... I might actually look forward to my 20th year reunion.
Just this morning, I was pondering things while walking. I realized that I hadn't gotten anything on it, and wrote it off to "no news as good news." And then I realized I was disappointed by that thought.
Y'all know as well as anyone that high school reunions are not my thing. Here's why: I was a brainiac in high school. I was Miss Squeaky Clean, a total goody-two-shoes. The only vice I had was a smart mouth. I was also determined as all hell to get out of there and away from them. I had no idea that 5 years later I'd return to my hometown: no degree, no real career. Lots of living and lots of fun, but not what I had envisioned. In short, a failure, especially compared to my other brainiac classmates.
The 10-year was just awful. Some people hadn't changed very much since high school. In my own awkwardness, I took along The Goon as my date/conversation partner. I honestly did not know how to interact with these people -- people with whom I'd spent 12 years of my life. I was nice. I was polite. But I also found that the people in my class whom I didn't know all that well back then were the nice ones. The ones with whom I'd spent 12 years in a dog-eat-dog race..... well, let's just say I said my hellos, some of them said theirs, and we'll leave it there. A few of the people I really wanted to play catch-up with were no-shows. Dangit!
While walking tonight, I ran into two of my classmates, who immediately asked, "Did you get your stuff about the reunion?" It just went out over the weekend, so I should have mine soon. When they described what was going to happen (events from Friday night into Saturday), I found myself actually interested in going to these things...
I've decided to go. One, I'm proud of the person it took me 20 years to become, and especially in the last year or two. It's not just the weight -- although I am hugely proud of that. It's the whole me. It's finally being at ease with myself. It was something I didn't possess 10 years ago. It took an aching heartbreak, a betrayal or two, a humbling moment or several, and a lot of grace to get me to this point. Two, I could give forty craps if someone comes up to me and says, "So what do you do now?" There are some who will be genuinely interested, and some who'll do it for spite. God love the first group, and the devil take the second.
Does this mean I'm grown-up now?