Wednesday, November 27, 2013

A weepy, crumpled heap

Want to make me cry? Ask me to count my blessings.

I am overwhelmed by gratitude for every gift, large and small. It really is enough to make me misty, then leaky, and on to downright sobby to even begin to consider how lucky, how blessed, how absolutely awesome my life has been. Has it been a smooth road? Not in the least, and I know now that I wouldn't have it any other way. I've had moments that could have been tagged "the charmed life" but I'm here to tell you it's pure illusion. A truly charmed life is full of imperfections and mistakes that make us real.

I don't have everything I want, but I have all I need and a little more.
I don't have it all, but I have enough.
I have the ability to hear the alarm, I can intake a deep breath which causes my body to rise and my arm to move and turn off the alarm. I can move my legs to stand, to pick one foot and leg up to move forward and down and then repeat with the other leg, and again as I alternate and find myself walking around.
I have the ability to think enough in the morning fog to make coffee, elixir of the gods. And then to figure out a nutritious breakfast.
I have the ability for self-care to prepare for work. I have work to do and a place to go that pays me for my time and my abilities and my knowledge (such as it is). I have a reliable method of transportation to get me there. I have meaningful work to do when I arrive.
I have a family to whom I go home each evening.
I have activities and hobbies that give me pleasure and leisure after a day of work.
I have dear friends of all makes, models, shapes, sizes, background, genders, ethnicities, belief systems, you name whatever "difference" we might name......
I have a pet who thinks I hung the moon.
Well, perhaps I do have it all, after all.....

How can I not weep for joy at this? How can I not feel as if I've hit the jackpot, and almost why was I so lucky to stumble into so many riches? Tears. Tears, tears, and more tears. A heart that is so swollen with gratitude that it could truly burst out of my frame.

As my friend Lisa calls it, the gift of tears. Another blessing.

So blessed. So, so, so blessed. And "thank you" to my family, friends, God, everyone and everything just seems such an inadequate response to such love and generosity. But as they say, "If 'thank you' was the only prayer you ever prayed, it would be enough." And so it must be.

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