Wednesday, December 07, 2005

What Happens When A Girl Drinks Too Much

(please note that I do not speak from personal experience...... heh heh heh)

1. I absolutely have no idea where my purse is.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead, wiggling my butt, and yelling "WOO-HOO!" is truly the sex-i-est dance move around!

3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass -- and honestly believe I could do it, too!

4. In my last trip to pee, I realize I now look more like a homeless hooker than the Goddess I was just four hours ago!

5. I drop my 3:00 AM submarine sandwich on the floor (which I'm eating even though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on.

6. I start crying and telling everyone that I love them SOOOOO much.

7. I get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table, and sing and/or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own, so I keep them half-closed and think it looks exotic.

12. I've suddenly taken up smoking -- and become really good at it!

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me just coke -- but that's just because I can no longer taste the rum.....

14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.

15. I start every conversation with a booming, "Now don't take this the wrong way, but......"

16. I tend to fall into the toilet bowl when trying to sit on it (funny how that is normally NOT a problem).

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. I'm tired, so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.

19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button-fly pants to cut down on the time I'm in the bathroom away from my drink!

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm having problems walking straight.

21. When you think it's cool to dance and spank your own ass (or each others') at the same time ---- oh yeah, baby!

2 comments:

bolivar said...

Are you sure you're not speaking from personal experience on this one? Didn't you do all of these at Talmadge's & Seraphim's wedding?
You know I'm just kidding. I had to say that to see what your response would be...

nettiemac said...

Nah, Bolivar, I've been a pretty good girl ever since Mr. Bacardi and I had an argument one night and he won.....