Saturday, October 06, 2012

Feeling a little wistful

I love October -- since my childhood, it has always been my favorite month. I suppose that because it's my birthmonth, I always associate it with good things, and I've always loved the weather. The trees and the leaves were my guideposts that my birthday was drawing near, as well as Halloween (my favorite holiday). Something about autumn brings me into a good place.

This October, however, I'm feeling a little wistful as I start out. Nothing bad has happened, nothing amiss that I see on the horizon. In fact, I'm pretty psyched about a mini-break I'm taking in a week or so, and for things coming up later this fall into early winter. But early October is always tinged with a little sadness. Late Thursday night was my remembrance of a similar night 16 years ago..... around 11 PM, we got the call from my uncle that my grandmother had passed. St. Francis of Assisi Day; I can always remember that. And we buried her on the 7th, on Our Lady of the Rosary Day. At least I will never forget those two feast days and when they fall (not that my grandmother would have cared, since she wasn't Catholic).

I had the opportunity earlier this week to download a Jackson Browne collection ..... his music finds a place of melancholy in me and instead of running from it, I run to it, embrace it. But it's good. Sometimes you need to go to those places to remind yourself of everything that has shaped you into the person you are ..... the highs and lows. Maybe that's contributed as well to this momentary cold front that's sweeping my brain and heart.

In every season, there is in me an invincible spirit, and I am so thankful for everything that brings me to this moment. 42 years, 50 weeks, 2 days and counting......

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