Purpose In The Time of Corona

Years ago, the big thing was The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren. It seemed that every church group or book discussion group was reading it. I probably have a copy from when mom's church ladies' group was reading it.

I never got into it. For one thing, I'd pretty well established my mission statement early in life thanks to another book -- What Color Is Your Parachute, which was big in the early 90s HR circles. Since I was a "permanent temp" myself back then (yes, that was a real thing) and we usually gave that book to recently displaced former employees, I figured it would behoove me to read it. It was a good read.... and I figured that my MISSION (big lights, capital letters, etc.) was more or less "to help people, no matter what job I found myself doing." And more or less that's ended up being the trajectory of my career. I kind of gravitated to those positions and shied away from anything that would force me to directly manage people. And over time, I've come to see I'm far better at managing data and the like than I am managing people. People are messy and I like my work to be neat.

But my purpose -- the WHY AM I HERE -- oh my. Different altogether. Answering "what am I supposed to do" is far easier than "why am I even here." The first, you can figure out in a few years with a lot of trial and error. But why am I here, why do I exist, what is the meaning if any of my very being?  That's something altogether different.

That takes nearly a lifetime of living. Of making error after error, of wrong paths and misdirected efforts. Of trusting people who weren't worthy, of eventually finding your tribe and loving them hard, of having your sweet fragile heart broken over and over again and deciding whether you're going to let it shrink you or expand you. It's learning who you are and whose you are. It's the process not so much of reinvention than peeling another layer to say, "Oh yeah, I'd forgotten that part was even in there!"

So here I am at 50 and a half (thank you very much). Corona-quarantine has given me much time to think (and I just took out an entire paragraph that I'll use for another post shortly)...... And tonight I was thinking about my purpose -- not my mission, but my purpose.

I want you to tell me how I'm doing. Honestly. 

I believe my purpose is to be court jester/fool in this life.

I didn't say to be stupid. Who was one of the wisest characters in King Lear? The fool. Lear's jester. He saw things others didn't see, especially Lear who was so caught up in his own importance that he failed to see what was real and what was not. Throughout literature, the concept of fools to convey a greater message has been used as a counterpoint to conventional wisdom.

If I'm not there yet, I'm on my way.

But you tell me.......