Bronze Thoughts on Golden Throats 3 (Sweethearts of Rodeo Drive)

It only took thirteen years after posting Silver Thoughts about Golden Throats 2, but I *finally* got Golden Throats 3 (Sweethearts of Rodeo Drive). One, back then, trying to find a copy was hard enough but if you could, it was in the $50 range. I was patient, kept it on the Amazon wishlist, and only 13 years later, it finally came in at a reasonable rate (under $15).

Was it worth it? For pure kitsch factor, absolutely. Let's face it, none of these folks will ever be known or remembered for being beautiful singers. Okay, maybe one, but......

Let's do a rundown, shall we?

• I Walk the Line (Leonard Nimoy) -- nothing out of the ordinary from all the other Nimoy covers I've heard. He has a serviceable basso-baritone that with some additional vocal coaching would have been just fine on the airwaves. But the delivery? Oh, the delivery. It's never as hammy as his Star Trek costar William Shatner, but always slightly stilted, as if he were still in Spock character. 

• I'll Be Your Baby Tonight (Goldie Hawn) -- it's not horrible. It's not great, but not horrible. Again, a little vocal coaching could go a long way. Or a couple of extra practice sessions.

• Hey Good Lookin' (John Davidson) -- Those thumps you hear? Hank spinning in his grave. This is a total lounge act rendition. Even Nick The Lounge Singer is going, "Okay, that's a bit much, dude."

• Green Green Grass of Home (Jack Palance) -- again, not horrible, but not great. Truth be told, it barely leans into the okay category. I'm waiting for him to say "I don't need (wheeze) some fancy cologne (wheeze)....." before launching into the virtues of Skin Bracer...... 

• Back Street Affair (Carol Channing and Webb Pierce) -- both well-known, both stars of their varied genres. Together, this is just a mess. Think an older, twangier version of Andy Gibb and Victoria Principal doing "All I Have To Do Is Dream" ..... or for the youngsters, imagine Bieber singing with one of the Kardashians. Moral: just because you can doesn't mean you should.

• San Antonio Rose (Michael Parks) -- no. Just no. If your name ain't Ray Benson or George Strait, then stay the hell away from Bob Wills' music.

• Almost Persuaded (Louis Armstrong) -- I love Satchmo, but no. Was he HIGH when he recorded this? I mean, I really have to ask. 

• Ringo (Lorne Greene) - this is all in French, and it's more a recitation over music as opposed to actual singing. Kind of like he drew inspiration from Sebastian Cabot. But oddly, it's probably the best offering so far (so what does that tell you?) And in his recitation, it's very similar (and I mean very) to the cadence used by Debbie Harry in Rapture. I'm waiting for Fab Five Freddy to tell me everybody's fly.....

• Tumblin' Tumbleweeds (Merv Griffin) -- and now for the WORST rendition on the record. God better have already had a word with ol' Merv for the murder of this song. Backup singers going, "Tumblin', tumblin' tumbleweeds." And sadly, Merv isn't a bad singer. He had a career prior to TV with the Freddy Martin Orchestra. But this.... in. ex. cus. a. ble. 

• Your Cheatin' Heart (Buddy Ebsen) -- weeeeee doggie, Jed sings. Well, kinda. It's very meh. The backup singers are a huge distraction, especially the ones doing the Kathy Najimy as Sister Mary Highnotes impression.

• Mule Train (Rod McKuen) - very meh. Nothing will ever make me forget the Frankie Laine original. 

• Cool Water (Walter Brennan) -- this one almost makes me wish for Merv Griffin's Tumblin' Tumbleweeds. It's everything you'd expect from a Walter Brennan tune. I was hoping Richard Crenna would show up and save Grandpa McCoy, but alas, no. I was also waiting for Forest Whitaker to offer to take some pictures for a friend of his in 'Nam, but........

• Folsom Prison Blues (Living Marimbas + Voices) -- this rendition would have fit in beautifully in the wunnerful wunnerful world of Warwence, umm.... Lawrence Welk. I can see the champagne bubbles now.......

• Desperados Waiting For a Train (Slim Pickens) -- Golldurn, Mr. Taggart, you use your voice purrtier than a ....... Actually, it's not bad. He doesn't sing as much as recite over music. I'm waiting for a sh...load of dimes for the jukebox on this one.

• I Walk The Line (Telly Savalas) -- surprisingly, not as bad as you might think. Telly actually had a decent singing voice. But I kinda would have enjoyed hearing "Who loves ya, baby?" at the end.....

• Peace In The Valley (Wink Martindale) -- Wink needs to stick to his Deck of Cards (both on record and on TV). I often laugh about the hoopla over Elvis, but Elvis had THE definitive version of this song and nothing else will ever compare.

• Games People Play (Jim Nabors) -- you might imagine, bombastic as hell. This is the Joe South song of "Games People Play," not The Spinners or Alan Parsons Project. Although I can imagine those would be just as bad. You know, him doing Nessun Dorma, sure. But him doing covers is just as wretched as you might guess. 

If you have never had the pleasure of listening to the Golden Throats series, and love kitsch as much as I do...... treat yo'self!!!

Purpose In The Time of Corona

Years ago, the big thing was The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren. It seemed that every church group or book discussion group was reading it. I probably have a copy from when mom's church ladies' group was reading it.

I never got into it. For one thing, I'd pretty well established my mission statement early in life thanks to another book -- What Color Is Your Parachute, which was big in the early 90s HR circles. Since I was a "permanent temp" myself back then (yes, that was a real thing) and we usually gave that book to recently displaced former employees, I figured it would behoove me to read it. It was a good read.... and I figured that my MISSION (big lights, capital letters, etc.) was more or less "to help people, no matter what job I found myself doing." And more or less that's ended up being the trajectory of my career. I kind of gravitated to those positions and shied away from anything that would force me to directly manage people. And over time, I've come to see I'm far better at managing data and the like than I am managing people. People are messy and I like my work to be neat.

But my purpose -- the WHY AM I HERE -- oh my. Different altogether. Answering "what am I supposed to do" is far easier than "why am I even here." The first, you can figure out in a few years with a lot of trial and error. But why am I here, why do I exist, what is the meaning if any of my very being?  That's something altogether different.

That takes nearly a lifetime of living. Of making error after error, of wrong paths and misdirected efforts. Of trusting people who weren't worthy, of eventually finding your tribe and loving them hard, of having your sweet fragile heart broken over and over again and deciding whether you're going to let it shrink you or expand you. It's learning who you are and whose you are. It's the process not so much of reinvention than peeling another layer to say, "Oh yeah, I'd forgotten that part was even in there!"

So here I am at 50 and a half (thank you very much). Corona-quarantine has given me much time to think (and I just took out an entire paragraph that I'll use for another post shortly)...... And tonight I was thinking about my purpose -- not my mission, but my purpose.

I want you to tell me how I'm doing. Honestly. 

I believe my purpose is to be court jester/fool in this life.

I didn't say to be stupid. Who was one of the wisest characters in King Lear? The fool. Lear's jester. He saw things others didn't see, especially Lear who was so caught up in his own importance that he failed to see what was real and what was not. Throughout literature, the concept of fools to convey a greater message has been used as a counterpoint to conventional wisdom.

If I'm not there yet, I'm on my way.

But you tell me.......