Bronze Thoughts on Golden Throats 3 (Sweethearts of Rodeo Drive)

It only took thirteen years after posting Silver Thoughts about Golden Throats 2, but I *finally* got Golden Throats 3 (Sweethearts of Rodeo Drive). One, back then, trying to find a copy was hard enough but if you could, it was in the $50 range. I was patient, kept it on the Amazon wishlist, and only 13 years later, it finally came in at a reasonable rate (under $15).

Was it worth it? For pure kitsch factor, absolutely. Let's face it, none of these folks will ever be known or remembered for being beautiful singers. Okay, maybe one, but......

Let's do a rundown, shall we?

• I Walk the Line (Leonard Nimoy) -- nothing out of the ordinary from all the other Nimoy covers I've heard. He has a serviceable basso-baritone that with some additional vocal coaching would have been just fine on the airwaves. But the delivery? Oh, the delivery. It's never as hammy as his Star Trek costar William Shatner, but always slightly stilted, as if he were still in Spock character. 

• I'll Be Your Baby Tonight (Goldie Hawn) -- it's not horrible. It's not great, but not horrible. Again, a little vocal coaching could go a long way. Or a couple of extra practice sessions.

• Hey Good Lookin' (John Davidson) -- Those thumps you hear? Hank spinning in his grave. This is a total lounge act rendition. Even Nick The Lounge Singer is going, "Okay, that's a bit much, dude."

• Green Green Grass of Home (Jack Palance) -- again, not horrible, but not great. Truth be told, it barely leans into the okay category. I'm waiting for him to say "I don't need (wheeze) some fancy cologne (wheeze)....." before launching into the virtues of Skin Bracer...... 

• Back Street Affair (Carol Channing and Webb Pierce) -- both well-known, both stars of their varied genres. Together, this is just a mess. Think an older, twangier version of Andy Gibb and Victoria Principal doing "All I Have To Do Is Dream" ..... or for the youngsters, imagine Bieber singing with one of the Kardashians. Moral: just because you can doesn't mean you should.

• San Antonio Rose (Michael Parks) -- no. Just no. If your name ain't Ray Benson or George Strait, then stay the hell away from Bob Wills' music.

• Almost Persuaded (Louis Armstrong) -- I love Satchmo, but no. Was he HIGH when he recorded this? I mean, I really have to ask. 

• Ringo (Lorne Greene) - this is all in French, and it's more a recitation over music as opposed to actual singing. Kind of like he drew inspiration from Sebastian Cabot. But oddly, it's probably the best offering so far (so what does that tell you?) And in his recitation, it's very similar (and I mean very) to the cadence used by Debbie Harry in Rapture. I'm waiting for Fab Five Freddy to tell me everybody's fly.....

• Tumblin' Tumbleweeds (Merv Griffin) -- and now for the WORST rendition on the record. God better have already had a word with ol' Merv for the murder of this song. Backup singers going, "Tumblin', tumblin' tumbleweeds." And sadly, Merv isn't a bad singer. He had a career prior to TV with the Freddy Martin Orchestra. But this.... in. ex. cus. a. ble. 

• Your Cheatin' Heart (Buddy Ebsen) -- weeeeee doggie, Jed sings. Well, kinda. It's very meh. The backup singers are a huge distraction, especially the ones doing the Kathy Najimy as Sister Mary Highnotes impression.

• Mule Train (Rod McKuen) - very meh. Nothing will ever make me forget the Frankie Laine original. 

• Cool Water (Walter Brennan) -- this one almost makes me wish for Merv Griffin's Tumblin' Tumbleweeds. It's everything you'd expect from a Walter Brennan tune. I was hoping Richard Crenna would show up and save Grandpa McCoy, but alas, no. I was also waiting for Forest Whitaker to offer to take some pictures for a friend of his in 'Nam, but........

• Folsom Prison Blues (Living Marimbas + Voices) -- this rendition would have fit in beautifully in the wunnerful wunnerful world of Warwence, umm.... Lawrence Welk. I can see the champagne bubbles now.......

• Desperados Waiting For a Train (Slim Pickens) -- Golldurn, Mr. Taggart, you use your voice purrtier than a ....... Actually, it's not bad. He doesn't sing as much as recite over music. I'm waiting for a sh...load of dimes for the jukebox on this one.

• I Walk The Line (Telly Savalas) -- surprisingly, not as bad as you might think. Telly actually had a decent singing voice. But I kinda would have enjoyed hearing "Who loves ya, baby?" at the end.....

• Peace In The Valley (Wink Martindale) -- Wink needs to stick to his Deck of Cards (both on record and on TV). I often laugh about the hoopla over Elvis, but Elvis had THE definitive version of this song and nothing else will ever compare.

• Games People Play (Jim Nabors) -- you might imagine, bombastic as hell. This is the Joe South song of "Games People Play," not The Spinners or Alan Parsons Project. Although I can imagine those would be just as bad. You know, him doing Nessun Dorma, sure. But him doing covers is just as wretched as you might guess. 

If you have never had the pleasure of listening to the Golden Throats series, and love kitsch as much as I do...... treat yo'self!!!