YAHOOOOOOO!

I did it. I did it. It took me to 10:15 PM tonight, but by God, I did it.

I finally let the inner editor take over, because she had a great idea. Just write. Who cares if it is truly, completely coherent? No... not quite. But the inner editor has had the great idea to stretch this thing out a little more, so the last bit of the novel is actually from that idea .... it doesn't make perfect sense in the original flow of the story, but it's another place to start.

The thing is, I can see the novel really take form. This initial portion of it is just the beginning. There's going to be a lot of editing as I go along to get it to the form I see for its future.

If you are one of the thousands who've also done the NaNoWriMo with me this month, CONGRATULATIONS! WE DID IT! And if you've never done it, then think about it for next year. It's crazy fun!

Quick NNWM update....

Roughly 41,500 words (give or take a few), and 2 days to go. I have figured out ways to stretch my story out a little, and to keep it rolling into the future. Right now, I'm just going to concentrate on making it to 50K, but I definitely see some additional plans for this book after November is over.

As I've said before, the characters have become very dear to my heart. I am trying hard to make them and their story realistic, not contrived. Right now, with these few words, it's a little too ... well, too fast and furious for it to be real. They have a great story -- one that is going to take more than 50,000 words to tell.

But time constraints are pushing in, and my inner editor is fighting to get out. I've suppressed her as much as I could for time's sake. So if you don't see me around much over the next couple of days, don't be surprised. I'm either working in real life, or off in my novel-world.

Ta!

Another NaNoWriMo update

35,000 words. Nearly 100 pages. And I'm not stuck, but just wondering how to wrap things up.

As much as I'd like to call it "chick lit" the truth is that it's more a romance novel. But a modern one -- none of this "Baron LeDark gazed at Sabrina, his eyes taking her in, from her heaving chest to the short hem of her satin gown. Sabrina knew that she wanted him more than anything..." blah blah blah. No talk of "manly warriors" (wink wink) and "forbidden passions."

The main characters are adults over 35. The time for being coy and cute is long past. They are walking wounded, but also surprisingly strong in their own right. They know who they are, where they've been, how they've overcome, and are at ease with their place in life. Hey, there's an idea -- using normal people to tell a story!

So far, there's been no big external conflict -- no crazy exes back in the picture, no arguments between the main characters. Must there be a conflict? Can't there just be a happy ending for once? I have an idea of where something could happen. But it would be more of a ... downturn? (is that the right word)? Something that will keep the characters apart for a while, with hope for the future, but a little uncertainty too.

The thing is, this whole story could happen in real life (maybe not in mine but in someone's)... it's plausible enough.

And NO, HEATHER -- NO DEAD BODIES!!!! (ha ha ha)

My coworker keeps asking, "Yeah, but when is the dead body going to appear in the lake and they have to solve the mystery?" I can't write about dead bodies. Not that I'm any more qualified to write about a decent, well-working relationship.... Mysteries are not something I could write well -- I sucked at Clue as a kid. Badly. I can read mysteries, watch them on TV (I am a crime drama junkie), but to actually attempt one myself would be horrific. Sorry, Heather -- maybe some other time.

Roughly 15,000 more words to go in 4 days (or so). I'm working as much as I can on it today and tomorrow, because I know I'll have no chance at all on the 30th (working late).

I can do this.

No turkey coma for me!

I'm shocked. For once on Thanksgiving, I wasn't part of the Blow-Up of the Day. Mom and my brother got into it, briefly. I shouldn't be surprised -- they are two peas in a pod. There are times I am like her too, but not to the same extent as my brother. Anyway, around 11:30, Angel Boy was yelling and decided to go for a ride. Fine by me. I was just glad I wasn't getting blamed for something for a change. Once Angel Boy calmed down and came back, it was a fairly reasonable day.

Nor did I fall victim to the famous Turkey Coma. They all collapsed under the influence of tryptophan, but for some reason I didn't. Of course, I also didn't really load up my plate either. I decided to forgo counting points yesterday, but to eat in moderation and to enjoy what I put on the plate. I stuck to smaller portions, and it was all good.

Then I spent part of the day working on my NaNoWriMo stuff. I'm still below 30K words with just under a week to go, so most of today and the weekend will be spent feverishly trying to reach that goal. I'm loving these characters and where the story is going. I was telling a friend about it and she is now all excited, and wanting to read the finished product. Well, that's going to be a long way off, but getting closer. I still can't believe I'm at 80 pages and still under 30,000.... holy mackerel!

And tomorrow marks the annual rivalry: Clemson vs. South Carolina. Now, I am a Carolina girl through and through. If we lose to Clemson again, I swear, I will just sit here and bawl like a teething child. I have a feeling this is our year. We can do it!!

Very blessed indeed.

It's almost Thanksgiving, and naturally I'm in a little reflective mood. Rather than a laundry list of "what I'm thankful for" that would just bore you to tears, suffice it to say that I am indeed very blessed. I have family, fantastic friends, a good job, happiness, and some measure of inner peace. I have laughter, love, and joy.

Can't beat that.

Enjoy your holiday!

NaNoWriMo update

I'm at 18,000 words (give or take). Yeah, that's slightly behind pace, but I'm actually okay with that. There's always time to play catchup over the Thanksgiving holiday.

So far, I'm getting really invested in the characters and the story and where it's all going to lead. "C" and "E" have become awfully close to my heart. Even if this thing never gets published, I'm happy with knowing I've written more than I ever have before. Most of my short stories have been about 15 pages or so. I'm up to 50 so far. WOW........

To all my friends who are doing this -- KEEP AT IT!!!!

Color me quite happy -- and also heartbroken!

Ahhh! I am sitting here typing to you from my new PC. Or more correctly, my "newsed" PC. There is a locally-owned company who sells used PCs from upgrades that they do for a local business. I got one of them today, and I couldn't be happier. It's much faster, stronger, better -- it's the Six Million Dollar PC, instead of Major Steve Austin prior to the accident.

(insert the bionic sound here)

Big huge sigh of relief. I still have a LOT of work to do in order to get it back up to running speed. But those are minor things, and I'm just thrilled!

***

And yet my heart is just broken. We were oh-this-close to beating Florida. Three blocked kicks, any of which would have won the game. Oh my......

PS to Bolivar: I intend to nurse said heartache over a nice plate of BBQ -- you might have beat us last week, but by God, I was alllllll Hawgette this week. Enjoy the win!

Shiny, happy people: my big ol' butt!

Well, I've done a little research into the airwave robbers. Seems there's a "Christian alternative" station licensed to a church in a city between where I work and Charlotte. I know they're licensed to 104.1 FM ... but their repeater signal on 95.7, I'm not so sure about. I am just-this-close to calling said church, and saying some very non-church-like things.

I have no problem per se with Christian radio. It's not my cup of tea. I know -- that sounds so weird, especially considering I sing in church and so forth. But as far as listening to "contemporary Christian" I can't stand the stuff. I call it "Yippee Skippy For Jesus" music -- because, you know, "it's all so beautiful" (and forgive me, Faces, for stealing a line from your music). Don't worry, be happy for the Lord.

(insert wretching noise)

With a couple of notable exceptions, most of these singers and songwriters forget that a good part of the Psalms -- the original Top 40 (or in this case, Top 150) -- are full of complaints and even prayers along the lines of "God, will you PLEASE smite my enemies?" And quite frankly, that might appeal to me. People who are open and honest and admit to struggles and frailties and temptations (and occasionally giving in to temptation), people who aren't afraid to say, "Yes, I struggle to believe. Yes, there are times I question God, even to questioning his existence or his care for us." That, my friends, I would be far more apt to listen to.

Anyway, they're still effing with my wa. This is not boding well. Something must be done.

The 11th commandment oughta be....

"Thou shalt not harsh Nettie's mellow."

One of my very favorite radio stations is 95.7 FM The Ride out of Charlotte NC. It reaches over to my house (albeit somewhat fuzzily), but gets stronger as I drive east toward work. It is independent radio, which makes me love it automatically, and they are classic rock as it is intended to be: not the same seven or eight favorite artists singing the same 15 songs. They have streaming online, so I definitely suggest checking them out.

A few weeks ago, the harshing of my morning mellow began. Seems a little LPFM in Greenville (that's "low power FM") was dropping itself in at 95.5 FM. Fine, but it overpowered the Charlotte signal just as I was going through downtown. Over on the Eastside, where I work, you couldn't even begin to pick up this little LPFM. I had given some serious thought to calling the DJ (who gave his name on the air), and telling him to quit "f---in' with my wa!" (thank you, Jax, for that phrase, I do love it so!).

So you can imagine my extreme glee this week when, praise be, the little LPFM seemed to be off the air, and The Ride came in loud and clear through downtown. No more cutoffs in the middle of "Layla" or "Let It Bleed" or any other fantastic song.

And you can also imagine my intense horror when, later this week, I began to pick up some stuff that definitely did NOT fall into The Ride's playlist, playing on their frequency. Seems that some "positive alternative" station (a/k/a Yippee Skippy for Jesus Metal and Rap) has hijacked this frequency on the Eastside.

I am not happy. In the least. My mellow has most definitely been harshed. My wa is beyond effed.

*****

Adding to this, the two local big A/C stations are falling all over themselves to be the first in the area to play Christmas music. I am aghast. Halloween was just this past week -- why the holy hell do I want to start hearing Bing sing "White Christmas"???? For God's sake, can't you wait till Thanksgiving?

When are stations going to realize that a large segment of the population has no interest in holiday tunes right now?

So, Lord -- what's the judgment on all these 11th-commandment breakers? A finger on the "SMITE" button?

Killing you softly with my keyboard

Or at least I hope not. Today I started with the NaNoWriMo thing -- and in just two hours, I did about 2000 words. That included breaks to catch a moment of VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 80s. That's been fun to watch but OH! what has happened to some of the hotties from then!!! YIKES!

Anyway, it seems to be flowing for now. I'm not sure how it will all pan out. I'll keep you updated.

And Kate...Naturally asked if anyone else was having trouble with the NaNoWriMo site -- count me in. I can't even get to the main page, let alone log in and upload. It's weird, I tell ya. Weird.

Well, I have done it.

I'm gonna do it. At least I am going to start it. I am going to at long last work on my dream of the Great American Novel.

I have several short stories, but I am starting from scratch. I have an idea in my head of where I'd like to go and what I'd like to do .... but none committed to paper yet. I am very much looking forward to this. I love to write, but I mostly do short stories and "creative non-fiction"/ little essays (like my blog posts). But to actually work daily toward this .... it's going to be interesting!

We shall see how far I get. And to my fellow participants (Stacey, Susan, and a bazillion others, I'm sure) --- WE CAN DO IT!!!

A good birthday!

My birthday was actually two days ago (the 25th). I hit the big 3-7, but I'm a little weird -- usually in July, I start calling myself my future age. That way, when the birthday rolls around, I'm used to saying "I'm (#)" and it doesn't wig me out.

Last Saturday was my boss's 50th birthday party -- what a blast!!! Then Wednesday, my coworkers all took me to lunch. That night, Stacey, Chris, the kids and Nicole all took me to dinner. What a blast!

It's going to be a good year. I just know it in my soul and in my bones. To a good year!

Wazzzzzup? I'm in da house!

Today was the day we did our Halloween dress-up at work. Normally, it's done on Halloween, but for whatever reason this year (usually lots of drop-in guests lately), it probably wasn't feasible. So I dressed up as a thuggy-ghetto-fab girl.

I wore my athletic jacket -- navy and pink -- and a pair of navy yoga pants with a matching pink stripe down the legs. They are actually two different brands, but it worked well together. I also wore a hot pink do-rag -- the bandanna had little skulls all over it. I had picked up a sticky rhinestone phrase ("fabulous") at AC Moore -- PERFECT for my do-rag. I actually have another one in navy at home that says "DIVA!" but I couldn't find it. Oh well -- this one worked. And for the crowning touch, I bought some chain -- literal chain -- out of the hardware section at Wally World last night. I also bought a big ol' honkin' X-Men alarm clock (hey, it was on sale; it could have been Barbie for all I cared). Yup -- a Flava-style neckpiece!

I was hoping to win "Most Opposite of Your Personality" -- but our sales manager dressed as a vampira/witchy creature and won. She's one of the sweetest people, so it really was opposite of her. There weren't too many of us who dressed up compared to last year, but it was STILL a lot of fun. The shop guys, who usually don't dress up, declared themselves nudists on strike.... that was funny!

And this is another reason I love my job!

A real FMR moment yesterday -- and the past, revisited

I had a great weekend in the Coastal Empire with Talmadge and Seraphim. It was lots of fun, loads of laughs, good deep conversation, and complete silliness. I turned into a 7-year-old all over again, simply with one showing of Tweety & Sylvester, backed with Jabberjaw. Ahhhhh -- Jabberjaw!

Anyway, on Saturday, Tal asked me if I knew my right front tire had a screw in it. No .... no, I did not. So before I left on Monday, I stopped by their local Wally World for a tire. An hour later, I was on the road and happily heading for home. Right before dinner, my dad asked, "Did you say you got a new right front tire?" When I replied affirmatively, he said, "It's flat."

No. No. No...... Yes. Well, FMR (a phrase I use often, but I'm engaging in some self-censorship. Suffice to say the last word is "running). I had driven less than 300 miles on this tire. No way should it have done that. So this morning, I went to the local Wally and they gladly replaced it. Turns out it was definitely defective. There were two minor holes just past the tread but not to the sidewall, and the technician said there was no sign of puncture.

Back to work tomorrow -- the vacation has been fun, and I'm rested and ready to get back to work!

***

I actually went to Wally twice today -- I had to come back once the tire was actually on the car, so that they could do some additional checking. Okay, no problem. And it gave me a chance to do some shopping that I didn't get to do this morning.

I went to the buggy area, and got behind a lady with two sons. As I was putting my purse in the front section, I heard the phrase, "Yes, that's her -- hey (my real name)!!" It was some folks who were members of one of the churches I used to work for. I hadn't seen the boys in ages, and couldn't believe how tall they'd gotten! They're both junior high/high school age, and I remember when they were still in elementary school.

Later on, after I had checked out and was heading back to the automotive area, I saw one of the kids I used to teach in CCD (Sunday School). She has always come up to me with a huge hug, and today was no exception. I got to meet her boyfriend -- a very nice young man.

Just two seconds ago, I picked up the phone, and it was someone else from church -- sharing some fantastic wonderful news that has happened to her in the last few weeks. I am amazed that she found me -- I hadn't really talked to her since I left the office. But I am just in awe that she sought me out to tell me.

I miss seeing the people from church on a regular basis. Not that I'd change the way things are now; not in a million years. But I do miss them. It's nice to see them and catch up on things. And it humbles me that they still think so much of me.

HAAAA! Take that, Doc!

Let me start this story in Summer 2004. I had noticed a pattern in my body that I wasn't liking. After doing a little research on WebMD, I determined that chances are I was having migraine headaches. So I made an appointment with my family doctor's practice. The name on the door says "(Blahblah) Family Practice," but really it's owned by a local hospital. Doc Blahblah sold it a few years ago, when he reached retirement age. He's still practicing there, but on a limited basis. So I got to meet the new doctor.

Two years later, the jury is still out on this doctor. He's very intelligent, and he certainly made the office far more technologically savvy. He's big into EMR - Electronic Medical Records - and there's a laptop in every exam room, the nurses' station, etc. He's also very no-nonsense in the way he gives you news. Doctor Blahblah, whom I've known forever, is one of those kind, sweet souls, and delivers the news in a very personal, loving way. Doctor Newguy does not. He delivers hollow-point bullets to you.

So on the first visit, we talked about my migraines. And eventually, we meandered over to my weight. He was not happy that I chose not to step up on the scales (and technically, they couldn't make me). So he then said, "Have you ever considered gastric bypass surgery?"

GBPS was and is kind of a hot-button issue with me. I am sure there are plenty of people who need it -- the truly super-obese who can no longer move without assistance, kind of like what you see on Discovery Health. But for me -- I'm mobile (maybe slower than I would like, but I can move), I'm in otherwise good health, I don't have any of the health issues (diabetes, etc.), so other than my weight alone, why in hell would you even suggest it? And I don't like the odds that 1 out of 200 don't make it off the operating table. I do not know how I know it, but somehow I just know that I would be that one.

I looked at him as though he'd just passed a large amount of gas in my direction. He backpedaled and explained that one of his nurses at his old practice had just had it the year before and it worked so well for her. I told him the topic was not up for discussion -- it was a big fat NO!

Last year, he didn't even broach the subject.

This year was the first visit since I've joined Weight Watchers. He was mightily, mightily impressed that I have lost 52.4 pounds in 5 months. Impressed enough to ask questions -- how I was doing it, what it took, where was I noticing the losses most. He was beaming almost as much as me.

Take that, Doc. Take that feeling of doing it myself, but of knowing where I can get help. Take that feeling of confidence that I have going through me every day, of knowing that I can do whatever I set my mind to! Take that!

Once upon a time...

I listened to a CD this week that I hadn't put in the old machine for quite a while: Mary Chapin Carpenter's Stones in the Road. It has long been a favorite, but there was a long time that I just couldn't listen to it. It brought back memories I'd just as soon forget.

But this week, I felt compelled to listen again. I had been listening to the song "Jubilee" and remembered why that song attracted me. Yes, it still made me sad for all the things I connected to the song, but I also realized what a wonderful, hopeful song it is. So I decided to listen to the whole CD again.

I had to take it out after a couple of spin-throughs; it made me a little wistful. I realized how many various memories the songs brought back -- not just memories of the relationship but of various stages in my life. "House of Cards" reminds me of some of the less pleasant childhood memories -- too many cases of Mama being more worried about HER reputation than of whatever thing I was going through. If I heard "don't do anything to embarrass us" (meaning her) once, I heard it a dozen times. "Outside Looking In" hit a little too close to home too many times in my life .... and especially for the time I associate with this CD most. "John Doe No. 24" has always made me sad. I still love the "happy" songs on there -- "Shut Up & Kiss Me" and "Tender When I Want To Be" and especially "Jubilee."

It's also still one of my favorite CD's -- because it hits so close to home; because the songs aren't necessarily wrapped up in a pretty package; because there is no resolution. If you've never listened to it, do yourself a favor and listen.

I am completely verklempt....

This morning about 9:30, I watched as my coworkers gathered around my desk. I had no idea what was going on....... Finally, one of them spoke up and said, "We are so proud of you, and all the weight loss you've accomplished so far, that we wanted to get you a little something." Inside was $50 in cash -- a dollar per pound so far. And the instructions to buy myself something new that would fit just beautifully -- not to spend on groceries, or on gas, or anything else but something new to wear.

I nearly cried. I was completely overwhelmed by their support and their generosity! We have joked for a while about my "MC Hammer" pants -- baggy all over and u-g-l-y, I truly have no alibi....

And truth be told, I do need to go shopping for something new. Everything I own -- okay, just about everything -- is too big somewhere, either the waist, the knees, the thighs, the arms, the whatever.

I'm totally floored. Just completely floored, and incredibly thankful!!!! And so to Beth, Cindy, Elena, Heather, Kelly and Pam, you will always have my heartfelt gratitude for all the love and support!!!!!!! Y'all are terrific!!!

Raul shall sing me to sleep...

As a reward for losing 50 pounds, I treated myself today to a good manicure and pedicure, and also to Raul Malo's new CD, "You're Only Lonely" (cover songs). Yes, Raul will be singing me to sleep tonight and I can't wait to hear this CD.

I bought it from a local music store. I love our local stores -- they are fantastic! This one in particular (Earshot) has just about everything you're looking for (and if they don't have it, chances are the other store will). I came this-close to going to a big box store to get the CD. And yes, I'd probably have saved myself about $10 overall on my purchase. But considering the community very nearly lost this store a couple of years back, I want to support it. The other store -- well, I pop in there on occasion too. But the last time I was there, I spent over an hour browsing and didn't see anything that struck my fancy. Earshot carries both well-known and obscure artists; this other store tends to specialize in the obscure. Now, I love the obscure as much as anyone, but there are times when I want something more well-known. That's when I head to Earshot, or the big-box stores.

Both stores, to their great credit, are extremely supportive of live local music. Now, I'm not much into the concert or music scene like I used to be. But I still believe a strong local music scene only enriches the community. So I am glad that these two stores promote and support the venues and artists who are out there!

So anyway -- my hands and feet look fantastic, and my ears will be all happy tonight. WOO HOO!!!

You know it's a good day when

... on your drive into work, you hear "Dixie Chicken" and "Moondance" -- I mean, honestly! Little Feat and Van Morrison -- as the Old Milwaukee commercials from the 70s said, "Boys, it don't git no better than this!!!" And also when you hear an old favorite that rarely gets played, and it brings back memories both wonderful and wistful.

... your pants don't fit -- but it's because there's too much material and not enough you anymore. 45 and counting, bebes. I'm so pumped about that, I don't know what to do!

... you get a few minutes alone (besides your commute) and it's one of the most precious gifts of the day. I know my solitude will be coming to an abrupt halt in 20 minutes or less, so I am going to relish every second of it.

... all your customers are at the ready with the check number of the payment they just mailed yesterday..... oh wait. That falls under pipe dream. Sorry about that.

... you enjoy a good laugh, or give someone else a good laugh.

... you can remember to post this all!!

The long and winding road...

always leads me to deep thought. And luckily, nearly 9 hours of not-too-long and not-so-winding road this weekend was plenty to allow for quite a number of meanderings and musings.

I thought about the past --- mostly trying to answer the question: "If I could go back and say something to my 14-year-old self (when I was a freshman), what would I say?" Well, first would be to lighten the hell up! Next would be to lighten the hell up! And then to lighten the hell up! Yes, I was Miss Serious, where my world revolved around my studies and extracurricular activities. Think Tracy Flick from Election, only I didn't sleep with any of my teachers. In the years hence, all that activity amounted to jackcrap; it looked good on my college application, and that's as far as it went. I haven't done a damn thing with the 5 math credits I struggled to earn (and believe me, I might have been in AP math but it was a mountain to climb). I loved literature with all my heart, but I don't purposely dissect stories or poetry anymore. The graphic design skills I used on yearbook staff are the ONLY thing I did in high school that has remotely carried over to my adult life.

Then again ..... I think I wouldn't go back at all, even given the opportunity. You know -- that whole space-time continuum thing Doc Brown warned about. If I changed even one thing, it would disrupt my life in the present, and quite possibly in a way that I wouldn't enjoy. So best to leave things as they are and enjoy the valuable lessons learned, especially those learned the hard way.

All that being said, it reminds me that within a year, they'll be planning the 20-Year Reunion. Oh God, please, in Your great mercy, make sure it's a good one. No lame-o stuff, or I will develop a bad case of anal glaucoma -- meaning I can't see my @$$ going to it. I know You understand where I'm coming from......

***

I also did some thinking about some things from my adult life. In particular, I thought about two important events of my adult life that changed my whole perception of life itself.

The first situation was when someone ripped out my heart and walked all over it. I have come to realize that I share in the blame of the first situation .... but not for the reasons originally given to me by the Heartwalker. No, my share of the blame was there from the onset. It came from not being true to myself, and for stifling the me that I had discovered and grown to love in my college days. I sacrificed that wonderful person for someone who never would have appreciated or even understood her. It has taken some time, but I have forgiven myself for that.

Most importantly, that event taught me to say "never again!" When I was betrayed by another supposed friend, I was able to stand up and declare "NO! I said never again, and I mean it!" I could not have survived the second without having survived and thrived after the first incident. I had to rebuild my entire life, my whole foundation of who I was, what I thought, what I held to be real and true, and what could be discarded. As a result, I have come to know myself again and love myself much more than I ever dreamed.

Both incidents -- horrible as they were at the time -- have served to make me even more resilient. They have made me more open-minded and open-hearted than I would have ever dreamed. I think of it as giving up the trinkets that you are clinging desperately to -- so that God/the Universe/whatever can give you real treasure far more abundant than you could ever imagine. I am absolutely astounded when I think of all the laughter, love and life I have experienced and shared in all the past few years, that I would have missed out on had things turned out the way I thought they should have.

Sometimes I really do thank God for unanswered prayers.....