Wednesday, August 14, 2013

So Not A Junkie

Allow me to introduce myself as apparently the only person left in America who doesn't give one single solitary hoot about Duck Dynasty. Or Breaking Bad. Or True Blood.

I have never seen a complete episode of Toddlers & Tiaras, or its crazy trainwreck relative, Honey Boo Boo. Then again, I never saw a single episode of Deadwood, The Sopranos, The L Word, or anything else that was big in the last decade. I flat refuse to watch anything about any Housewives anywhere, because I have zero in common with them except that we both have Double-X chromosomes.

I gave up on American Idol long ago. I don't watch America's Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, "God I Hope My Mama's Right And I Do Sound Just Like Whitney" or any of the other shows. I have caught snippets of The Voice, but never a full show let alone a full season.

DD is wholesome, people say. It talks of family values and faith. That's great, and I daresay they're probably more sincere than your average televangelist who does the same thing (on the surface anyway), but I'm still not interested. I don't do hunting. I have no desire to kill an animal, let alone freeze my butt off in a deer stand at 3:30 in the morning. No thank you. I don't eat duck either, so there. Decoys are kind of creepy to me anyway.

My guilty TV obsession? Chopped. Oh, and Restaurant: Impossible ........... but not during the middle of a pennant race (or lack of race, given that the Braves are 14 games up as I type). Come football season (15 more days!!), then my viewership of regular television will go even further down.

My favorite shows? The 4:30 AM news report. The 10:00 evening news. Any Braves game. Any football game (except the CFL, that's just NOT football). I was so desperate for sports one night when the Braves had an off-night, I freakin' listened to the NBA Draft, and I don't give a damn for the NBA. I even watched a few portions of the Stanley Cup, for cryin' out loud. Chopped. RI. American Pickers. And if I am feeling particularly in need of sordid entertainment, there's Snapped. The only serial/episodic show I follow to any extent is Parenthood..... I even stopped watching SVU after a while. Good show, but it's kind of jumped the shark a little.

I have all the ESPN family, FoxSportsSouth, and the NFL Network on my remote's speed dial (so to speak). That and the local affiliates, and I'm a happy clam.

Now, if they spoofed DD starring the AFLAC duck, I might watch the first episode.........

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