesome benefits, good living wages, and was in the process of regaining the woman I’d discovered in college and then quashed to make people happy. And it all started with a Facebook post from Marc Cohn: "Hey Greenville SC fans, where's a great place to eat when I come there?" That was it. I knew I'd have to go!

So I started out a little slow, with two shows in 2014 .....

• Marc Cohn (Peace Center Amphitheatre, Greenville SC)
• Steely Dan (Township Auditorium, Columbia SC)

And I was hooked again. There were no shows in  2015 (foot surgery instead) .... and then in 2016, it began for real. Eight shows that year.

It actually started with me finding out in December 2015 that Pearl Jam was going to tour. I was thinking, "Okay, so I'll just go to Atlanta because that will be the closest show....." Then the schedule was released: GREENVILLE!!! My brother -- who wasn't a huge PJ fan -- texted me immediately, "You ARE getting tickets, right????" So we went..... it was both the first and last show we ever saw together.

• Pearl Jam (BSW Arena, Greenville SC)
• The Mavericks (Peace Center Amphitheater, Greenville SC) 
• Chris Cornell / Fantastic Negrito (N Charleston Performing Arts Center, Charleston SC)
• Rick Springfield / Night Ranger / The Romantics (Midtown Amphitheater, Charlotte SC)
• Fantastic Negrito (Asheville Music Club, Asheville NC)
• Avett Brothers (BSW Arena, Greenville SC)
• Temple of the Dog / Fantastic Negrito (Madison Square Garden, NYC)
• Temple of the Dog / Fantastic Negrito (Paramount Theatre, Seattle)

Eight more in 2017.

• Bon Jovi (BSW Arena, Greenville SC) **NOTE: my brother was supposed to go with us, but he had an eye exam that day, and they dilated. He said, "But what if I have a ticket for the Bon Jovi concert tonight....?" and the staff laughed. Luckily, my friend Nicole drove in at the last minute and we enjoyed it together!
• Soundgarden (Carolina Rebellion, Concord NC) — also Eagles of Death Metal, The Cult, Every Time I Die, Radkey and probably plenty of others who played that I didn’t go see.  And I got to meet my friends Mike Z and Nancy C in person that day.
• Soundgarden / The Dillinger Escape Plan (Tuscaloosa Amphitheater, Tuscaloosa, AL) -- got to meet my friend Clayton B that day in person, and ran into someone I knew from one of the fan sites. She was wearing her TOTD shirt and I was wearing my white Soundgarden King Animal logo shirt.
• Steve Winwood / Lilly Winwood (Peace Center, Greenville SC)
• U2 / OneRepublic (Cardinal Stadium, Louisville KY) (The first show I saw after Chris Cornell's death, and I admit, I *cried* during "Running to Stand Still" and "One Tree Hill.")
• Lake Street Dive / Ron Pope (Pisgah Mountain Brewing Co Outdoor Pavilion, Swannanoa NC) -- left probably 2/3 of the way through the set because RAIN at 10 pm and a 2-hour drive home.... and a migraine starting. :(
• Foo Fighters / The Struts (Colonial Life Arena, Columbia SC) -- AMAZING! But it was the first show after my brother died, and before I realized it, I was singing along on These Days and the line "One of these days your heart will stop and take its final beat....." and I couldn't breathe for a few moments.
• Trans-Siberian Orchestra (BSW Arena)

Only six in 2018 (would have been 7 but unfortunately Brandi Carlile fell ill and had to cancel).

• Black Jacket Symphony as Pink Floyd: Dark Side Of The Moon (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)
• Foo Fighters / The Struts (Turner Field, Atlanta GA)
• Black Jacket Symphony as Led Zeppelin IV (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)
• Fantastic Negrito (Asheville Downtown After Five)
• 3 Doors Down/Collective Soul/Soul Asylum (Heritage Park Amphitheater, Simpsonville SC)
• Brandi Carlile (Peace Center) **CANCELLED**
• Black Jacket Symphony as Tom Petty: Damn the Torpedoes (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)

I kind of made up for it in 2019:

• Asleep at the Wheel String Band / Kyle Petty & David Childers (The Spinning Jenny, Greer SC)
• Black Jacket Symphony as Queen: A Night At The Opera (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)
• Alabama / Charlie Daniels Band (Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro NC)
• Nick Lowe & Los Straitjackets (Haw River Ballroom, Saxapahaw NC)
• Tom Morello / The Last Internationale (The Orange Peel, Asheville NC)
• Drivin n Cryin / Gin Blossoms / Collective Soul (Heritage Park Amphitheater, Simpsonville SC)
• Weird Al Yankovic (Heritage Park Amphitheater, Simpsonville SC)
• Tedeschi Trucks Band with Blackberry Smoke and Shovels & Rope (Heritage Park Amphitheater, Simpsonville SC)
• Heart / Joan Jett / Elle King (PNC Music Pavilion, Charlotte NC)
• Hootie & The Blowfish / Barenaked Ladies (PNC Music Pavilion, Charlotte NC)
• Peter Frampton / Jason Bonham Led Zeppelin Experience (Heritage Park Amphitheater, Simpsonville SC)
• Adam Ant / Glam Skanks (Atlanta Symphony Hall, Atlanta, GA)
• Marty Stuart (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)
• The Avett Brothers (Bon Secours Wellness Arena, Greenville SC)
• Black Jacket Symphony as Fleetwood Mac Rumors (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)
• Robert Earl Keen / Shinyribs (Peace Center, Greenville SC)

(As you can tell, I love going to Black Jacket Symphony shows and I cannot recommend them highly enough!)

Two more were on the slate for 2019 but didn't pan out:

• Radkey (The Radio Room, Greenville SC) — I went to the venue even after a horrid day at the office with mass layoffs, then learned my cousin’s child passed that day. My heart wasn’t in it after that.
• Willie Nelson / Alison Krauss (Bon Secours Wellness Arena, Greenville SC) — Got cancelled due to Willie getting ill. 

And I already have 8 planned just through August of next year: 

• Black Jacket Symphony: Pearl Jam/Nirvana (Von Braun Center, Huntsville AL)
• Radkey (The Radio Room, Greenville SC)
• The Bellamy Brothers (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)
• KICK: The INXS Experience (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)
• Black Jacket Symphony as Prince: Purple Rain (Walhalla Performing Arts Center, Walhalla, SC)
• Lake Street Dive (Peace Center, Greenville SC)
• Black Crowes (PNC Music Pavilion, Charlotte NC)
• Weezer / Green Day / Fall Out Boy (SunTrust Park, Atlanta GA)

What I’ve learned is that there’s nothing quite like being in the crowd and singing along. There's nothing like the feeling of having music wash over you and cleanse you.

And oddly, as an introvert, I normally avoid crowds, and I also normally don't strike up conversations with complete strangers (my mother did this with amazing ease). But there's something about a concert crowd that's different. You're all there for basically the same reason. It's not a far stretch to say that in some places and some songs, it's a spiritual experience. And it's easy to talk to people over music. Example: I'm there at the Heart concert, and the guy two seats over from me had brought his young daughter for her first show! And during the intermission, a lady two rows behind me said, "Hey, Temple of the Dog lady!" (I was wearing my light gray one) -- to ask me if I had really gone and which show. She had wanted to see them so much and asked how the show was. I said, "Madison Square Garden was huge but awesome. Seattle was smaller and BEYOND amazing," at which point she was like, "I want to hate you for going to two shows but I can't!" :-) Ran into one of my college frat brothers at Hootie. Ran into a former coworker at two Black Jacket Symphony shows. Took / taking my dad to a couple of shows.

Music is my lifeblood. And it's why I hope to keep continuing to enjoy live shows for as long as I can.

50 at 50: Musical Memories

So I'm sitting at work a few days ago, listening to "Wingspan: Hits and History" (Paul McCartney & Wings), which I had bought a few years ago and truly enjoyed. And "Let 'Em In" came on -- whenever I hear that song, it's Spring 1976 and I'm laid up in bed with chicken pox. I'm missing my first grade class as I'm in quarantine, just me and my Woodsy Owl coloring book, a copy of Little Women and math workbooks (little geek that I was).

It  made me think how music can be an instant time machine. If I close my eyes on a certain song, I can still see the room I was in, the people with me, the weather outside, so many things that take me to another place and time. Not necessarily the first time I ever heard the song, but a visceral memory that has seared itself so much into me that I cannot separate it from the song.

The opening riff of "The One I Love" by REM? I'm a college freshman, fourth floor of the Stern Center, sitting in the fraternity office, working on some bit of studying and Tim G walks in. He says, "Hey, turn that up a little" and I roll in the office chair to the table where the little plug-in radio is. I can still see the afternoon sun starting to set over Charleston. I'm facing southeast toward the Battery and the ocean, even though I'm still a good mile or two from there. Tim's wearing a plaid shirt. Five seconds of a song and it comes rushing back.

Or "Cherry Bomb" by John Mellencamp. Roughly the same time frame, and I'm driving myself home for a weekend. The sun is slung really low in the sky as I drive northwest toward home. I can feel that mid-November fall air all around. Everything is in those fire-soaked autumn shades of yellow and gold and brown and red. I'm wearing a pale yellow heathered sweater that I'd bought on my first trip home in October from the store owned by my high school BFF's mom and dad. Funny what the brain retains.

Or "Nothing" by Dwight Yoakam. It's summer 1998, if I recall. I'd lost track of calendar time while still in shock from a breakup that I knew was coming and yet still couldn't believe had actually happened. Even now, I'm hard pressed to recall specific events for about a year-and-a-half time frame. I can think of maybe 10 over the course of 500 days. But it's summer, and the song comes on, and all I can dwell on is all that I lost. And I start crying -- again. And this little voice from the back of my head whispers, "What if you just didn't take that upcoming curve at the right angle and went sailing into those trees?" It is the first ideation I've had in years at that point and quite honestly, it snaps me out of the funk. I'm shaking and crying and I'm scared and I pull into a parking lot (I think for a church), and I sit and I cry and I'm more frightened by the idea that I would do such a thing over a guy. Am I really that sad and desperate? I cry it out for a while for a variety of reasons and then wipe my face and drive to my destination. I think that was the day I knew I really would survive.

Or "Blow Up The Outside World" by Soundgarden. It's late fall 2015 and I am spiraling into a funk I can't explain and I can't shake. What I do know is that my already-established dread of the holidays is intensified to a level that I've never known before. Every person on the planet is irritating me to an extreme. My head is exploding every few days with a recurring migraine that never seems to abate. And having to go into any retail establishment -- even to pick up groceries or office supplies -- is a trip into existential hell. My earbuds and MP3 player have become my best friends. And after exiting any store, I get into my car and cue up this song (#3 in the CD changer, song #6). And I sit there and breathe. I try to stop my skin from feeling like it's going to melt off my body and I try to ease the pounding of my head. These days, the song doesn't bring up that image unless I think about it hard (like now). But I understood that feeling of wanting to just tell the world to eat crap and die and isolate yourself. It would be a few more weeks before I would finally get on some meds that turned out to be a tremendous help.......

And then there are the funny ones that I shared with my brother. Yesterday, as part of their "Big 1000," the Big 80s on 8 played Rick Astley's "She Wants to Dance with Me." I had to laugh SO so hard -- not just because, hello? Rick Astley? But it also brought back a crazy memory: my brother changed up the lyrics (long backstory) but it was almost Weird Al-like: "She wants to pray with me / Yeah, I love when she clutches her rosary...." and I could see my brother singing it and doing the funky Rick Astley dance and it made me smile -- it also made me miss him but it made me laugh more!

So what are some of your favorite musical memories? I'd love to hear them. Drop them in the comments (note, comments WILL be moderated).

And I'm sitting here tonight, as 2019 rolls into 2020, about an hour or so left in this year, and I'm grateful for music and memories.

The Queen’s Christmas Message

Not Elizabeth’s but I like mine too....

For nearly every Christmas of my life, my mom would spend at least some of the time crying. In my younger years, I didn’t get it. As time went on, I understood a little more. I don’t know now if she’d be pleased or saddened to know that I get it. You’d think that years later, things wouldn’t make my eyes leak as much.

But that’s the beauty of a broken heart. When you have your heart broken again and again and again, something remarkable can happen. It has a way of breaking off the crusty exterior, so that as it heals it grows — and gets stronger. The old enclosure doesn’t fit anymore. I always hope that my heartbreak has made my heart sweeter, more tender and loving, more open. I don’t want a calloused-over heart but one that knows only two things: how to keep beating and how to keep loving.

I think a lot about this when I think of the tender babe in the feeding trough — the enfleshment of Love itself, so helpless and in need of care, and yet so powerful that time itself is measured by the presence. His love is immeasurable, far-reaching, unconditional, and immortal. This is how I try to model my life. Do I always succeed? Not by a long shot. But I will always keep growing and trying to emulate the love that brought him to earth, to live among us, as one of us, and so selfless that he literally emptied himself for us all.

May your holidays — whichever you celebrate — be filled with love of that ilk, love that’s immeasurable, far-reaching, unconditional, and immortal. May it saturate every cell, every fiber of your life, and in turn, may that love quench our arid world longing for living water.

Happiest of celebrations to you all!