Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Begging their pardon!

I got home (late as usual) from work. My mail contained a catalog (YAY!) and insurance information, from the fine folks who sponsored "Wild Kingdom" with Marlon Perkins.

So after dinner (and perusing the catalog and making mental notes), I began to review the information that "Wild Kingdom" had sent me. Imagine my shock as I read this:

For a long time, we wanted to do something really important for a too-long neglected group of Americans.
I'm thinking, "GREAT! They wanna do something for us working stiffs! Woo-hoo!" It continues....

Especially the ones in your age group.
Okay, I'm not sure what to think but I give them the benefit of a doubt and say to myself, "Wow! Nice of them to start marketing to us who are a little younger, help us get insurance we could always use." Okay.... I'm biting.

The solid, decent, dependable Americans (yup, that's me) who had raised their families -- paid their taxes -- fought our wars...
Fought our wars? WHAT? Vietnam ended when I was a kid.... the Gulf War was when I was in college, so maybe that and the War on Terror qualify.... maybe?

Then I keep reading to the next paragraph:
So we're happy to offer you a second chance to get up to .... blah blah, yadda yadda ... will be issued if you are age 45-85...

Well. In the words of Ellen Foley (female lead in "Paradise By the Dashboard Light"):
STOP RIGHT THERE!

Crushed. Deflated. Totally humiliated. I double checked the mirror. I know I'm working long hours right now and probably look like warmed-over crud ... but do I look 45? That's still 9 years off. Fercrynoutloud, I just hit 36!

And this is the way they reward me for actually WATCHING "Wild Kingdom" when I was a kid!

1 comment:

Talmadge G. said...

Geez, I'm 40-pushing-41, and I too would've taken umbrage!

Proof that even I, with my poop-poor math skills, could be hired onto that outfit as an actuary.

Therein lays the lesson: if you're the host of the program, you should be doing your share of the work. If Marlin Perkins actually lifted a dad-burned finger around there, instead of making Jim Fowler do all the 'dirty work' while you stood there glibly telling viewers about Mutual of Omarosa's new ingrown-toenail indemnity policy!

-TG